tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61013201226788341992024-03-07T14:39:16.342+08:00SIERRA.SKYE.SHOEIThis was once where I made my dreams come to life with What would have been... (my Korean romance) ©
That dream has since ended, and now I bring you my reality...시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.comBlogger226125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-45549787704162756932014-05-29T23:24:00.002+08:002014-05-29T23:33:14.792+08:00Thoughts that niggle...<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Sometime
I find myself trapped in a thought… and the thought keeps occurring at random
times. As much as I have chosen to release it, and to not be bothered by it, it
comes back, and it niggles. This is how I usually decide I need to do something
about it.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
These
days, I’m sick of such thoughts. Does everything have to be dealt with just
because it makes me uncomfortable? Or are some things meant to exist whether we
like it or not? I am constantly in fear of ruining relationships and causing
loss of confidence. I tend to think that dealing with issues and talking about
them helps build my confidence, but I am somehow coming to think that by doing
so, I may inadvertently cause others to lose their confidence in making me
happy.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
don’t know how to tell them, “It’s not you who is making me unhappy. It’s the
situation we’re in that causes me to feel uneasy. And this uneasiness, I feel,
is avoidable.” But in any case, there is no other way to resolve it other than
the opposite party reacting and ‘fixing’ the situation in a way that will allow
me to be able to accept it. I feel remorseful sometimes, that people have to go
out of their comfort zones to console me, but I have not learned to not be
bothered by the situations that I cannot accept. Hence, I will always need
others to be considerate when it comes to how I feel.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Perhaps,
people don’t understand because they have not felt a pain similar to mine.
Honestly, no one understands how we feel. We can do our best and try to
describe it, but there is a limit to the completeness of the picture we can
paint. No one knows our pain as much as we do, and even if they are been
through a similar pain, the operative word will be ‘similar’. One can try to
relate, but one cannot truly understand.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<span style="text-align: justify;">So
I try my best now, to always understand how others might feel. I try my best to
accept that there are things I cannot and possibly need not try to change. But
if it hurts too much, I will try my best to let people know that I am in pain,
and I need them to understand and try not to aggravate, if not alleviate my
pain. I can only hope the people who love me understand how hurt I am, and that
they care enough to want to stop me from getting hurt.</span>시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-76608924327497388302014-03-27T11:03:00.000+08:002014-03-27T11:03:02.073+08:00Endearment In Imperfection<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
I had a lot on my mind today… and I was trying to narrow
down as to what was the root of all these thoughts. I realized that worry is a
big part of my life, whether it is positive, or negative. It could be small;
like worrying about my boyfriend’s well-being. Sometimes it feels huge; like worrying
about my upcoming interview. But no matter the size, the concern is significant
to me… and the bigger ones would be more so.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
I traced my worry back to fear and lack of confidence. I
remember what I wrote previously. I told myself that I was going to be braver
from now on. But as I have predicted, such strength rarely comes automatically.
It has to be nurtured. Sometimes I’m on track, and sometimes I veer off track.
But when I have the support and understanding from love ones, and the time to
reflect, I usually come back on track again. I guess this in itself, creates another
issue for me. Sometimes my fears are so persistent, that they cause my
dependency on my loved ones to increase.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
It’s easy to say that all they have to do is to be more
aware and understanding of my needs. But when it goes on for a while, people
grow weary. What do I do then? I start to feel bad for putting this burden on
them, which in turn becomes a form of self-hate for my person and my condition.
In these moments of self-hate, I sometimes get angry with the people I love
because I feel that while they do love me, they simply don’t understand, and
can never understand what I go through, and everything about me they have to
deal with will always be some sort of an inconvenience. This is dangerous. It
is dangerous simply because it is the setting that leads down a path of
self-destruction.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
No one can truly understand us. And neither can we ever
fully understand another person. This is simply because the human mind is ever-changing,
and while a person’s base character rarely changes, their opinions might. How
they view and react to things will change over time, and that is something we
have to always be ready to accept; the impermanence of the human <span lang="EN-GB">behaviour</span>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB">There
are a few things I have decided that I need to live with. Some of these things
have bothered me for some time, but I think it’s now best that I recognise them
and learn to live with them:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span lang="EN-GB">1. I will never be perfect.</span></b></div>
<span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
I am not
a perfect human being. I will never be able to behave in the manner that is
always pleasing to the whole world. Some people will accept the way I am, and
some people will never accept me as I am. And for those who do love and accept
me, I must never feel a sense of indebtedness because they do so willingly.
This sense of indebtedness creates the need to be ‘even more perfect’ or to ‘maintain
perfection’, which is impossible. We are human. There is no perfection in
humanity, but there is always endearment in this imperfection. Our
imperfections are what define our characters.</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
It’s
alright to be angry. It’s alright to make mistakes. It’s alright to express
ourselves. By suppressing all these negativity, we are not attaining
perfection. We are simply stifling ourselves and trying to become someone we
are not.</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
</span><b><div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span lang="EN-GB">2. My body will never be perfect.</span></b></div>
</b><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
That
annoying zit, my round tummy, the cellulite in my thighs, my lack of boobs, my
stubborn hair… I can never fix all of it. She’s prettier than me, she has a
better figure than me, she’s more well-dressed than me… the comparisons will
never end. For a while, I was actually content with my physical outlook, until
I started to let comments affect me. I realised that while I need to make a
conscious effort to take care of myself, I should not let others’ opinions on my
progress affect me.</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
There
was a time when I was a size-S again, and while I was happy with that achievement,
I wasn’t a happy person during that time. These days, I am a happier person,
but the nagging feeling of not being a size-S and slowly gravitating to being a
size-L bothers me. But I realised that it would only bother me if I let it. I
need to keep up my basic self-care, e.g. home facials, exercising and eating
right. But I should never obsess over them to the point that I feel guilty when
I miss a facial, an exercise session or had a burger for lunch. I need to
remember that as long as I am happy and healthy, that’s all that matters. The
rest are all work-in-progress, and I should never let the fact that I can’t do
them all 100% make me feel inadequate.</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
I truly
believe that our beauty lies within us. When we are comfortable in our skin,
and we radiate love and happiness, we are at our most beautiful.</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
</span><b><div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span lang="EN-GB">3. No other human is perfect.</span></b></div>
</b><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
In our
eyes, the people we love are wonderful and perfect. Hence, when they do things
that we do not expect, they don’t seem to understand us, or they don’t seem to
reciprocate our feelings, we tend to feel upset… sometimes even devastated.
People can seem consistent in their character and behaviour, but there will be
times that they may seem to be ‘out of character’ in our views. They are not
pre-programmed machines, and even machines have some margin of error. And even
when we feel someone is consistently failing us in ways they never did, it
could be that they are simply not in their best states of mind, or perhaps they
didn’t understand our concerns on the matter.</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
So do we
try to ‘fix it’? We always try to fix things, and it usually comes to a state
of disappointment. To fix things means trying to take control or a situation
and a mind that may not be yours. And when you realise you have no control of it
at all, the frustration sets in, and with frustration comes a host of other
feelings such as anger, fear and anxiety.</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
So what
can we do if trying to fix it would ultimately make it worse? Sometimes we have
to just let things lie. Sure. The other person is not going to come to
realisation on their own, but sometimes, the only way is to let it pass and we
need to find ways to express our concerns without blaming the other person. It sucks
when you can’t immediately express yourself to the people you love, but when a
person isn’t ready to hear something, you can’t force them to listen to you.</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB"><div style="text-align: justify;">
No human
is perfect, but I never agreed with the notion that we cannot depend on the
people we love. They may not be perfect, but we need to have faith in their
love for us, and that they will try to see us through the hard times because of
the simple fact that they truly love and care for us. When we have confidence
in others, it stems from our confidence in ourselves. When we love each other
enough, we will attract more love from our loved ones.</div>
</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB">So today
marks another new attempt at trying to be a stronger and braver person. Will I
fall again? I probably will. But I will keep reminding myself that it’s
alright, and I can just keep trying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-23536764098360297382014-03-10T21:06:00.000+08:002014-03-10T21:16:32.007+08:00Bravery<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Bravery
doesn’t always have to do with facing a fear head-on. I learnt today that
bravery can be simply choosing to not succumb to the negative. While you may
wonder, “Isn’t that facing your fears?” Well, I call it ‘Choosing to be
positive’. Yea… it’s obviously nothing new. Countless self-help articles and
memes have told us before…</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><i>Everyone
has a choice; to be happy or to be sad.<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
But
often, it’s not as simple as picking a box, or a coloured ball out of a bag and
have it say ‘Happy’ or ‘Positive’. It’s truly a conscious effort to make the
decision to be happy and positive. And what about this process that relates to
bravery is that when you make the choice, you consciously decide to accept
whatever that comes your way with this choice. You may have chosen a path which
you presumed to lead to you happiness, but that doesn’t mean the happiness is
guaranteed. You have only made the choice using the knowledge you have that it
is the most positive thing you could do at the moment. What comes after may or
may not be happy or positive, and the bravery in this is knowing that no matter
what the outcome, you will need to be ready to once again be positive about it.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Some
people stand back and wait because they are afraid that their actions will
cause a chain-effect. Other rush in headlong, not caring what comes, only to be
met with the aftermath of not having thought through their actions. Being brave
has nothing to do with blind confidence. It entails astute consideration of the
consequence of your actions as far as you can see. What you cannot see, after
trying your best to cover all possibilities, can be left to fate or the higher
beings. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
have always been afraid of changes and the unknown. Because of this, I cling to
the familiar, and I would admit that it sometimes results in suffocating people
whom I love and ultimately depend on. I know it’s unhealthy to do so; for me
and for my loved ones, but I was just too afraid. Paralysed with fear, if you
will; that I hang on to familiarity and routine because they comfort me,
knowing that I have something to look forward to. But I’m not always like that.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Every
once in awhile, I would find a breakthrough, which I will pursue, and I will
come to so stage where I become self-sufficient and independent again. Meeting
a family friend today has brought me to that path again. I’ve been facing a lot
of challenges and changes lately, and have been going around worried and
bewildered when I thought of what the future would hold for me. Today, for the
first time in the recent months, I have found a sense of peace and positivity
when thinking of the road I am about to travel on. I somehow feel that this is
the right way to go, and I am positive that it’s going to turn out alright.
