MKR II: Chapter 2

“When did you get back?” I asked him.

I hadn’t seen him in months and he appeared just like that; in my room, on my bed.

“A few hours ago,” he said, stretching and yawning at the same time.

“So you finally have time to come see me?” I said as I continued moving about the room, picking up stuff and preparing for tomorrow’s day at work.

“Mian… it’s been crazy for the past few months, or even the past year if you’ll accept it,” he said.

“Can I not?” I replied.

“I guess not,” he laughed softly.

“I guess you’re the only one who finds it funny,” I remarked.

He sighed, and got off to bed to come towards me. He turned me around so that he could hug me face to face. I stiffened. My body had almost forgotten how it felt to have him so near. For the past 6 months, at least, I was learning to forget how much I needed him near, and here he was again, forcing my body to unlearn and to accept his touch again. It took less than a few seconds. I’d encased my heart in ice for the past year since we’d started falling apart, and now it was exposed and left open for him to conquer again.

I hugged him back. Warm tears streamed down my cheeks, onto his shoulders. My fingers clutched his shirt. My entire being was engulfed in feelings of anger, yearning and relief. I was angry for being left behind. I yearned for him to come back. Now that he was back, I was relieved that he still felt the same. When I had went through those intense feelings, the final one to hit me was the most vivid; confusion. So what’s happening now? Was he back for good?

“Mianhae,” he whispered as we pulled apart.

His thumb came to sweep the tears from my face, and he kissed my forehead gently.

“Why have you come?” I finally asked him.

“I missed you,” he said. “I know I’ve been gone for so long, and I know you wouldn’t believe me, but I’ve missed you.”

“So? You just came by for a quickie?” I said.

I know it was possible the most crass thing to say at the moment, but I had to know his intentions. I wasn’t ready to go through what I’ve been through the past few months for the 2^nd time.

“No,” he said, and even smiled in spite of my harsh words. “I just came to see you and to catch up.”

“Why now? Why not 2 months ago? Why not 4 months ago?” I asked.

“Come here,” he said and pulled me towards the bed so that we could sit on the edge.

He sat down, but I refused to. Seeing him again had invoked so many feelings within me and I will continue to feel unsettled until he gave me a final decision.

“I just want to get this clear before we move forward,” I said. “I can’t go on wondering when you would choose to reappear again.”

“Didn’t we agree on a break?” he asked.

“Yes, but you didn’t say till when,” I pointed out. “So are you back from your break now?”

“I know I didn’t say when. I’m still not sure if I’m ready to come back or be there for you the way I used to.”

“So you’re here today to mess up all my hard work?”

“Hard work?” he said, puzzled.

“Do you think it’s easy for me to try and forget and carry on without you in my life?” I asked him. “I know we’ve always been busy and we didn’t spend each and every day with each other, but knowing you were there all this time made a difference to me. For past year, I had to learn to stop depending on you for emotional support and for your physical presence.”

By now, the tears had reappeared again. I was already physically tired today and it really wasn’t the time to have to deal with this since I had a long day ahead tomorrow.

The past year had been tough for me. I had to learn to manage without him by my side. I couldn’t text him, I couldn’t send him messages on Cyworld and I hardly saw him on NateOn. I tried cutting myself off totally in the beginning, and I just felt it hurt too much. In the end, we just started communicating again on Twitter and via the occasional email.

The pain had ebbed to a dull ache, but now it was wreaking its pain within my chest again. I felt that any minute I would be gasping for air again and desperately clutching at straws. I had trained my heart to forget how it felt to see his face, and here he was again, bringing it back to life.

“Mianhae…” he said as he rubbed his hands on each of my arms and shoulders.

He pulled me towards him to hug me again. If there was one thing he knew best, it was how a hug never failed to reassure me. I wrapped my arms around him and started sobbing again.

“Sierra,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I have no decision yet. My schedule is still crazy for the next few months. I’ll be touring still and I can hardly be there for you.”

