Mistakes

I think the hardest thing for a person to deal with is to admit their mistakes. Not small stuff like being late, a typo or even offending someone; because these are quite obvious mistakes. I’m referring to making wrong choices, and feeling like you have to trudge on forward and live with them because you are either too ashamed to admit you made a mistake, or you feel too guilty to the parties involved that you feel the only way is to continue and make the best of things.

For the longest time, this is what I did with most of my decisions that turned out to be mistakes. I always wanted to prove to others, and myself, that I wasn’t wrong and things would work out fine. But after a few really big ones, I’m beginning to learn that when you make a mistake, you cut your losses and move on. Some people may accuse me of being hasty or ruthless, but when you’ve suffered long enough by trying to live with a mistake, you will know that you are much better off moving on.

I’m not running away from my problems. I’m just removing myself from a situation where I know isn’t going to turn out well, instead of allowing myself to continue to be mired by a situation which will eventually consume me.

In reference to my recent situation; there were good moments, and there were moments that I was unsure, and then there were moments that screamed “Bad!”. I guess I was very overwhelmed and confused, but eventually it was the fact that I didn’t feel comfortable that prompted me to want out. I know that I cannot be blameless for what happened. So I’m going to graciously admit that I had definitely rushed into things this time, and I know it was wrong. I’m sorry things had to turn out like this, but I do believe that it’s for the best.

The fact that I had even started to feel some old bouts of depression wafting back into my life, I refuse to allow more of it to come back and take root. Hence, I am going to move ahead of it, and stop it. I definitely am not ecstatic now. In fact I am sad that things have turned out this way. But for me, there is no other way. This is not the first time, and it should be the last; I am doing this because I want to love myself more.