Though I may not trust myself very much, having guidance and words of assurance
from an elder just helps assure you. So today, I’ve decided I will simply keep
walking.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
see a path, and I know my best bet now is to keep walking and not worry about
what comes. Not just when it comes to my career, but in life too. Even if
things are turning out the exact way I wanted them to, it won’t always be a bad
thing. I just need to see the positive in it; and this is a repetitive process,
not a one-off attempt. Furthermore, I was assured today that there is nothing
wrong with my fears, and that my willingness to recognise my fears is already
progress on my part. I just now need to learn to not let them consume me; and
as I have said in the beginning, finding the strength to continuously change
negative thoughts into positive ones is nothing short of a brave attempt to not
succumb to a vicious cycle of self-condemnation and unhappiness.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
One
of the parting messages I received today, was on the <b>Laws of Attraction</b>. I was
reminded that the more you thought of something, the more you invite it into
your life. So if there’s one thing I’d like to do now, is to invite more
happiness and positive events into my life... and it starts today!</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-53497275078690821992014-03-05T13:51:00.001+08:002014-03-05T13:56:33.787+08:00Why can’t you get a simple thing right?<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Today I truly understand the gravity and hurt that one can
inflict just by making this remark – <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b>“Why can’t you get a simple thing right?”</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
How did I come to this realization? It has happened to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Sure, the person did not say it to my face. But she
insinuated it. Her very words were – <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“How come there are corrections so often.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I think this year I have the most corrections compared to my
past 6-7 years in XXX.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
When you hear remarks like this, you feel belittled. You
feel that anything else you have ever done right had been for naught, and
whatever you do wrong is so heavily scrutinised and penalised. And this is also
whether or not it was even all your fault. No one cares. You screw up, you’re
worthless. Are people not allowed mistakes anymore? Or perhaps people who make
these comments happen to be frustrated and are simply taking it out on you?
Whatever it is, it demonstrates a lack of compassion.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
After today, I realized that it is very hurtful. All those
time we complain about the goods and services we pay for, and we often wonder
why people can’t do what their supposed to do properly; especially when it’s
their core task, or perhaps even the most minute task in their list of to-dos.
The answer could be very simple… the circumstances that caused it were not
favourable.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Hence, I shall try to be more compassionate in future.
Rather than accusing people for not 'putting their backs into it', I will endeavor
to understand how the situation came about, give them the due patience to correct
the problem, and refrain from making such remarks. But if I do come to realize that
they are willfully committing mistakes or negligence, then I guess I’ll need to
take some action, wouldn’t I? ^_^<o:p></o:p></div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-66667919670937815282014-02-14T00:15:00.000+08:002014-02-14T00:15:15.781+08:00I Dream of Dreams?<div style="text-align: justify;">
I believe I have mentioned that I have a hard time writing fiction these days. I often start with a great story, but I end up getting stuck.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div>
I was speaking to a friend the other day, and I am beginning to realise that I get stuck because I am afraid. I am afraid of letting my inner thoughts go, for fear of being judged for them. I'm concerned that my readers may think, "Is this this a personal experience?" or "Is this some secret fantasy of hers?" or "Is she sick or something?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I have forgotten that creative expression doesn't always have to be tied to your very being.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Why can't I write a sadist story, an erotic story or a heart-breaking story without being judged? I am sure in the past, my readers have never judged me for them - even when they knew that most of them were dreams of mine. Dreams of a life I had wanted for myself. Sure there are times I wish I could write about my life... but I guess because even I could not accept my past, and I did not want the people in my future to judge me for my past. Hence, they will never be verbalised or published. Maybe it's because of my honest nature, that I tend to not write just for the sake of creating entertainment. I try to write from my heart.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You care too much about what people think. You want to be liked. You're a people-pleaser. You have approval-addiction. All these describe my state of mind. I admit to them. It will take me a long time before I can 'take things easy' and come to terms with the fact that some people will always want to judge me. And there are those who will always love me for being me.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I've been itching to write fictions lately. But somehow have not brought myself to start for the fear of having another half-done project. And it's not that I don't have ample material. I dream a lot. I have always dreamed all my life. I rarely have a night where I fall asleep and wake up when it's daylight. I would always dream. Sometimes these dreams are what I call 'Hollywood-worthy'.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I'd dream of a story, a plot worthy of making a movie out of. I'd still be able to remember most of it when I wake up, because most of the time, the events are so vivid. But I would never write them down, because I am pretty sure I'd get stuck halfway. Maybe I need to find a way to develop plots. Maybe start plotting outlines for the stories. I don't know. I hope when I feel strong enough to write my stories again, they're gonna be awesome. For now, I would blog, I would write for work... it's just no longer easy to write creatively, for myself.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
A reader of mine asked me today, if I would ever write again. I said to her, "Maybe when everything calms down, and I find that center again. Perhaps then. I hope I can do it."</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-69329392853324346022014-01-14T00:21:00.000+08:002014-01-14T00:21:20.444+08:00Counting My Blessings<div style="text-align: justify;">
2013 has been a very long year for me. I went through so many changes - some things ended, and many new things began for me.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I realised how I had been causing myself to suffer so often because I trusted the wrong people, because I was just too gullible. I realised new potentials - I am actually capable and I have the ability to continue developing my skills and achieve new heights. I'm still learning how to deal with people in the workplace; bosses and colleagues alike. But most of all, I learned that I deserved to be loved.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Of course all this time, I believed I deserved someone who loved me as much as I loved him. But to hear it from a person, that I deserved to be treated with love and consideration... that was mind-blowing. I am so glad I met my boyfriend. For the first time, I feel confident that there is a path for us to walk down, towards another new beginning that awaits us when we're ready. In the past, I was never sure if I would ever get there... but in just a short 3 months, I am feeling a certainty that I have never encountered before.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I have been thinking so often today; how happy I've been and how my boyfriend really tries to feed my emotional bank. Instead being hounded by fears from my past, or bothered when things are not going my way, I should remember that I've found a man who wants to be next to me. I've found a man who enjoys holding my hand, or even wrapping his arm around my shoulders when we walk. I've found a man who kisses my forehead, my cheeks and every possible spot on my face with loud smacking noises; who hugs me tight in public and strokes me while I try to fall asleep, who checks on my well-being all the time, and nags me when I don't take care of myself. I've found a friend who would laugh with me, be silly with me, and doesn't mind going through tough times with me. I've found a man who wants to build a life with me, and supports my endeavours, dreams and aspirations in every way he can. I've found a man who wants to be a part of my life, and wants me to be a part of his too.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I need to remember all these things, because these are the things that matter most, and I should not let the evil in me cause me to forget the good things, and start picking on the stuff that aren't really significant to begin with.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sometimes I think I am just so afraid of things ever deteriorating or plateauing, that I clutch at everything that's good and refuse to let the both of us breathe. But I know if I keep doing that, it's just going hurt us more than do us good. I really need to learn to breathe and relax, and just enjoy the moments we have. When we're not having any 'moments', that's when I should just do my reminiscing... or actually get some work done :P</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I just want to say... excuse my sappiness everyone...</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I love you baby, and I am so glad that I have a long future ahead with you, because I can't imagine anyone else in your place now. MUAX!!!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-26495473998038380852013-11-02T17:12:00.000+08:002013-11-02T17:13:22.181+08:00CELTA: Journal 4 - Damage Report<div style="text-align: justify;">
So remember how I posted how I was doing oh-kay at the mid-point of my CELTA course? Well, apparently that was my peak. I'm hitting my downward spiral now, and trying to maneuver myself out of it without creating any damage.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
1. I'm concerned about sneaking in my work during my day-job working hours.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Before that I was totally oblivious and did whatever I could to make sure I finished my work ahead, as long as I didn't interfere with my work in the office. In the past week, I was making a conscious effort to only work on my course stuff during lunch hour and after work. I'll admit it's better for my focus. But that meant that I need to practice more discipline when I need to finish my work at home.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
2. I'm seriously lacking sleep.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The lack of sleep has finally taken a toll on me. So much that even on nights where I make it a point to switch off and sleep before 12am, I still feel so deprived. It's interfered with my short-term memory and focus. Sometimes it screws with my mood too, and my face >_< Not pretty sight indeed. I've decided to take every Friday off for the next 2 weeks so that I can complete my assignment and lesson plans on time.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
3. Immune system is taking a hit!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
My body has been having allergic reactions and a myriad of other conditions. The only reason it hasn't entirely shut down on me is because I make an effort to feed my body with lots of supplements and make sure I eat... and I've been eating a lot.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
4. Gaining weight!!!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I feel like a blob. I know beneath my blubber is my body screaming to get back in shape and in good health. But the best I can do for it now is to make sure it has enough nourishment. I'm so sorry blubber... we'll need to hang in there for another 2 weeks before I send you away.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
5. I do everything but work - sometimes.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
When I get going... boy do I get going. But when I choose not to, like now :D I take forever to get to it. And I don't just get sidetracked by Facebook or my beautiful bed. I'd start mending stuff, doing arts and craft, reading; basically anything but my assignment, because I'm feeling stuck :( Oh well...</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
There's a lot more shit happening, but I guess I'm ready to get back to my assignment and hopefully finish it today. Have a great weekend people :P</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-32272926269124768522013-10-27T18:55:00.000+08:002013-10-27T18:56:15.897+08:00CELTA: Journal 3<div style="text-align: justify;">