He let go of me and scooted up the bed, then motioned for me to join him. I was too tired to question or talk anymore, so I moved up and went under the covers. He too went under the covers and pulled me closer so that I could rest on his chest, with his arms around me.

“I came to check in on you. I had to see for myself if you were well, and I think you’re doing a great job,” he said as he stroked my hair.

“So you’ll be gone again tomorrow?” I murmured. I was getting sleepy, and being in his arms like this always made me feel calm and relaxed, even in the situation we were in at the moment.

I think my mind just wanted to pretend I was safe and happy at the moment. I just wanted to imagine that everything was fine for 1 night and carry on as if things had always been.

“I’ll be flying off tomorrow afternoon, but I’ll be back in a few weeks,” he said. “I’ll see you then, okay?”

“Mm…” I replied, closing my eyes.

I wasn’t going to argue anymore. I know that tomorrow, I’d probably feel like crap for letting him go without cutting him into tiny little pieces, but I just wanted to be with him tonight. I missed him too much.

“Go to sleep,” he said, as he pulled the stray hairs from my face to tuck them behind my ear.

“Kajima…” I mumbled, telling him to stay for the night.

“I’ll stay tonight,” he reassured me as he leaned over to turn off the lights and he adjusted himself so that we were sleeping in our usual cuddling position.

I fell into a deep sleep and didn’t wake up until my alarm rang. I reached over to my bedside table to turn it off, and that’s when I realized he was gone. I felt like I had dreamt it all. How he was here, talking to me, holding me, and I woke up alone again. I reached for my bolster and hugged it tightly, trying to fill that empty hole that had suddenly started growing within me again. He probably had an earlier day than me today and having stayed the night at my place meant that he still had to rush home to get ready for his day since none of his stuff were at my place anymore. I’d sent them back to the apartment he shared with SS501’s Kim Hyun Joong on the day I moved to this new apartment.

I dragged myself out of bed after snoozing for another 5 to 10 minutes and started getting ready for my day. When I finally emerged from my room, I saw Skye and Shoei happily digging into a mini breakfast feast on the table.

“Nuna,” Skye said, his mouth full of rice. “Did you wake up to cook this?”

“Do you think I’m some kind of super human?” I asked him as I sat down in front of my bowl of rice.

“Then who did?” Skye asked.

“Who did you let into our house last night?” I asked him.

“Oh…” he said, realizing it was probably Jae Joong.

“Looks like he still really cares,” Shoei pointed out.

“Yea… he does. So what now?” I said and started eating too.

“Hmm…” was all Shoei could reply.

The day went on as scheduled. We were due at several radio shows start from 8am until lunch time. We managed to squeeze a meal before the lunch time show at the cafeteria of the radio station. As we walked in, the staff who knew us greeted us before continuing with their meals, those walking out gave us quick bows and greetings and we bowed and greeted in return.

“Sierra -shi!” a familiar voice called out to me.

I turned to it and my face broke into a huge smile. One of my greatest idols in the industry, Park Hyo Shin.

“Sonbae,” I waved back.

“See how he only calls out to her,” Skye whispered to Shoei. “It’s as if we were invisible.”

“Sonbae,” Shoei called out too, trying not to laugh at Skye’s comment.

We walked towards his table where he was already eating with several members of his staff.

“Pab mogosseo?” he asked us.

“Aniyo,” I smiled. “We just got here and we’re squeezing in a quick bite.”

“Sonbae,” Skye said. “Why did you only greet Sierra and not us?” he said, like a petulant child.

“Oh, keurae? I thought I greeted all of you,” Hyo Shin sonbae laughed. “Mianhae, Skye… Shoei,” he said as he made separate bows to them.

Shoei and Skye we close to being horrified by the show of respect and start bowing repeatedly at Hyo Shin sonbae. I couldn’t help but laugh at their antics.

“Anjayo,” Hyo Shin sonbae said, gesturing at the empty chairs at his table.

We sat down and it almost like magic, our team was back with food for us as well. While Skye and Shoei immediately dug in and took huge pieces of kimchi and slurped them up, I fished for the smaller pieces and mixed them in my rice together with kochujang to make my own bibimbap.

