At some point in time, all romantic relationships wind
down a little, and it signifies what people call the end of the ‘honeymoon
period’. The undying urge to see each other, be with each other and talk for
hours has diminished. And both parties are supposed to take comfort in knowing
that while all things are reduced, it does not signify a deterioration of the
relationship.
But sometimes, we have an issue of onlookers and some
people with ‘well-intentions’ offering you feedback. Feedback like, “Oh, the
first 6 months are supposed to be the sweetest.” Or even, “You boyfriend should
do this for you still. It’s too soon to wanna stop.” While they were indeed
sincerely giving well-meant opinions based on their experiences, we gotta
remember the key word will always be “their experiences”. When these words stir
up insecurities within you, you have got to remember that, it’s all about their
experiences, and nothing to do with what you are experiencing.
Each relationship has a different speed of development,
whether it is due to the characters of the couple, or circumstances. Hence,
never judge this relationship in relation to other relationships. Sit down and
think about the way your relationship had developed, and remind yourself of all the milestones you have achieved together so far. But in any case, the best thing you can
do is to discuss it.
Sometimes, this happens when either party has become
burnt out, and needs to reduce efforts. Sometimes it happens because either
party has gotten comfortable enough to not require so much contact to feel
involved in the relationship. Whatever the reason is, it will be good to discuss
the situation and assure the more active party that the relationship is not
deteriorating. While contact may have been reduced, it doesn’t mean they are
not being thought of or cared about. Try to come to a middle ground or even discuss how the
active party can be helped to be transitioned into a ‘slow-down’ state. Once
this effort is made, the situation will have a chance of calming down and the
relationship can proceed in peace.
To assume, is one of human’s most common mistakes. When you assume the
other person understands, or even they know you still care for or love them, it’s
creating opportunity for misunderstanding to occur. I'd like to call it, 'assumption begets assumption'. If you assume they know you care, they may assume you don't really care. So some things do need to be said.
For the sake of clarity and making sure all bases are covered, you need to be
vocal about it so that the other party will have no chance to feel insecure by
a sudden or even gradual change in your attitude.
While each person is ultimately responsible for handling
their own insecurities, we should still do our best to help the person we love
or care for to feel better so that they can be encouraged to overcome it. This
is by no means coddling the person. Encouragement is the best thing you can
give anyone feeling negative. They are seeds to help a person start growing
positive thoughts.
Open, honest and willing communication can solve a lot of
problems. So if we take the time to air our feelings in an honest and caring
manner, we would eventually come to understand each other better, and allow the
relationship to grow :)