Yea... So I thought I could blog periodically about my course, but it turns out to be almost impossible since I'm rushing to complete lesson plans and assignments half the time. Even more so this week, because my wonderful trainer left it till Wednesday to give us the lesson he'd like us to teach this weekend. So I had 2 days to come up with the first draft. Ran it by him on Saturday, and then update it accordingly so that I could teach it on Sunday.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It's all gone pretty well up till now. I've been getting a "To Standard" for every one of my lesson. I wished that I'd worked harder with the 3rd or 4th one and had gotten an "Above Standard". Well, I'm Asian. I like to feel I'm way better than most people, most of the time :D Haha! I passed my resubmission for Assignment 2, and I still don't know what I'm getting for Assignment 1, but I'm happy things are going well.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I survived my first lesson with the grumpiest trainer today; let's call him Grumpy Cat. I was actually very apprehensive this morning, and I was pretty stressed the day before. I think I had sort of a nightmare. But I guess I showed that I could handle a lesson. One of the students told me that she liked my style a lot. She felt that I spoke clearly, and I put up the vocab and etc. clearly on the board and it has helped her. I'm so happy for the positive feedback. Although the students' feedback doesn't matter to the trainers or the assessor who will come from Cambridge, but having heard positive comments from the students since I started teaching has been wonderful. The student today even asked me if I had taught previously ^__________^ Yes... this calls for a really big smile.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I almost went crazy on Thursday though. I had been spending the entire day slogging at work, then rushing to do the lesson plan for the weekend after office hours. Then I got the email from Grumpy Cat accusing me for leaving work till last minute when I was preempting him that I might hand in my resubmission late. Turns out he totally forgot he'd already marked my first submission, and I was so angry that he was accusing me for being a last minute worker when I handed in my assignment 6 days before it was even due. Yea... you'd explode too if you were me. So I sent him a very polite rant... as polite as I could muster, and he replied saying that it sounds like I'm under a lot of pressure, and that I could have an extension. He realised his boo-boo yesterday, but never apologised. Oh well...</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I forgot to take a photo of it, but I was at a stationery shop and chanced upon these self-inking stamps that reminded me of Grumpy Cat; it was an angry face! Haha! How apt! To be fair, I bought 2, one for the nice trainer, and another one for Grumpy Cat. Dunno if he's touched, but I think by now he's very accustomed to being viewed as the critical, heartless one. But he made a fair point today during our feedback session. He said that if we were prepared to take his advise, we would expect to get better and learn more. Well, I agree. So yea... gotta listen to him from now on. He's like the Simon Cowell of CELTA. Hahaha!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I have another lesson to finish planning and an assignment to draft up by Wednesday. Meanwhile trying to make time to have a life and catch up on sleep. Plus I haven't been exercising for weeks. Definitely gained a lot of weight. My body is screaming for me to cut the carbs, but it's the only way I can comfort myself. Other than receiving hugs and cuddles and kisses. Haha! So... 3 more weeks. I think I'll survive, but only if I don't kill myself first.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I don't think I'll be able to blog about each lesson anymore, maybe at the end of the course when I have time :D Fingers crossed!</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-55176681637943691962013-10-05T21:19:00.000+08:002013-10-05T21:32:16.931+08:00CELTA: Journal 2<div style="text-align: justify;">
Lesson 4: Wednesday, 7pm.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Was early. Managed to reach super early and had my mixed rice dinner. Spent the session studying phonetics and discussing the upcoming Teaching Practice (TP).</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The kiasu me had submitted my lesson plan earlier that day, and I received my feedback the same day. I managed to jumble up everything. Bah... observing the lesson on video and reading the teacher's lesson plan confused me. Anyway, I corrected it the next day and got a pretty clean assessment back from the trainer. All good to go. Now for the unobserved lesson on Saturday.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Lesson 5: Saturday, 9am.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I totally dragged myself out of bed this morning. Was so sad when I realised Old Chang Kee wasn't open yet :( Had to buy a peanut pancake from Mr Bean, and on the way to class, a stupid BMW drove past and splashed me. Grrr! Luckily it wasn't like a big splash. But it wet the bag of my pancake. Had to rinse it before I dared to eat it. So far no food poisoning. So I guess I cleaned it up properly.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Oh man... I was so unprepared for today's class. I had no lesson plan, no script... just some examples Jill had shown us about eliciting questions to work with. I was so stiff and it was quite awkward being the first teacher of the day. Most of the students were nice, except this Korean fella whom I assume is in his early thirties. He was trying to be smart the whole lesson. My female classmate and I tried not to laugh when he was trying to be funny, since we didn't want to encourage him.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
All in all, the students had a pretty okay understanding of the English Language. Most of them lacked speaking practice, and were there for this very reason. Some were very shy, and simply needed more opportunity and encouragement.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We managed to get the Korean guy 'upgraded' to the Intermediate class. So we don't have to deal with him for the next 3 lessons. But we'll be seeing him again when we switch from teaching Elementary to Intermediate. 2 more weeks... I think I will like teaching this group. 4 of them are from China and 1 from Japan. Lovely students :)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The biggest bomb dropped on me was that I would have to teach 2 days in a row next weekend. This means that I have to prepare 2 lesson plans this week. Awesome... since I had to finish a report at work on Monday. I hope I can cope.... *faints*</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So here I am now, about to review my script for my first proper lesson tomorrow. And I need to get cracking on my next 2 lesson plans. Whoop dee doo... don't forget, my assignment is also due next weekend. OMG... wish me luck! :P</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Btw, today we learned how to teach grammar, which I will have to put into practice next weekend. Oh my brain... it felt burnt today. I just took a nap earlier, and I hope I can finish all the shit I need to do tonight. My running may have to take a backseat for the next month. Bummer...</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-17352664757175090042013-09-30T18:21:00.001+08:002013-09-30T18:22:15.850+08:00CELTA: Journal 1<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I’ve
been meaning to blog about my CELTA experience as often as I can, but I realized
that I probably won’t have enough time to do it every week with all the
assignments that are going to be due soon.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
just finished reading a CELTA student’s blog. She’s a mother and was not
working full time, but opted to take the 8 weeks course instead of the 4 weeks
course. Apparently, that was a better call, and I am happy that I am able to
take the 8 weeks course. However she mentioned that her peers who worked full
time struggled more; they started to neglect their work.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
All
I can say is that, I am glad my job is not too heavy and stressful at the
moment. I will have 2 weeks out of the next 8 weeks where I have deadlines due
at work, but I will do my best to not let my CELTA interfere with the deadlines
and vice versa. But I would have to admit that I have been using some work time
to organize my CELTA stuff, but that’s because I don’t have all that much to do
sometimes, and it’s such a waste of time to sit around and twiddle my thumbs.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Anyway,
let’s describe my lessons so far. I will try to update these ‘journal’ entries
when I have more time to insert in the key takeaways and summarise my learning
journey better.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Lesson
1: Wednesday, 7pm.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
rushed from office to school at Sim Lim Square; managed to get there by 6:45pm
and scoffed down my dinner. I was the first one to arrive. Everyone else
arrived near to 7pm, and one arrived after 7pm. I was either right on time, or
late for the consecutive lessons, and I feel bad because I didn’t want the trainers
to think that I was always tardy, but I guess I’ve proven on the first day that
I was capable of being on time. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself when I couldn’t
make it on time :P<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The
first trainer we met was Bernard. I was a bit worried that I’d gotten off on
the wrong foot with him the first day: I was trying to copy the schedule he
wrote down on the board using my phone, and he thought I was texting (>_<)
But I guess we’re all good now, especially after our 2<sup>nd</sup> class
together on Sunday.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The
first session was mainly about the structure of the course, the grading and the
general expectations. Bernard tried to help us set expectations when he talked
about the grading standard for the course. Upon completing CELTA, we would be
graded (in descending order) Pass A, Pass B, Pass and Fail. The worldwide statistics
by far are as follows (approximately):<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Pass
A – 5%<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Pass
B – 10%<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Pass
– 80%<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Fail
– 5%<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
He
pretty much told us to not worry too much about failing, but at the same time,
not to put too much expectation on ourselves by aiming for Pass A. It is
perfectly normal to get a Pass, as seen from the statistics. I guess he is all
too familiar with the way our Asian minds work. Haha! “I must be the best!” In
a way, I agree with what he is doing, because I know fully well that if I set
too high an expectation on myself, I may end up doing the exact opposite. But
if I were to take it calmly and just try to do my best at each juncture, I
suppose I may do better than I expect myself to. However, after reading that
student’s blog and seeing that she got a Pass B, I am thinking… I bloody-hell
want a Pass A! LOL!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Then
we will have Teaching Practices (TPs), where we will have the opportunity to
teach real students (Elementary and Intermediate levels). Yes… real people
shall become our guinea pigs. Basically, these students get to sign on for free
lessons. They pay a deposit of $200, which is refundable if they meet the
minimum attendance criteria. We will be observed and assessed, according to the
criteria that will be communicated to us on a weekly basis, and for each TP, we
will be graded: Above Standard, To Standard or Below Standard.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
My
goal would be to always be above standard. But what would mean that I had to
prep myself well for each lesson, which includes a near flawless lesson plan,
and awesome classroom management. According to Bernard, that could include even
scripting the instructions that I would give the students.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
In
the first lesson, we went through the topics on learning styles, what affects
and motivates learners. We talked more about the course structure and
expectations. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Lesson
2: Saturday, 10am</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
We
met Jill, the 2<sup>nd</sup> trainer, and we started to go more into the
technical stuff like planning a lesson, and grammar. Yes… this is the part that
scares me the most. While most of us, whose first language (L1) is English,
have no problem using proper English on a day to day basis, we aren’t really
sure about the different grammar rules that exist. So you can be assured that it
was a painful process for me, and will probably continue to be for the next few
weeks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I’ve
found a site that lists out the tenses. I think that in the coming 8 weeks, I
have a lot of brushing up to do, on top of getting my lesson plans and
assignments done.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="http://www.englishclub.com/grammar/verb-tenses.htm">http://www.englishclub.com/grammar/verb-tenses.htm</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
On
Saturday, we learned a lot about the Receptive Skills, reading and listening,
the different levels of reading and listening, and how we were going to be
training our students to be proficient in them. It became clear to me that
teaching wasn’t all about guiding the students through reading a passage, or
helping them do the exercises. It’s more about knowing how to prepare them for
the tasks so that they can better attempt them, and even have more confidence
to attempt them on their own. Eventually, we had to also work on a Productive
Skill such as writing and speaking, to put into action what was learned during
the reading and listening. Don’t forget the endless drilling we will also need
to do to help them remember vocabulary and grammar rules.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Lesson
3: Sunday, 10am</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Finally
on Sunday, we explored, in detail with Bernard, how to plan a lesson, and all the dos and
don’ts when conducting a lesson. We had the opportunity to watch a lesson on
DVD and to dissect that same lesson to learn the tips and tricks of a good
lesson, and methods of a good teacher.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
We
went into the technicalities of classroom management, how important it is to
monitor students constantly to see if they are following, giving short, clear
instructions but maintaining a friendly and respectful tone, and knowing how to
manage time so that the lessons don’t overrun or end too early. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Knowing
and setting aims are also important so that we ensure the lesson fulfills the
learning purpose required. This is something I will really need to think about
when preparing my lesson plan. I feel that there is so much consideration
required just to prepare a lesson. Teaching is definitely not just about
pointing, miming, lecturing and telling students to hand in homework.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
This
coming Saturday, we will have an unobserved TP, which means the trainer would
not be watching and assessing us. It’s an opportunity for us to get to know our
students and also conduct a dry run with a short lesson we have been asked to
prepare. There are some teaching methods that I have been considering; I
suppose this would be a good time to try them out?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
On
Sunday, we will have our first assessed TP. I’m done creating my material for the
students. Just some minor tweaking to go and it’s good enough for submission. The
concern now is the lesson plan. I have an idea of what I will be doing.