“Kimchi shireo?” Hyo Shin sonbae asked me.

“It took her almost 4 years to learn to like kimchi just a little bit,” Skye said.

“Chintcha?” Hyo Shin sonbae exclaimed.

“Mianhae,” I smiled through the mouthful of rice I just put in my mouth. “I’m not really in love with kimchi, but I do love bibimbap.”

“Her main staples are ramyeon and bibimbap,” Shoei said.

“And you’ve been living here for more than 5 years,” Hyo Shin sonbae said.

“Ne,” I replied. “I’m trying hard to adapt,” I added in my defense.

“But seriously,” he said. “Is it so hard to get used to the food here?”

“I’m alright with the food. I just don’t happen to love kimchi,” I laughed.

“Keurae…” he laughed. “Araso.”

Our conversations flowed easily throughout the meal. Thanks in no small part to Skye, who was always a catalyst, and also the fact that Hyo Shin sonbae was a very approachable person.

I don’t think I’ve explained how I got to know Hyo Shin sonbae. Sure… all singers and actors knew each other, but whether we just knew each others’ names or we’ve had the pleasure, or displeasure, of getting to know each other just a little bit made a difference.

I met Hyo Shin sonbae on a radio show when we both happened to be promoting our singles at the same time. We had a great time during our first up-close encounter on the show, and after that, we made it a point to say hello and have quick conversations whenever we bumped into each other. He has always been one of the artistes I respected and up till today I’m still hoping we would have a chance to collaborate or at least perform together.

“It’s time,” one of our assistants reminded us.

We quickly scoffed down the rest of our food and said our quick goodbyes before rushing off.

“I’ll give you a call next week,” Hyo Shin sonbae said to me.

“Ne,” I bowed and smiled at him before leaving the table.

“Why is he calling you?” Shoei asked. “Is he gonna ask you on a date?”

“Don’t be silly,” I said, ruffling his hair as I did and earning an annoyed face from him. Guys in this business are really too conscious about their hair, except the bald ones.

“You’ll never know…” Skye sang as we continued walking.

Honestly, I really don’t know why he would want to call me. Did we even exchange numbers before?

MKR II: Chapter 1

“S-Cube!” the emcee announced and confetti exploded all over the stage and everyone was cheering.

We looked around us, at Brown Eyed Girls and T-ara who had been on the stage with us. They were all clapping and we were simply too shocked to react. We had won 'Song of the Week' on Inkigayo.

“Chukahamnida!” the emcees congratulated us as they walked forward with flowers and the trophy.

Skye was the first to react and walked forward to intercept the trophy on behalf of our group. Shoei was next to move, and he walked forward to intercept the flowers and passed it on to me.

“Sierra-shi, how do you feel?” the emcee asked me.

“I’m speechless,” I replied, and a smile started spreading on my face.

“Fan-deul… kamsahamnida!” Skye finished up the sentence for me.

“Ne,” I replied. “Neomu kamsahamnida.”

“Without the support of our fans, S-Cube would not be able to make this come back such a success. Kamsahamnida!” Shoei said.

We are S-Cube. Sierra. Skye. Shoei. Together, we are the power of 3, which gave our band its name. We were once artistes under the label of SM Entertainment or simply known as SM. Tonight was our comeback with a new album label after our contracts had expired with SM. It was a long and painful journey since we’d left our big label to start up our own label and to be able to win today’s prize, but it was worth every blood, sweat and tear that was shed along the way.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Sierra. I’m 27 this year, and I hail from Malaysia. One would wonder how a Malaysian got to be in a Korean band. I would say that it was nothing short of a miracle that I was selected the first year SM decided to hold auditions in my country.

When I arrived in Seoul, I was immediately designated to a band that already consisted of 2 guys aged 3 years younger than I was. One South Korean, and one Japanese. You guessed it; Skye and Shoei. Both were fluent in English and in Korean, and Shoei of course spoke Japanese. Other than English, I brought a few more languages to the table; Malay and Chinese, and I had to learn my Korean from scratch in the 9 months before my debut.

