Counting My Blessings

2013 has been a very long year for me. I went through so many changes - some things ended, and many new things began for me.

I realised how I had been causing myself to suffer so often because I trusted the wrong people, because I was just too gullible. I realised new potentials - I am actually capable and I have the ability to continue developing my skills and achieve new heights. I'm still learning how to deal with people in the workplace; bosses and colleagues alike. But most of all, I learned that I deserved to be loved.

Of course all this time, I believed I deserved someone who loved me as much as I loved him. But to hear it from a person, that I deserved to be treated with love and consideration... that was mind-blowing. I am so glad I met my boyfriend. For the first time, I feel confident that there is a path for us to walk down, towards another new beginning that awaits us when we're ready. In the past, I was never sure if I would ever get there... but in just a short 3 months, I am feeling a certainty that I have never encountered before.

I have been thinking so often today; how happy I've been and how my boyfriend really tries to feed my emotional bank. Instead being hounded by fears from my past, or bothered when things are not going my way, I should remember that I've found a man who wants to be next to me. I've found a man who enjoys holding my hand, or even wrapping his arm around my shoulders when we walk. I've found a man who kisses my forehead, my cheeks and every possible spot on my face with loud smacking noises; who hugs me tight in public and strokes me while I try to fall asleep, who checks on my well-being all the time, and nags me when I don't take care of myself. I've found a friend who would laugh with me, be silly with me, and doesn't mind going through tough times with me. I've found a man who wants to build a life with me, and supports my endeavours, dreams and aspirations in every way he can. I've found a man who wants to be a part of my life, and wants me to be a part of his too.

I need to remember all these things, because these are the things that matter most, and I should not let the evil in me cause me to forget the good things, and start picking on the stuff that aren't really significant to begin with.

Sometimes I think I am just so afraid of things ever deteriorating or plateauing, that I clutch at everything that's good and refuse to let the both of us breathe. But I know if I keep doing that, it's just going hurt us more than do us good. I really need to learn to breathe and relax, and just enjoy the moments we have. When we're not having any 'moments', that's when I should just do my reminiscing... or actually get some work done :P

So I just want to say... excuse my sappiness everyone...

I love you baby, and I am so glad that I have a long future ahead with you, because I can't imagine anyone else in your place now. MUAX!!!

CELTA: Journal 4 - Damage Report

So remember how I posted how I was doing oh-kay at the mid-point of my CELTA course? Well, apparently that was my peak. I'm hitting my downward spiral now, and trying to maneuver myself out of it without creating any damage.

1. I'm concerned about sneaking in my work during my day-job working hours.

Before that I was totally oblivious and did whatever I could to make sure I finished my work ahead, as long as I didn't interfere with my work in the office. In the past week, I was making a conscious effort to only work on my course stuff during lunch hour and after work. I'll admit it's better for my focus. But that meant that I need to practice more discipline when I need to finish my work at home.

2. I'm seriously lacking sleep.

The lack of sleep has finally taken a toll on me. So much that even on nights where I make it a point to switch off and sleep before 12am, I still feel so deprived. It's interfered with my short-term memory and focus. Sometimes it screws with my mood too, and my face >_< Not pretty sight indeed. I've decided to take every Friday off for the next 2 weeks so that I can complete my assignment and lesson plans on time.

3. Immune system is taking a hit!

My body has been having allergic reactions and a myriad of other conditions. The only reason it hasn't entirely shut down on me is because I make an effort to feed my body with lots of supplements and make sure I eat... and I've been eating a lot.

4. Gaining weight!!!

I feel like a blob. I know beneath my blubber is my body screaming to get back in shape and in good health. But the best I can do for it now is to make sure it has enough nourishment. I'm so sorry blubber... we'll need to hang in there for another 2 weeks before I send you away.

5. I do everything but work - sometimes.

When I get going... boy do I get going. But when I choose not to, like now :D I take forever to get to it. And I don't just get sidetracked by Facebook or my beautiful bed. I'd start mending stuff, doing arts and craft, reading; basically anything but my assignment, because I'm feeling stuck :( Oh well...

There's a lot more shit happening, but I guess I'm ready to get back to my assignment and hopefully finish it today. Have a great weekend people :P

CELTA: Journal 3

Yea... So I thought I could blog periodically about my course, but it turns out to be almost impossible since I'm rushing to complete lesson plans and assignments half the time. Even more so this week, because my wonderful trainer left it till Wednesday to give us the lesson he'd like us to teach this weekend. So I had 2 days to come up with the first draft. Ran it by him on Saturday, and then update it accordingly so that I could teach it on Sunday.

It's all gone pretty well up till now. I've been getting a "To Standard" for every one of my lesson. I wished that I'd worked harder with the 3rd or 4th one and had gotten an "Above Standard". Well, I'm Asian. I like to feel I'm way better than most people, most of the time :D Haha! I passed my resubmission for Assignment 2, and I still don't know what I'm getting for Assignment 1, but I'm happy things are going well.

I survived my first lesson with the grumpiest trainer today; let's call him Grumpy Cat. I was actually very apprehensive this morning, and I was pretty stressed the day before. I think I had sort of a nightmare. But I guess I showed that I could handle a lesson. One of the students told me that she liked my style a lot. She felt that I spoke clearly, and I put up the vocab and etc. clearly on the board and it has helped her. I'm so happy for the positive feedback. Although the students' feedback doesn't matter to the trainers or the assessor who will come from Cambridge, but having heard positive comments from the students since I started teaching has been wonderful. The student today even asked me if I had taught previously ^__________^ Yes... this calls for a really big smile.

I almost went crazy on Thursday though. I had been spending the entire day slogging at work, then rushing to do the lesson plan for the weekend after office hours. Then I got the email from Grumpy Cat accusing me for leaving work till last minute when I was preempting him that I might hand in my resubmission late. Turns out he totally forgot he'd already marked my first submission, and I was so angry that he was accusing me for being a last minute worker when I handed in my assignment 6 days before it was even due. Yea... you'd explode too if you were me. So I sent him a very polite rant... as polite as I could muster, and he replied saying that it sounds like I'm under a lot of pressure, and that I could have an extension. He realised his boo-boo yesterday, but never apologised. Oh well...

I forgot to take a photo of it, but I was at a stationery shop and chanced upon these self-inking stamps that reminded me of Grumpy Cat; it was an angry face! Haha! How apt! To be fair, I bought 2, one for the nice trainer, and another one for Grumpy Cat. Dunno if he's touched, but I think by now he's very accustomed to being viewed as the critical, heartless one. But he made a fair point today during our feedback session. He said that if we were prepared to take his advise, we would expect to get better and learn more. Well, I agree. So yea... gotta listen to him from now on. He's like the Simon Cowell of CELTA. Hahaha!

So I have another lesson to finish planning and an assignment to draft up by Wednesday. Meanwhile trying to make time to have a life and catch up on sleep. Plus I haven't been exercising for weeks. Definitely gained a lot of weight. My body is screaming for me to cut the carbs, but it's the only way I can comfort myself. Other than receiving hugs and cuddles and kisses. Haha! So... 3 more weeks. I think I'll survive, but only if I don't kill myself first.

I don't think I'll be able to blog about each lesson anymore, maybe at the end of the course when I have time :D Fingers crossed!