Completing the material has helped form in my mind how I would go about
conducting the class. Now I will have to sit myself down and complete that
lesson plan.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
As
you can see… almost everything about this course is very practical and hands
on. This makes me believe that I will be truly qualified to teach when I
complete this course. On top of that, we’re assessed all the time and receive
feedback on strengths, weaknesses and what we need improve on after every
assessment. This means I will always know my level of progress and what I need
to do to fix my mistakes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I’m
a bit worried that I will procrastinate. That’s what I did over the weekend,
knowing I had no time to chill the evening away. But I am also fully aware that
if I push myself too hard, I might break and go into my ‘escapism’ mode again.
In any case, I just need to bite the bullet and be disciplined about this. From
today onwards, I need to spend my evenings trying to complete my work ahead of
schedule, rather than trying to complete on time. While it’s tempting to get
cracking on things while I’m at work, I should reserve doing my coursework in
the office only for those items where I need the resources in the office.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
So
2 things on my list now to complete ASAP:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Lesson Plan for TP1<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Assignment 1<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Wish
me luck…</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-77615280959607668132013-09-12T00:25:00.000+08:002013-09-12T00:26:01.413+08:00CELTA-schmelta~<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
So
today, I was asking a friend regarding the certificates I would need to be able
to teach English in Seoul; mainly to seem credible and qualified. She said
TESOL, and I was like… what about TEFL? So I started searching around on the
Internet, and I found that what I really needed was a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CELTA">CELTA (Certificate in English
Language Teaching to Adults)</a>. So after more digging around, I found the
school in Singapore which offered this course.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="http://www.tesol.edu.sg/Cambridge-CELTA">http://www.tesol.edu.sg/Cambridge-CELTA</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
checked that this school was recognized by Cambridge. The British Council is
also offering this certification, but they don’t provide a part time schedule.
So I’m stuck with this school.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<o:p>Well… I was supposed to shower once I got home, have dinner and start working on that ‘pre-interview task’ that the school gave me. But I got carried away calculating how I was gonna pay for this, and dinner was ready. So here I am, bloated after dinner, writing this while I wait for my food to digest a little before I jumped into the shower. Ok… TMI.</o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
******</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
So,
I have pretty much completed the pre-interview task. I dunno why they call it a
task when it’s obviously a test :P I think I lost a chunk of my brain pondering the answers to this... Will I survive the entire course >_<</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The
main reason I am blogging is because I am still questioning myself. I am about
spend $5,176 on this certification, with no guarantee if it’s going to be my
magic ticket to teaching English while I
travel to different Asian countries. I’ve pretty much figured out how to pay
for it, so the next step is how I am going to survive the next 8 weeks.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I have one weekday class, and on weekends, I
will be attending class at 10am to 6pm on Saturdays and Sundays. So this means
no sleeping in on weekends, no late nights, and no trips for the next 8 weeks
starting 25 Sep. But I figured this would be a good time since I didn’t have
plans to go anywhere anyway.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
And because this is also going to create a sizable debt, this also means no shopping for the entire year :( Oh well... at least I am putting my money to good use.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
So
I’m just gonna review my work tomorrow before I send it out, because my brain
is too taxed to be checking my work anymore tonight, and I believe the guy
wants the interview to be completed chop-chop by Tuesday. So… wish me luck!
Zzzzzzzz…</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-18618580593387877282013-08-25T20:18:00.002+08:002013-08-25T20:19:29.079+08:00Let Go And Free Fall<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
spent the afternoon nursing a scar that I had received not too long ago. The
funny thing is… it’s a bloody scar. Scars shouldn't hurt anymore. I knew it was
ridiculous, and yet I continued, for a few hours. I asked ridiculous questions,
said stupid things, and ultimately brought myself down to a state of
depression. It wasn’t until I spoke to my friend, crying as I typed out how I
felt, and I received his advice, that I finally calmed down, and ultimately
pulled myself together so that I could go take a shower and try to finish off
my Sunday in a more humane manner.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
heard the same advice from someone else earlier today. But I guess my friend
just did a more effective job since he knew me well enough.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
“I’m
going to keep chasing everyone away, aren’t I?” I asked.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
“Yes,”
was his reply.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Ultimately,
these were the few words that woke me up.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><i>Let
go and free fall.<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
had been so obsessed with the destination. Granted I had been hurt along the
way; once, twice, thrice. But they are not reasons to shy away from feeling and
living. Continuing to obsess over my scars and trying to use them as a means to
justify my irrational fears is just going to waste my life away.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
So
I’m going reboot myself, and start again from the point where the possibility
of happiness and the capacity to love had been endless. I’m going to take that advice
and just let go of everything, and fall. And if doesn’t matter how far or how
hard this fall is going to be, because I am going to enjoy the exhilaration that
comes with it. That’s how I want to live from now on.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
My
friend also quoted Jim Morrison as his parting words for the day:</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i>People are afraid of themselves, of their
own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is,
but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught
that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid
to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But
they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength
in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters.
Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you
feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your
reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-55302239835842787122013-08-01T12:00:00.002+08:002013-08-01T12:00:11.915+08:00What Do I Write?<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I just felt like writing. I hope this is a sign that
my ‘juices’ are coming back, cos my brain has been feeling like dried oatmeal
for awhile now. Honestly I have nothing in particular that I wanted to write
about. But I just felt compelled by an invisible force to open up MS Word and
start typing. So here I am, with BNR in my ears to keep my brain oiled :P<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Maybe I should write about BNR first. So I picked up
BNR a few weeks ago. Honestly I know close to nothing about them, but I think
their R&B sounds are AWESOME. Let me dig up some info since I started
talking about them. No Wiki, but I managed to find a profile on MWave (<a href="http://mwave.interest.me/kstar/181294/b-n-r-brand-new-radio-/albums">http://mwave.interest.me/kstar/181294/b-n-r-brand-new-radio-/albums</a>).