Skye and Shoei’s contracts had expired about a year ago. They spent the year building our new label and waiting for my contract to expire so that I could join them. Rather than go through what Shinhwa did, all we asked for was our band’s name. We’d decided that we would never sing the songs we sang in the past 5 years. We would sing our own songs now. The songs we wanted to share with the world.

“That was awesome!” Skye exclaimed as we walked off the stage.

It’s been so many years and he never fails to get psyched up after a good show. He has never had stage fright either. Skye was a born performer. Shoei was a born performer too, but he exuded a different aura. While Skye bounced all over the stage and hypes up the crowd, Shoei mesmerized them with his soothing voice and powerful presence. Me? I still feel ordinary after being a part of the band all these years.

When they first left SM. The company didn’t know what to do with me. My solo album had done fairly well and left me in pretty good demand for collaboration projects. Because of that, I was thrown from one project group to another, collaborating with every single SM artiste that was available; from Super Junior to Shinee, and Girls’ Generation to f(x). Then there were a few other collaborations with artistes from other labels; TOP from Big Bang, Nassun and one of the highlights of my career, Outsider. I felt like a boomerang being thrown from every which way and still coming back to SM, until my contract expired, and I was allowed to pursue my own career with another label.

Technically, Skye owned the majority stocks in our new label, simply known as S. S for sound, serenade, whatever S-word to do with music you could think of. Shoei and I were foreigners, so by law, we couldn’t own that much stock. In fact, our label currently employs us both as performers and sponsors our work permits in South Korea.

“You should just get married,” Skye once joked. “Then you could apply for citizenship.”

“Why would I want to be a citizen of your country?” I scoffed.

“You’d have to be if you married a local,” he pointed out.

“I can always just apply to be a permanent resident. I have no need to be a citizen. Besides… my country doesn’t allow dual citizenship,” I said.

“Why would anyone pass up being a Korean?” he asked.

“Cos unlike the idolizers, I have some integrity?” I laughed.

“I pity your husband-to-be,” he said, and I rewarded him with a thump on his arm.

My husband-to-be… I had one, sometime ago. You’re probably thinking if I were a celebrity, naturally I would have dated one too. You’re right! In my craziest dream had I never imagined that I could have my cake and eat it too. Not only did I fulfill my dream of being a singer in South Korea, I was dating one of the most eligible bachelors in K-Pop. No prizes for guessing… Kim Jae Joong of the former TVXQ, and currently of JYJ.

The same year Skye and Shoei’s contracts ended, Jae Joong, Jun Su and Yoo Chun filed a lawsuit to have their contracts with SM terminated. But that’s their story, so let’s not get into that. The pressure of the lawsuits and the attention he was getting from the press during that time overwhelmed us, and we decided to take a temporary break. It’s been more than 6 months.

Jae Joong and I kept in contact via Twitter and emails. Since he started preparing for his English album and I was preparing for S-Cube’s new album, we hardly had time to keep in contact at all. His last few communications went something like this:

@sierraS3 I’m in Malaysia!!!

@sierraS3 I’m in Singapore!!! Chilli crabs!!!
@sierraS3 In NYC. Missed the last time we were here together.

S-Cube and TVXQ had performed at Madison Square Garden a few years back. It was S-Cube’s first sold-out concert, thanks to TVXQ. It was one of those performances that we’d never forget, and the time we spent there were equally unforgettable too. Those were the best days of our lives as singers with SM.

Today had been eventful. We’d won ‘Song of the Week’ on Inkigayo. Sure, our comeback had been anticipated. Pre-sales figures of our album was promising, but we didn’t think it would guarantee us a spot in the Top 3 so easily. We’d initially expected to have to promote our new album for a good 2 weeks before we saw a significant climb. But we made it!

“Good job guys,” I said as I hugged Skye and Shoei backstage.

