MKR II: Chapter 4

The lights on the stage dimmed and the opening notes of ‘Hamyeoneun Andwae’ started.

Hyun Joong:       tashi tora-ondago naege keojitmaramyeon andwae

                         tteonaji mallago naege mareul haejumyeon andwae

                          pabogat'jiman na kyesok neol kidarilmyeoneun andwae

                          chal karaneun keu mareun cheoldaero hamyeoneun andwae

                          chebal meollikajin ma chebal meollikajin ma 
                          naega chaljeul su itge

                          neomu meollikajin ma neomu meollikajin ma 
                          nega po-iji ana

                          chebal nal tteonaji mallago teonaji mallago

                          yaksokhaejwo naege chebal

Sierra:                 naegeseo meoreojimyeon andwae

                          tteonaya handago naege mareun hamyeoneun andwae

                          pabogat'jiman na idaero neol itneunge andwae

                          twidoraseon ne moseub cheodaero po-imyeon andwae

                          chebal meollikajin ma chebal meollikajin ma 
                          naega chaljeul su itge

                          neomu meollikajin ma neomu meollikajin ma 
                          nega po-iji ana

                          ireohke ponael su eobdago ponael su eobdago

                          torabwajwo naege… chebal

Hyun Joong:       ha~ oo hoo~

(Sierra:               hoo~)

Together:           chebal nal tteonaji mallago

                         tteonaji mallago… a ha~ ha~

Hyun Joong:      yaksokhaejwo

(Sierra:              yaksokhaejwo)

Together:          oh~ chebal

                        nananana nanana

                        oh hoo~

Hyun Joong had walked towards me after the 2^nd line of the first verse and took my hand. We did not let go ever since. Throughout the song, other than occasionally addressing the crowd, we played the role of lovers singing to one another. Longing looks, soft smiles, swinging our arms as we walked across the stage. As always, Hyun Joong was perfect in behaving like the cool and loving boyfriend.

As the song neared its end, Hyun Joong drew me closer until we were in each other’s arms, and he planted a soft, lingering kiss on my forehead. The squeals and screams that the action brought out was deafening.

The crowd was ecstatic when we ended. I spotted a few girls eyes glistening with tears, and it reminded me of how I felt when I heard this song myself. I was glad that Hyung Joong and I was able to accurately convey the feelings of longing that Ji Sun and Jung Min did when singing this song.

“Kamsahamnida,” we thanked the audience as we bowed, still hand in hand.

“That was so beautiful,” one of the staff gushed backstage. “I nearly cried.”

“They were pretty good, huh?” Ssamdi commented.

“Aniya,” I said shyly. “I only hope I did Ji Sun justice."

“You did,” Hyun Joong smiled.

Holding hands with Hyun Joong brought back some memories; memories of the things that I was missing in my life. I asked myself sometimes… did I miss Jae Joong, or did I simply miss having a person to depend on, to love, to share my day, to be intimate with or for comfort and attention. Could I simply replace him with someone else who was willing to be there for me? If only there was such a person.

Excluding those who had to run off of some other show since it was the end of the year, and the season where everyone was super busy promoting a new single, album or participating in a festive event or a radio or television program, the show ended with the entire cast singing a medley of Christmas carols.

Some of the guys ventured off the stage, onto the floor with the audience to get them to participate by singing along. At least 2 security guards had to accompany each of them to prevent the clamoring hands or a crazy fan from swallowing them whole.

We were all paired up on stage, either holding hands or having our arm slung across each others’ shoulder and somehow I ended up being paired up with Hyun Joong. Of course Skye butt in a few times as he preferred to be all over the place. Ssamdi seemed happy enough to be paired with Shoei.

To be honest, Hyun Joong reminded me a lot of Jae Joong. Sure, they were different people, but they just gave off the same vibe; quiet and stable, yet fun and crazy. Distant and sometimes cold… almost untouchable, and yet when they sang and spoke to you in earnest, their voices are filled with emotion that would touch your heart… once you‘ve learnt to read them. If I had met Hyun Joong before Jae Joong, it’s very possible I would’ve ended up with him. That is if he was even interested with me to begin with.

Hyun Joong was riding on a huge wave of popularity at the moment. Similar to Jae Joong, he was very much in the news these days. After his drama Playful Kiss, he’s started touring around Asia. He had recently returned from Singapore, and up till now S-Cube has not even started touring Southeast Asia yet.