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
So
BNR is an acronym for Brand New Radio. And they’re a 2-member band. Not
particularly good-looking. So you can say that I am really just in for the
music ;) I started getting into them when I heard <span lang="KO" style="font-family: "Batang","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">아무</span><span lang="KO"> </span><span lang="KO" style="font-family: "Batang","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">말도</span><span lang="KO"> </span><span lang="KO" style="font-family: "Batang","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">없었다</span>
(Did Not Say Anything). Then when I heard their collaboration with Sanchez from
Phantom, <span lang="KO" style="font-family: "Batang","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">흔들었어</span> (Shaken), I was very hooked. So
now I have 2 of their mini albums on repeat on my iPod :D Their instrumentals
are just awesome, and invoke so much emotion in me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Music plays a very big part in building up the right
mood for me to write. I have written chapters just listening to Hans Zimmerman’s
soundtrack for The Holiday. But sometimes, it can be hard to concentrate and
produce certain thoughts when I have music in my ears. I guess that’s when I
have writer’s block and nothing I can do to free my brain.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I hate how I feel inspired to write a story, and after
2-3 paragraphs, I find I can’t continue. Maybe it’s because to be able to
continue, I would have to immerse myself into the story, and really explore how
it will progress. I haven’t done that in a long time. Back then, I was living
the stories. When it was a sad chapter, I’d be sad. When it was a troubling
chapter, I’d be so troubled and stressed. I contemplate if it’s actually safe
to let myself ‘get into character’ like that when I still need to keep my brain
for my day job. I remember those days when I’d much rather write my fiction
than to do the work I’m given in the office. It’s dangerous.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
So yea… I don’t know what I wanna write about. I
thought I would just blog about general stuff and silly things that happen to
me, but they just don’t seem as interesting as fiction. Haha! I need to sit me
down and really figure out what I wanna do :P<o:p></o:p></div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-25965357312541540942013-07-29T11:30:00.000+08:002013-07-29T11:30:56.938+08:00Mistakes<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I think the hardest thing for a person
to deal with is to admit their mistakes. Not small stuff like being late, a
typo or even offending someone; because these are quite obvious mistakes. I’m
referring to making wrong choices, and feeling like you have to trudge on
forward and live with them because you are either too ashamed to admit you made
a mistake, or you feel too guilty to the parties involved that you feel the
only way is to continue and make the best of things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">For the longest time, this is what I
did with most of my decisions that turned out to be mistakes. I always wanted
to prove to others, and myself, that I wasn’t wrong and things would work out
fine. But after a few really big ones, I’m beginning to learn that when you
make a mistake, you cut your losses and move on. Some people may accuse me of
being hasty or ruthless, but when you’ve suffered long enough by trying to live
with a mistake, you will know that you are much better off moving on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I’m not running away from my problems.
I’m just removing myself from a situation where I know isn’t going to turn out
well, instead of allowing myself to continue to be mired by a situation which
will eventually consume me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">In reference to my recent situation;
there were good moments, and there were moments that I was unsure, and then
there were moments that screamed “Bad!”. I guess I was very overwhelmed and
confused, but eventually it was the fact that I didn’t feel comfortable that
prompted me to want out. I know that I cannot be blameless for what happened.
So I’m going to graciously admit that I had definitely rushed into things this
time, and I know it was wrong. I’m sorry things had to turn out like this, but
I do believe that it’s for the best.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The fact that I had even started to
feel some old bouts of depression wafting back into my life, I refuse to allow
more of it to come back and take root. Hence, I am going to move ahead of it,
and stop it. I definitely am not ecstatic now. In fact I am sad that things
have turned out this way. But for me, there is no other way. This is not the
first time, and it should be the last; I am doing this because I want to love
myself more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-23240683554361370992013-07-19T09:29:00.000+08:002013-07-19T09:35:35.525+08:00White Tigers In Captivity Are A Product of Inbreeding<div class="ExternalClass4375A0F9B2764E8FA053CB284A2F87EF">
<div class="ExternalClass492A8D59C3BC4C498C110E2A68369422 ms-rteFontSize-3">
<div class="ExternalClass18BADDB37B4945B09D11776E93FFC99D" style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6101320122678834199" name="_GoBack"></a><span id="ms-rterangecursor-start"></span>I read this article few weeks back: <span style="color: #d90027; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><a href="http://advocacy.britannica.com/blog/advocacy/2010/02/white-tigers-conserving-misery/">White
Tigers: Conserving A Lie.</a></span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Reading it inspired me to write a short feature on my workplace blog. Decided to post it here so that I can share the story with more people :)</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="WhiteTigerDeformed.jpg" height="218" src="http://espresso.net.vic/ESNBlogs/Documents/WhiteTigerDeformed.jpg" style="height: 196px; margin: 5px; width: 192px;" width="237" /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's a little late to know
the truth, but nevertheless, it is an important truth we all need to know and
hopefully do something about. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">White tigers are not a
specific breed of tigers, but a product of a genetic anomaly called 'leucism',
which prevents the pigment from coloring the skin and the fur. This causes a
tiger to lose its natural camouflage abilities, which is why white tiger cubs
rarely survive till adulthood in the wild. On top of that, the white tigers are
also plagued with a host of health problems which includes scoliosis of the
spine, cleft palates, and more often than not, their optical nerves are wired to
the wrong side of the brain, causing them to be crosseyed or in some cases,
their eyes would even be bulging out of their heads. Many are also
either stillborn or do not survive infancy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I obtained the chronology of
the white Bengal tiger from <a href="http://bigcatrescue.org/abuse-issues/issues/white-tigers/">Big Cat
Rescue’s site</a>.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1820:<br /> A white tiger was displayed
at Exeter Change.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1915:<br /> White tiger cub captured by
Maharajah Gulab Singh of Rewa. Upon its death it was gifted to King George V as
a sign of India’s loyalty to the crown.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">25th May 1951:<br /> A forest laborer reported
sighting a white tiger cub.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">26th May 1951:<br />
The cub’s mother and two of
its three siblings were shot and killed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">27th May 1951:<br />
Maharaja Martand Singh
captured Mohan.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">30th May 1951:<br />
The cub escapes and a large
party goes out to recapture it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">26th February 1952:<br />
A normal colored tigress
named Begum is captured.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">10th April 1955:<br />
Begum produced a litter of a
male and two female cubs. All were orange, as were all the cubs in her
subsequent two litters.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">December 1957:<br />
Mohan was mated with Radha,
his four-year-old daughter from the second litter with
Begum.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">20th October 1958:<br />
Radha produced an all-white
litter of a male and three female cubs. They were christened Raja, Rani, Sukeshi
and Mohini. Subsequently:The male and one female (Raja
and Rani) were gifted to the National Zoological Gardens in New
Delhi.Mohini was transported to
Washington D.C.Sukeshi was kept for mating
with Mohan and remained with him until he was withdrawn from breeding. She was
then housed with her son in hopes they would breed but he showed no interest in
mating with her and after six years without success she too was transferred to
the National Zoological Gardens in New Delhi where she died on the 2nd February
1975.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">May 1964:<br />
Raja and Rani were mated.
Rani gave birth to two white cubs, a male and a female. She mauled both and the
female died. The male, ‘Tippu’ lost his tail and was hand-raised with great
difficulty.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">August 1965:<br />
Two white cubs born to Rani.
Both die due to neglect.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">19th December 1965:<br />
Three white cubs are born to
Rani. They were left in her care for just over a month, at which point she lost
interest and they were hand-raised. The female dies at the age of 17-months and
one male dies on the 17th April 1967 during shipping to the United
States.Breeding of Rani continued
and she produced a total of 20 white cubs.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">19th December 1969:<br />
Mohan died aged 19 years 7
months. All captive white tigers descend from Mohan, which explains why they are
so genetically inbred.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As you can see, Mohan is the
ancestor and origin of all white tigers in captivity. Many zoos keep, breed and
display white tigers for the sake of drawing crowds. Some even market it as a
conservation effort, which is far from the truth because the species only exists
due to a genetic anomaly. White tigers can never be released into the wild
because they will not be able to survive without their camouflage abilities. And
what about those cubs that were born the 'wrong colour' i.e. orange with black
stripes; they are usually discarded and suffer from the same genetic defects
too.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Being curious, because I did
remember seeing white tigers at the Singapore Zoo long ago, I checked out their
<a href="http://www.zoo.com.sg/exhibits-zones/white-tiger.html#ad-image-0"><span style="color: #d90027; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">website</span></a>.
The white tiger exhibit is featured on their website. While they did mention
Mohan, there is no further mention on the issue of inbreeding of white tigers,
and I am not sure how the standpoint from which the zoo is exhibiting these
tigers. Perhaps it’s time I visited the zoo again, or has someone been there
recently and can provide feedback? </span><span id="ms-rterangecursor-end" style="font-family: calibri, sans-serif;"></span></div>
</span></div>
</div>
</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-40609314450829230412013-07-17T14:20:00.001+08:002013-10-27T19:25:33.068+08:00Moving Forward<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6101320122678834199" name="_GoBack"></a>Hello, hello~<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
know I have not been writing for some time; a long, long time. It’s not that I
have been feeling uninspired, but each time I have an idea, it only lasts for a
few paragraphs. I am rarely able to follow through. What’s going on? In fact, I
don’t even know how to continue writing this. Haha!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
If
you know me personally, or have been reading, you would’ve noticed that I ended
a relationship awhile back. I never really wrote about the exact situation.
Sometimes I feel like I am actually embarrassed about my past, and unable to
relive any painful memories because they may have the ability to depress me all
over again. Each time I go through a bad relationship, I have been tempted to
write about it, to recount the entire process, but I always chickened out. They
just seemed too personal and painful to recount in detail.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Today…
I just have this urge to mention my past a little, and write about something
new that has happened to me. This is as honest as I can get… so bear with me,
eh? :D<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
never knew what I was searching for. Of course I have expectations, but I realized
that they were all superficial and only dealt with the surface level of a human
being. People have always asked me what would my ideal man be like, and I have
so far only been able to provide characteristics such as tall, athletic,
stable, manly… I found a person like that awhile back. When I first met him, he
had given me the impression that he was looking for commitment. In a way, he
mentioned that he was looking for commitment. I took that as an indication that
I could commit fully too, and even when there were signs that he didn’t seem
all that ready to commit, I brushed them aside and continued investing myself
into the relationship.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
When
I meet someone, my original ideals tend to become secondary. Sure I still know
what I want, but I guess I magnify the little good, and try to ignore anything
bad about this person. Why? Because I want so much for things to work out; who doesn’t?