“It’s great to be performing together again,” Shoei smiled. “I really missed this for the past year.”

“Me too,” I laughed. “I can’t believe the turn out today. Our fans have really proven their loyalty.”

“Thanks to me,” Skye joked, and we all laughed indulgently.

If you thought the night for us ended after the Inkigayo performance, it didn’t. We had to rush off to a radio show and then back to our offices to tie up some loose ends before wrapping up for the night. Times like this made me miss Shi Kyung hyung, our manager when we were with SM. When our contracts ended, he’d decided to end his employment with SM. He has since gotten married and started a small business with his new wife. Life as an artiste manager was super tough. For that, we fully understood why he had turned us down when we’d offered him a position at our new label.

We got home a little after 1am that day. Skye and Shoei had found us a new apartment before my contract ended. I had been living alone until my contract with SM ended, and I’ve only moved into this new place 4 months ago. I loved what they had done to the place, partly because I had a little input this time. We’d decided to go for a minimalist design. Monochrome colors for the living areas and simple furniture like a comfy black leather sofa, black chairs with leather upholstered seats, glass topped coffee and dining tables and some cool lamps and lights we picked up whenever we spotted any interesting ones.

It was a mad rush for me for the past 4 months, to record all the missing pieces. I gave Skye and Shoei feedback for the songs on this album even when I was still with SM, but I was unable to be part of the song writing process. Because of the situation we were in, this album was more or less Skye and Shoei’s style, and less of mine. They promised me at least 2 songs that were wholly written by me in our next album. I just hope I will do the next album justice.

I walked into my new room. It was still in the same minimalist design, but I couldn’t resist adding in my favorite color, blue. My bed frame was white, and it had extended edges beyond the mattress that were very useful when Skye or Shoei needed a place to perch while talking to me if they hadn’t showered yet. I absolutely hated it when they rolled around in my bed in clothes they had been wearing out the entire day. I invested in lots of dark blue sheets and white pillows to match. Even my blankets were dark blue.

“I can take a swim in your bed,” Shoei said when I first made it up, and he dived onto it. “I feel like I’m in the sea,” Shoei said as he started doing the backstroke.

The rest of my furniture was white and silver, the last touch of blue was on the walls. I had my room painted sky blue with swirly white patterns that somewhat looked like clouds. I also made sure that my ceiling matched, which prompted Shoei’s last statement. In the center of the room was a ceiling fan cum chandelier of lights with a mini lampshade attached onto each bulb. Coming home each day felt good these days. It felt like I was returning to my very own sanctuary.

To top it all off, the guys had very thoughtfully given me the master bedroom which had an attached bathroom since I was the only girl in the house. No prizes for guessing that I’d also done up the bathroom to fit my style. I couldn’t do much about the shower area, but we managed to bring in an antique bathtub and changed the sink and vanity area to match it a little.

I showered slowly, enjoying the hot water in a way we were never able to in the past. We’d recently invested in better heater, which meant more hot water for everyone at any time of the day. After showering, I went through my usual face and body care routine before putting on my pajamas.

After all that necessary routine, I walked into my room, ready to knock myself out for the night, and there he was, sitting on my bed.

REBOOT!!!

I’m aware that it may feel a little like cheating, but this will be the only way I can start writing MKR again. What’s gonna happen is that we’re gonna reset the story. TVXQ has already disbanded, and JYJ has been formed. Most of the fictional bands formed in the past MKR will probably not exist in this version of MKR and I will start incorporating all the current girl and boy bands and also celebs of the current times.

You may see that the timeline is pretty warped from where I left off, but let’s ignore that and just pretend it’s an extension and also an alternate version of the original MKR. As for where Sierra and Jae Joong’s relationship are at, you’ll have to read to find out ^_^

My schedule should only allow me update on weekends. At best, every weekend. Worse case should be every other weekend. Mianhae... T_T I've contemplated if I needed a new URL for the new MKR and decided to keep the old one since my readers would remember this link better.

Chapter 1 coming soon... really soon... watch this space!