“Pureowo…”I said to him a little later.

We were sitting outside the hall resting, each with a cup of coffee from the vending machine while waiting for the rest of them to get out of there so that we could go for a drink.

“Mwoga?” he said as he peered into the cup, studying the steam coming of his cup.

“The success you have now,” I said.

“How many times have I collapsed in the past year?” he laughed softly.

“Price to pay for the fame and money,” I replied, grinning at him.

“You think it’s worth the pain?” he asked.

“I don’t know…” I replied. “For those who feel they are living the dream, it is. For those who do it because they have nothing they can do better, it’s not.”

“Well said,” he smiled.

“So which one are you?” I asked.

“Hmm…” he said as he sipped his coffee, the sound echoed from his cup.

“Come on…” I said in English, and he made a face at me.

Hyun Joong wasn’t a bit fan of the use of English, mainly because he felt he wasn’t good at it. But I’ve always thought that his accent was fine.

“Which one do you think I am?” he turned the question back to me.

“Hmm…” I thought for a minute. “I think you’re a little of both.”

“Hahaha!” he laughed his boyish laugh. “Is that your attempt at a diplomatic answer?”

“I’m not sure…” I said, and gave him my best ditzy face.

“No wonder you drove him nuts,” he said, after making that ‘chih’ sound of air exhaled sharply between his teeth, like an old lady.

I didn’t know what I could say in reply of that statement. Maybe I did drive him nuts too often, and that made the hard times harder to bear. Maybe I pushed everything to the edge, not knowing when to stop, and this is what has become of us. In all that craziness, I do still believe he loved me, but maybe not as much as I would have wanted him to. I wish that I could tell him he did his best now, and how much he has done for me, rather than how much he has not done for me.

“Ya…” Hyun Joong called to me, waving his hand in front of my face. “Mianhae…” he said. “I didn’t mean to put it that way.”

I need to stop allowing my thoughts to read on my face like it was a notice board. There was a reason why I was never allowed solo interviews; they all knew I couldn’t handle it when forced to spill.

“Kwaench’ana,” I smiled. “All in the past.”

“No it’s not,” he said as he came to sit next to me. "Not the way I see it."

Hyun Joong put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. If you were wondering, we weren’t really stiff strangers. I’ve met him and gone out with him and Jae Joong often enough to be able to feel comfortable with him doing something like that.

“Do you know…” he said, “Jae Joong was always telling me how much you meant to him; how you were his rock. He would not have lasted those few years back without you by his side.”

“Really?” I said softly.

It’s a bit tough to hear good things about yourself, especially when you feel that the person who said it didn’t feel that way anymore. How did he expect me to believe that I was that important to a man who left me?

“Chintcha…” he said, his hand coming to the back of my head to stroke my hair. “In the years I’ve known Jae Joong, since his debut as a singer, he had never been calmer and happier till he met you. Sure you two have been through a lot together. All the fights, the arguments, the tears, but you were still the one whose hand he wanted to hold, whose voice he wanted to hear before he fell asleep.”

A single tear had rolled down my cheek, and I wiped it away as casually as I could. If I were all those things to him, why wasn’t he beside me, telling me these words right now?

“Ya… uljima…” he said. “They’re gonna be out any minute and they’re gonna beat me up for making you cry.”

“Why can’t he say all this to me in person?” I asked Hyun Joong.

“Because he’s a man…” he smiled. “And I’m being incredibly nosy. I shouldn’t have told you all that.”

“It’s much kinder to be cruel in these situations,” I smiled and he smiled back.

“I’m glad you’re finding a way to move on,” he said. “I don’t know what are the chances for the two of you to start over, but as your friend and colleague, I’d much rather see you focus on work now.”

“Araso,” I replied.

“Chal sara,” he said.

“Araso!” I laughed at his insistence.

The rest of them finally filed out of the hall and we went off for our supper and drinks. In the middle of the ‘festivities’, which meant Skye was on a chair singing and yelling again, my phone rang. The caller ID flashed Hyo Shin sonbae’s name. I was nervous for a moment. He said he’d call, but I wasn’t sure for what. I took a deep breath and answered.

“Yoboseyo?”

“Sierra?” he said my name.

I loved how he said my name. His deep husky voice sounded like he was practically singing it.

“Ne, sonbae,” I said.

“Is this a good time to talk?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said. “Chamkanmanyo. I’ll step out for awhile.”