Time after time, I do this, and it wasn’t till the last relationship ended that
I realized what I had been doing to myself.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
There
is nothing wrong in wanting to find ‘the one’, but sacrificing your identity
and sanity in order to preserve something that probably did not exist is just
plain stupidity. That’s what I did for at least 4 months out of the entire 6
months. I took everything that came my way; instructions, expectations,
criticisms, and once in awhile, even insults. No, I was not abused, but in a
way, I was not treated in the way I needed to be treated. I now marveled how I
managed to stick with someone who couldn’t even tell me that he loved me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
While
those 3 words could be overrated and misused, they mean a lot to me when a person
takes time to say them. Everyone can agree that talk is cheap. But in any case,
words will always be appreciated, and words will always provide comfort when
you are feeling fearful, unsure and insecure. I had been unsure and insecure
for 6 months, and I decided enough was enough. I am glad I had the courage to
let go, and I thank the person who helped find my trigger point.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
After
it all ended, I just felt that the world had become a place where everyone was
selfish, egotistical and no one actually honored their promises and commitments
anymore. I spent a few months trying to ‘come to terms’ with the ‘state of the
world’. But in this time, I realized that I had something really valuable in my
life; friends. My friends were all there for me when I needed to talk and
needed companionship. I don't have that many close friends, but I am glad those I have kept close to my side and close to my heart, they have always been wonderful to me. I hope that when they need me someday, I can be there for them too...</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-43851761654643163972013-07-09T00:25:00.001+08:002013-07-19T09:36:45.752+08:00I can count on me<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
People tend to be able to relate when someone rich and
famous says, “It’s lonely at the top.” Yet, when someone who seems sociable
claims that they don’t have many friends, no one really believes them. The fact
is that most people will be a friend to you… when it’s fun, when it suits them
most; but what happens when things aren’t that pleasant. Are they going to
stick around for you?</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I guess the even more disappointing truth is that all the
time you spend, trying to build a ‘support network’ may end up a big flop, because
some of these people never intended to be a part of it to begin with. For that
reason, I am starting to believe that you can never go wrong when you stick
with a few good friends as opposed to having a friend for this activity, a
group for that activity, and the list goes one. Have a few good friends you can
really have conversations with, and if you need to pursue and activity you
really like, do it alone… with strangers.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
The whole point here is to never start counting on people
to always do something with you. At some point, we are bound to be
disappointed. Even I can’t count on me, and if I don’t become a permanent
fixture to anyone, I won’t have to disappoint them eventually</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-47323440196269934612013-06-21T13:39:00.004+08:002013-06-21T14:08:52.894+08:00Zuckerberg’s Top 10 Trends in Silicone Valley<br />
<em>by Kerry Williams</em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;"></span><div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</em>Mark Zuckerberg’s sister, Randi Zuckerberg, is in town and it turns out she is quite accomplished in her own right. Before joining Facebook as their CMO she graduated from Harvard and gained experience working at Ogilvy & Mather in New York.
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
She tells stories about her time at Facebook that correlate closely with the Facebook movie: that it all started with a bunch of guys in a house working on their passion and of all night ‘hackathons’ where staff were challenged to build something new in 24 hours. She recounts her experiences witnessing global events unfold on Facebook newsfeeds - countless global elections, 2 Olympic Games and many disaster relief efforts - and lists receiving a call from the White House during a US Presidential Election as the highlight of her career so far. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
These experiences have led her to distill a list of the ‘<strong>Top 10 Trends in Silicone Valley Today</strong>’. What do you think? </div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><strong>1. Luxury on Demand</strong><br />
Every day consumers want little pieces of luxury in their lives and they’re willing to splurge to pay for them.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.renttherunway.com/">www.renttherunway.com</a> – Premier designer dress rental<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.uber.com/">www.uber.com</a> – Everyone’s Private Driver<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.jetsuite.com/">www.jetsuite.com</a> – Private air travel for everyone<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>2. Mobile Everywhere </strong><br />
From mobile payments to home security systems and baby monitors, we’re all acutely aware of this trend. Randi Zuckerberg’s advice: focus on one mobile use case and make it awesome. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.squareup.com/">www.squareup.com</a> – mobile payments<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.dropcam.com/">www.dropcam.com</a> – baby monitor<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.runpee.com/">www.runpee.com</a> – best times to run and pee during a movie<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>3. Rise of the Entre-Employee</strong><br />
Big companies are starting entrepreneurial tracks inside their organizations to hold-on to their best talent. <br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>4. Big Data</strong><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The whole point of big data is extreme personalization. The more data there is in the system about you the better the personalization becomes. </div>
<br />
Pandora <br />
<br />
Yelp<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.waze.com/">www.waze.com</a> – Social GPS<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>5. The cloud has replaced our memory </strong><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We panic about losing our phones not because we can’t communicate but because it means we’ve lost our memories. </div>
<br />
<a href="http://www.evernote.com/">www.evernote.com</a> – Remember Everything<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>6. Cars are the new mobiles</strong><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Developers are now focusing their attention on cars. Next generation cars will have native apps built in for things like shopping and the weather and it won’t be long before we all have self-driving cars. </div>
<br />
<br />
<strong>7. Gamification of everything</strong><br />
Game mechanics are being applied to everything to make life fun and increase adoption. <br />
<br />
Snooze App – donate money every time you hit the snooze button<br />
<br />
Withings Wi-Fi Body Scale – scale that tweets your weight<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.nikeplus.nike.com/">www.nikeplus.nike.com</a> - social running app<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.runforyourlives.com/">www.runforyourlives.com</a> – zombies chase you while you run<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>8. Everyone can have a second job</strong><br />
The collaborative economy is here - if you have a job you need done you can outsource it.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.liftshare.com/">www.liftshare.com</a> – car sharing<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.taskrabbit.com/">www.taskrabbit.com</a> - personal assistant<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.porky.com/">www.porky.com</a> – crowd sourced new product development<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.etsy.com/">www.etsy.com</a> – arts and craft market place<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.99designs.com.sg/">www.99designs.com.sg</a> – crowd sourced design<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>9. Brands are now media companies</strong><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Today, companies not only have to create new products but they also have to entertain customers. </div>
<br />
Red Bull astronaut <br />
<br />
Oreo 2013 Super Bowl<br />
<br />
Diane Von Furstenburg + Google Glass runway show<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>10. It’s time for a digital detox</strong><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
People crave a chance to be unplugged. 70% of Americans don’t go to sleep without checking their email and it’s now become socially acceptable not to give someone your full attention and use your phone whilst talking with them. New products are being developed to allow people to ‘unplug’ from it all. </div>
<br />
<a href="http://www.drivesafe.ly/">www.drivesafe.ly</a> – the app to stop distracted driving<br />
<br />
Full Contact – a company paying employees a $7500 bonus if they disconnect their work email whilst on holiday<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #999999; font-size: small;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
<em><span style="color: #666666;">Kerry Williams is a native Australian and is currently an Associate Director with a leading telecommunications company in Singapore.</span></em></div>
</span>시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-92187382655592280402013-05-26T01:49:00.001+08:002013-05-26T01:49:21.858+08:00Does having the last word matter?<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
I had the last word. Pretty much… but my last words weren’t
exactly what I felt. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
I guess this is the price you pay when you choose to be
amicable about things. People would probably tell me that it’s not worth it.
This person isn’t worth my time, my anger, the trouble to speak to him. But I
just feel that I have kept everything inside for all this time.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
I can’t say he didn’t suffer in any way. But at the end
of the day, I don’t know how he feels about it all, and I can only examine and
deal with my own feelings. At first it was just disappointment, sadness, regret…
but now, it’s changing into anger.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
I don’t identify with the all’s fair in love and war
thing. Yes, I have received forgiveness for hurting people before, and the
person said the same to me; there is not right and wrong in a relationship. But
if you ask me, I would say that despite this ‘doctrine’, there are just some
things you don’t do to people if you want to be viewed a normal human being. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
At this point, I just want to sit him down, and rant, and
tell him how I felt deceived, how I felt hurt, how I felt used, how I was not
appreciated, how he could’ve been more honest in the beginning and how he can’t
keep treating people this way. I know he may not care for what I have to say,
and obviously it’s not going to change him, but I do want to get it out of my
system. Why? Because I have never once confronted him about anything… not with
anger.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
I’ve always wonder if it really is a virtue that I never
throw tantrums, or it’s just stupid of me for never expressing myself when I
needed to. Each time I felt angry, I would end up talking around in circles
because I didn’t how to express my thoughts. Full-blown anger would rile him,
emotional blabber annoys him, and while I know the best way is to stay calm, be
rational and give good examples to illustrate things, it’s so difficult when
you feel upset. The biggest problem is when he starts responding, and I lose my
train of thought, and get swayed by his opinion. Sometimes I even get
intimidated, God knows why… </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
I’m rambling now. I can feel my emotions welling up and I’m
starting to lose my train of thought, but somehow writing always seems more
effective for me; at least when I get lost, I can compose myself and try again.
I am well aware that this post is pointless, other than helping me air my
thoughts… so… yea. I just want to yell at him now, because I never did.</div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
I wish I were a cold, hard bitch sometimes. It might have
either made me more resilient, or at least I would not take shit from anyone.
But I guess one can never eliminate their true nature. The fact is I will
always be a softie, and I just need to learn to put on some armor. Anger is how
I protect myself from feeling sad and forlorn, so I guess my defense mechanism
is kicking in now.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
I honestly hope I never have to write a post like this ever again... It's not productive at all :P</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-9793038800068320242013-04-24T17:17:00.001+08:002013-04-24T17:37:41.364+08:00Where is the love?<div style="text-align: justify;">
There is so much going on in the world today. Whenever we go on the internet, be it on Facebook, Twitter or simply a news site like Yahoo!... we’re be hard-pressed not to find something outrageous or scandalous to read about.<br />
<br />
I’ve been living a partial hermit life as of late. I find myself often bothered and sometimes saddened by the things people would post on Facebook, or be harassed by dozens of game requests. I find it meaningless to continue reading about the troubles in the world and to even discuss it with the people around me. It’s not because I have no will to stay abreast with current issues, but it’s simply because the world feels so forlorn and disappointing these day.<br />
<br />
So where do I spend my time now? When I go online, I visit the websites of my favourite Christian ministries such as Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer. When I am not online, I read numerous self-help books and also attempt to study the bible. If the question has popped up in your head, then my answer is, “Yes, I have accepted Christ as my savior.”<br />
<br />
Years ago, I would never have understood the devotion of my devout Christian friends. But I can see now that in a world full of violence, hatred and hurting people, it seems having faith is the only way we can stay sane. Morality and integrity has deteriorated to such a low point. People have come to only believe we should ‘trust in ourselves’, ‘be confident in ourselves’ and ‘look out for ourselves’. You see the pattern? The majority of society has become entirely interested only in self-preservation. Black Eyed Peas released a popular song some years ago, entitled ‘Where is the love?’. I ask the same question:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
Where has love gone to? What is love to people these days?<br />
<br />
Even I, myself, had practiced selfish love for the longest time. I was mainly interested in how people viewed me, and what they did to show me they loved me or approved of me. But being Christian has taught me something new: Love starts from within us. There is no conspiracy in the bible’s teaching that we have been called to love people. I found that when we started to love people, mainly by being nice, putting others first and making the effort to reach out to help people who need us, we soon forget about our personal issues. And when we forget about ourselves, that is when selfless love comes about, and we eventually become happier and more contented people because we’ve forgotten about what we wanted and stopped fixating on the ‘problem’ in our lives.<br />
<br />
These days, I like to believe I have zero problems. If I had any, I believed that I just needed to act in faith, and let God take care of the rest. There is so much relief in knowing that I don’t have to spend my entire day pondering on something and worrying about something that I can’t change with my own strength. Most of the time, we really do need to ‘ride it out’ or let things run their course, rather than immediately act on it. The only situations that require immediate actions are life & death situations. If it’s nothing of the sort, we can probably wait on it after we have done what rightfully needs to be done.<br />
<br />
I find myself slowly growing into a more joyful, positive and strong person as of late. I still battle with my insecurities, fears and other issues from time to time, but it is getting easier with each battle won. I am looking forward to being a more complete person, and one who is steadfast in my faith, able to always love and give to others.<br />
<br />
I am not here to preach that Christianity is the best religion in the whole wide world, because it is still a world of free will, but we must always remember with free will comes responsibility for the things you do unto others. I will leave you with a very good answer to the question, “What is the best religion?”, and it was the Dalai Lama who provided this wonderful answer…<br />
<br />
<i>“The best religion is the one that gets you closest to God. It is the one that makes you a better person.”</i><br />
<br />
The Dalai Lama also imparted this very important teaching:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
<i>Take care of your Thoughts because they become Words.<br />Take care of your Words because they will become Actions.<br />Take care of your Actions because they will become Habits.<br />Take care of your Habits because they will form your Character.<br />Take care of your Character because it will form your Destiny,<br />and your Destiny will be your Life</i>.<br />
<br />
I leave you with the link to the dialogue between His Holiness and theologian Leonardo Boff. I hope you have also learned something today, like I did :)<br />
<br />
http://inthefootstepsofthebuddha.com/your-religion-is-not-important/</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-13988371569751975802013-04-24T00:34:00.000+08:002013-04-24T00:34:08.297+08:00Let bygones be bygones<div style="text-align: justify;">
I learned a very important lesson today. One that I have heard of and received throughout the years, but did not truly commit to it. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><i>Let bygones be bygones.</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I used to dwell so much on past things, and when I found out something that I didn't know had happened, I still got agitated and felt that I had to deal with and confront the matter. The point I totally missed was that <b><u>it had happened</u></b>. Nothing I do or say <b>now</b> can change it, and most of the time, doing or saying something about it won't even help the future.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
One of my ex-bosses used to say, "The past has no future." I am beginning to believe in that doctrine. The past says nothing about our future and determines nothing about our future, <i>unless we let it</i>. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It doesn't matter if you've failed in the past; you may have stumbled and fallen yesterday, last week or years ago, but you living in this time and day just means you have another opportunity to keep going and head towards the success and happiness you want.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It doesn't matter if someone has wronged you; whether they lied to you, betrayed you, hurt you or tried to destroy you. It has passed, and if you can forgive the person, you are already on your way to healing from the incident and progressing in life. Perhaps you may not forget, but forgiving removes the thorn from your flesh, and allows you to heal from the wound. The scar may always be there, but it only serves as a reminder, it can never hurt you again. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It is also very important to not start assuming that you may screw up again, or that anyone else in the world can hurt you again, because then you'd be hanging on to the pain and you won't be moving on in life. <b>Treat every bad incident as a one-off</b>. Tell yourself that every day is an opportunity for something great to happen. You may encounter days when you fall back into grief or even anger in remembrance of the incident, but don't worry about that. Hit that 'reboot' button, and start over. If you can keep going long enough, soon it will become a habit, it will be natural for you to expect goodness in your life and there will be no room in your thoughts or life for the bad, the sad or anything negative.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If you're hanging on to something today, be it hurt, discontent or anger, forgive or let go of it. Tell yourself life if worth more than being miserable each day. Life is about enjoying the journey, and finishing knowing you made the most of every situation and appreciated every person who was in it.</div>
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<br /></div>
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So I say to you today, my friend, let bygones be bygones. Every day is a brand new and exciting day! :)</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-21494680300801407122013-03-23T13:29:00.000+08:002013-03-23T13:29:47.161+08:00The Honeymoon's Over?<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
At some point in time, all romantic relationships wind
down a little, and it signifies what people call the end of the ‘honeymoon
period’. The undying urge to see each other, be with each other and talk for
hours has diminished. And both parties are supposed to take comfort in knowing
that while all things are reduced, it does not signify a deterioration of the
relationship.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
But sometimes, we have an issue of onlookers and some
people with ‘well-intentions’ offering you feedback. Feedback like, “Oh, the
first 6 months are supposed to be the sweetest.” Or even, “You boyfriend should
do this for you still. It’s too soon to wanna stop.” While they were indeed
sincerely giving well-meant opinions based on their experiences, we gotta
remember the key word will always be “<b>their experiences</b>”. When these words stir
up insecurities within you, you have got to remember that, it’s all about <b><u>their</u>
experiences</b>, and <b>nothing</b> to do with <b>what <u>you</u> are experiencing</b>.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
Each relationship has a different speed of development,
whether it is due to the characters of the couple, or circumstances. Hence,
<b>never judge <u>this</u> relationship in relation to <u>other</u> relationships</b>. Sit down and
think about the way your relationship had developed, and remind yourself of all the milestones you have achieved together so far. But in any case, the best thing you can
do is to discuss it.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
Sometimes, this happens when either party has become
burnt out, and needs to reduce efforts. Sometimes it happens because either
party has gotten comfortable enough to not require so much contact to feel
involved in the relationship. Whatever the reason is, it will be good to <b>discuss
the situation and assure the more active party that the relationship is <u>not
deteriorating</u></b>. While contact may have been reduced, it doesn’t mean they are
not being thought of or cared about. Try to come to a middle ground or even discuss how the
active party can be helped to be transitioned into a ‘slow-down’ state. Once
this effort is made, the situation will have a chance of calming down and the
relationship can proceed in peace.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<b>To assume, is one of human’s most common mistakes.</b> When you assume the
other person understands, or even they know you still care for or love them, it’s
creating opportunity for misunderstanding to occur. I'd like to call it, 'assumption begets assumption'. If you assume they know you care, they may assume you don't really care. So <b>some things do need to be said.</b>
For the sake of clarity and making sure all bases are covered, you need to be
vocal about it so that the other party will have no chance to feel insecure by
a sudden or even gradual change in your attitude.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
While each person is ultimately responsible for handling
their own insecurities, we should still do our best to help the person we love
or care for to feel better so that they can be encouraged to overcome it. This
is by no means coddling the person. <b>Encouragement is the best thing you can
give anyone feeling negative.</b> They are seeds to help a person start growing
positive thoughts.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<b>Open, honest and willing communication can solve a lot of
problems.</b> So if we take the time to air our feelings in an <b>honest and caring
manner</b>, we would eventually come to understand each other better, and allow the
relationship to grow :)</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-15787732989045372752013-03-18T20:09:00.000+08:002013-03-18T20:09:29.358+08:00Slow in the Mornings<div style="text-align: justify;">
I’ve had this problem for years, and I’ve always concluded that I wasn’t a ‘morning person’. But there was one thing I have begun to notice in recent times. The earlier I got up, the easier it was to just ‘get up and go’. The longer I lay there on the bed, snoozing, or the later the hour I had to actually wake up, it gets harder to actually open my eyes and get off my comfy bed.<br />
<br />
I don’t know if you have the same symptoms. Heavy head, aching body or perhaps some regular ailment you’ve always had; in my case, acid reflux. These things give us reasons, or perhaps if you want to be a little more forthright, excuses to just lie back, and keep snoozing. Another 5 minutes, another 10 minutes, another 15 minutes, and you realise you’re late :) I’ve always envied people who could just sit up and get off the bed the moment their alarm clock sounded, but I realised, it wasn’t that these people didn’t feel tired or aching, they’ve just made it a good habit to ‘get up and go’.<br />
<br />
Yes… it’s a habit; one that we all need to form in slow succession. It doesn’t come naturally like breathing or needing a drink of water. We need to actually train ourselves to stop being… lazy. Haha! So what have I been doing to cure myself of this?<br />
<br />
First thing I needed to resolve was my acid reflux problem. Somehow, this problem requires a mind over matter approach, and also some actions. Every night, I tell myself that I don’t have a problem, and I’m going to wake up feeling good. After 2-3 nights, lo and behold, it seemed to have worked. Second thing was actually a tip from my colleague… coffee in the morning is too acidic for my stomach. To be honest, I have been too addicted to coffee to stop having coffee with my breakfast, but after being reminded by my colleague, I decided it’s time to take better care of myself. I can still have coffee, just not in the mornings. So guess what? Acid reflux is now pretty much gone. So what is it that I have learnt? My problem was a result of a habit that I had refused to eliminate. Now that the habit was gone, the problem was diminishing. One down!<br />
<br />
Alright! Next comes the problem with aching body or heavy head, probably from restless sleep or perhaps a strenuous workout from the day before? The second would be a pretty valid reason, but the first one, well, is an excuse. Yes, I will call it as it is now, even if I do experience it myself. It’s an excuse. I have learned that the moment you roll off that bed and get moving, the heavy head is going to lighten, and all those aches will eventually be forgotten. <br />
<br />
One way I tried to motivate myself was: <br />
‘If I woke up earlier, I could get ready leisurely.’ <br />
<br />
I don’t even have to look at the clock and just went about my routine and I would walk out of my home on time, unhurried, and not forget anything. So these days, I allow myself a small snooze still, but I would wake up, stick my mobile phone in the handbag (so I wouldn’t forget it when I left home), and start to get ready, without bothering to watch the time. Because I knew that if I had woken up on time, I would have ample time to get ready at a comfortable pace :) This has resulted in a very enjoyable process of getting ready for work.<br />
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Of course, if you want to work further backwards, you’d also have to make sure you go to bed on time and etc. But that’s another habit we shall examine at a later time. <br />
<br />
Learning to be a ‘morning person’ is pretty much like making the effort to start working out for the first time or making the effort to learn a new skill. The first step matters a lot and every day after, you try again and again until you finally get comfortable with it. And when you do, you will find yourself bounding onto your feet in the mornings, even on a weekend! :P Yep... it will affect you so profoundly that you would even lose the urge to sleep in on weekends. Haha!<br />
<br />
So, the truth is, we could really all not be a ‘morning person’, but we can all definitely learn to begin our day with more commitment and less laziness. In his article, <a href="http://www.joelosteen.com/pages/article.aspx?h4tid=44" target="_blank">The First 10 Minutes</a>, Dr. Paul Osteen said that behavioural scientists have discovered that the first ten minutes of each day can set the course of your entire day. So, will you commit yourself to having a good start each morning so that you can start expecting an awesome day ahead? I’ve begun to see the benefits of it, and I am sure you will too! ^_^</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-527984623748521052013-03-13T19:28:00.001+08:002013-03-13T19:37:29.657+08:00Making Peace with Your Past<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am sure that many of us have past mistakes or past hurts, and I don’t think it would be presumptuous of me to say that most of us try to ‘forget’ about it and move on, when all we actually do is suppress the incident, and try to walk forward. However, like an iron ball and chain, from time to time, we are reminded that we’re not getting too far, because we are ‘suddenly reminded’ of the incidents. At that point, we would replay the whole scene in our heads, relive the hurt, the pain, the humiliation that came with it, and allow ourselves to feel miserable for that moment or sometimes, for a longer time than we should. Well, it doesn’t have to be that way.</div>
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Referring back to my previous post on forgiveness; Yes, sometimes there really isn’t anything to forgive, but most of the time, we revisit the past because we have not, so to speak, recovered from it. It still angers us when we think of how this person betrayed us. It still annoys us when we remember a foolish thing we had done. It still saddens us when we remember a loss, be it a person, object or perhaps a dream. But there is one thing we can all start doing to enable ourselves to let go much more easily. So the question I pose now is, “Are you ready to really let go of your past?”</div>
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Yes, that person hurt you. Call it bad judgement on your part or perhaps that person was really just lowly scum. Just sit down one last time, and think about how everything happened. Take note of the key points and learn from them. Then, tell yourself that it was a mistake, and mistakes happen, and that you will not make the same mistake again. But still, there is no reason to believe that everyone else will be out to hurt you. Have faith that you just happened to meet one bad person. <u>That <b>one</b> bad person does not represent the <b>entire</b> human race</u>.</div>
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Yes, you made a mistake. Call it momentary stupidity or perhaps you weren’t as alert as you should’ve been on that day. But no one is perfect, right? We have our different levels of ‘being our best’ each day, and that happened to be your best that day. Stop dwelling on it! I bet no one actually remembers that you even made that mistake. In any case, people are more interested in fresh humiliation. <u>As soon as <b>someone else</b> makes a mistake, <b>your</b> mistake will be forgotten</u> ;)</div>
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Sure, you missed a boat, lost your dream. Call it lack of determination or even bad luck. Do your dreams and goals end here? No they don’t! Find new ways to achieve them. If you can’t get exactly what you want anymore, <u><b>ask yourself</b> how you would be willing to settle, and <b>start planning</b> how to get there</u>. It’s really how flexible you wanna be in the quest to make yourself feel happy and fulfilled.</div>
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Yes, you lost someone you love. It could be through death, or perhaps the person walked out of your life. But know that a person who passed on would want you to continue living happy and healthy, while a person who walked out on you couldn’t care less anymore. In either situation, you have a choice; be happy or be miserable. If you <u>choose to be happy</u>, the person who passed on will definitely be happy for you. As for that person who walked out on you… you’re showing that person you’re better off without him/her.</div>
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So what is the gist of it all? We all need to be honest about what happened, review it and let it go for real. <b>Apologise if you need to, forgive if you need to, write it out and recount all the details, then tell yourself it has truly passed and you’re on your way to a new life</b>. Don’t stick it in a shoebox in your closet and peek into it every now and then. Stick it in a shoebox, and <b>throw it out</b>! The sooner we get rid of negative emotional burdens, the lighter we feel, and the faster we are able to head out into a more promising future.</div>
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So do yourself a favour today, and choose to make peace with the past, then move on. Once you do, I am sure you will feel like you’ve just hit the ‘reboot’ button on your life and given it a fresh start :)</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6101320122678834199.post-5248703473303360082013-03-07T19:58:00.000+08:002013-03-07T20:02:35.800+08:00Faith vs Fear<div style="text-align: justify;">
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I never knew how debilitating fear was, until I took a good look at how it has affected my life. I grew up in fear, and I am pretty sure most of us did to…<br />
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<i>Fear that my parents would be displeased with me or punish me.</i><br />
<i>Fear of ghosts, and all things scary.</i><br />
<i>Fear I would not pass my exams.</i><br />
<i>Fear I will not have a good career.</i><br />
<i>Fear I will not find a good husband.</i><br />
<i>Fear I wasn’t attractive or intelligent enough.</i><br />
<i>Fear of being alone.</i><br />
<i>Fear of death.</i><br />
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All these things, one way or the other, have been dictating the way I lived life. They made me so insecure and fearful that I have lived life without conviction and confidence. People have always told me that I looked like a secure and confident person, but I would be honest now and say… that was a front, and when I did speak with confidence and conviction, it was mostly false bravado. Sad, isn’t it?<br />
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Other than reading Don Miguel Ruiz and Gary Chapman, I have recently been introduced to a new source of inspiration. It would be pretty radical for me to start calling him a source of inspiration because I come from a family of staunch Taoists, but Joel Osteen, a pastor, is now like a life mentor to me. Call it Fate, but I believe his messages came to me at the right time. They spoke directly to me.<br />
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“<b>When you agree with fear, you are giving what you are fearing the right to come to pass</b>,” Joel said in his message, Activate Faith, Not Fear.<br />
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I agree wholeheartedly. Pretty much, when we agree with a particular fear, our thinking and actions will begin to react in a way that may eventually cause that fear to come true. Some call it the ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’. When we continuously worry about something, we are going to start reacting to ‘prevent’ it from happening, not even knowing if it was going to happen in the first place, and eventually, our actions may cause it to not only happen, but to be blown out of proportion at the same time. I have definitely seen that happen to myself before.<br />
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So if you are worried about something you know you have no control of, or fearing something you know, deep inside, is irrational… <b>STOP! Do not agree with the fear. Have faith!</b><br />
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Faith is the exact opposite of fear, because it is about believing that good things will happen to us. So… rather than believing that something bad is about to happen, wouldn't we rather believe that good things will come to us, and subconsciously act to enable them to happen? If I had known to turn all my fears to faith long ago, I am sure I would now be a happier, more confident and secure woman with a brighter future ahead of me. But it's never too late to start today, so let’s take all my earlier fears, and turn them into faith!<br />
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<i>My parents love me and are proud of me.</i><br />
<i>There’s no reason to be afraid of ghosts for I have done nothing to offend them.</i><br />
<i>I will pass all of my exams because I do my best.</i><br />
<i>I will have an awesome career because I am intelligent and capable.</i><br />
<i>I will find a man who will love and cherish me for the rest of my life.</i><br />
<i>I am beautiful and exceptionally intelligent and talented.</i><br />
<i>I am never alone because I have awesome friends.</i><br />
<i>There is no reason to fear death if I have lived my life to the fullest, to the best of my abilities.</i><br />
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I am certain if we all believed in the good things in ourselves, good things will start happening to us. Try it today, and let me know if you feel more and more awesome as time passes :)</div>
시에라 (Sierra)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15565731748175067379noreply@blogger.com0