Chapter 37: Tell Me

Yun Ho wound down his window and peered at me.

“Ya… Sierra… get in.”

I hesitated for a second, “Where’s Jae Joong?” I asked him.

“He had something on early this morning, so he sent me to pick you up. Ppalli! Get in, or you’re gonna make me late as well.”

I opened the door and got in after tossing my bag in the back of the car. I’ve not been in Yun Ho’s car since we’d broken up. It felt oddly familiar to be sitting beside him once again. He drove out to the main road as I was putting on my seatbelt.

“When was the last time you sat beside me in this car?” he smiled.

“Hmm… before you went to Japan the first time round,” I said.

“It’s been a long time…” he sighed.

“Yun Ho-ya…” I started.

“Don’t speak,” he cut me off. “Let’s just enjoy each other’s company in silence.”

I nodded silently and then turned to look out of the window. Yun Ho reached forward and switched on his CD player. W-inds’ ‘Four Seasons’ started to play. He hummed to the song as we drove to the studios.

“Isn’t that my CD?” I asked him.

“Oh… kurae… I never got around to returning your stuff to you,” he said.

“It’s alright, you can keep them. I’ve ripped them out onto my laptop anyway.”

“Komawo…” he smiled.

“So how have you been?”

“Busy… as usual. I heard you were very busy too.”

“I’m recording a Christmas single with FTTS.”

“I bet it’s going to be a beautiful song.”

“I’m getting there,” I laughed. “I’m far from having a beautiful voice. I still think I’m nothing much compared to Hwan Hee’s and Brian’s voices.”

“I have faith in you. You’re improving each time I see you perform. You’ll get there soon.”

I felt a little sad at that moment. Here was someone who believed in me and circumstances had forced us apart. Sometimes I’d wondered if things hadn’t happened the way they did, would Yun Ho and I have stayed together. Or were we destined to have only that short moment in time together throughout our lives? Did I still mean anything to him? He still meant a lot to me. He was my first love here in Korea, the first love who played a huge role in the starting point of my new life. Could I ever forget? Or would the memories haunt me for the rest of my life.

“I heard that we have rehearsals together next week,” I said.

“Right! You’d better be prepared for what we have planned. I’m a perfectionist and I won’t let you off if you made a mistake.”

“Am I even singing with you guys?”

“Just one song, which they have not decided yet. But the duet for you and Jae Joong has already been planned and approved. I bet you’re excited.”

“Hmm… I’ve never performed live with him, apart from during the tour, and that doesn’t really count since there were so many of us singing one song.”

“So you’re nervous?” he smiled.

“It’s Madison Square Garden!” I exclaimed. “How can I not be nervous? Don’t tell me you’re not nervous.”

“Me?” he smiled. “Ya… Na U-Know YunHo… I’m not even allowed to be nervous anymore,” he laughed and I believed him. After so many years of being a gasoo, I don’t think the word nervous is in his vocabulary anymore. I’ve seen them before a concert, they’re still excited to perform for their fans, but they’re no longer that afraid of screwing up their performances.

We arrived at the studios and Yun Ho parked his car at a spot reserved for him.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said as I picked up my bag and closed the door.

“Anytime,” he said softly.

I stood there and looked at him for a moment. He’s matured since the last time I really looked at him. Was it because of all the things that had happened? Or was it because he’d finally started to look like a man to me?

“I’ll see you later,” he smiled and gave me a little salute. I smiled and turned to walk away.

“Sierra kongju!” Brian exclaimed as I walked through the door. “How are you feeling today?”

“I’m fine. Ready to go as always.”

“Great… we need to finish up today since you’re gonna be busy next week,” Hwan Hee said.

“Right… such a busy girl. All that fame is getting burdensome isn’t it?” Brian teased.

“I’m not that busy. It’s just how the schedule gets arranged by the manager. I have no say in it. I just follow orders,” I defended myself.

“Well, in any case, you’ll probably be able to have some say in another few years. So don’t worry,” Hwan Hee smiled.

Today we were going to record the other song for the single, ‘Soul for Sale’.

Brian: On the day you left, you tore me apart
The moment you departed, my heart had hardened
Now I’m just an empty shell, no feelings no desires
My soul long lost, the day I met you, I sold it to the devil

Sierra: The day I walked out on you, I never want to turn back
The shred of feeling I’d actually had left eventually disappeared
The way you torched my feelings with your hurtful words
It’s like pouring kerosene on my body and setting it on fire

All: Soul for sale, come and get it
It wasn’t mine anymore the moment I met you
Now that you’ve thrown it back at me
This meaningless part of me is redundant
I’ll give it all up just to see you once again.

Hwan Hee: Don’t know when it happened but you’ve made me dependent
I need to know where you are; I need to see you smile
Caring about you is now deeply ingrained inside me
I regret the moment I fell so deep, I have no way of recovering

Sierra: You talk about it like it had only been your effort
I had feelings too and you didn’t acknowledge them
You always acted like you were the only victim
What you didn’t know was that it was I who got hurt

All: Soul for sale, come and get it
It wasn’t mine anymore the moment I met you
Now that you’ve thrown it back at me
This meaningless part of me is redundant
I’ll give it all up just to see you once again.

Hwan Hee: Lost and lonely… devastated, I’m crying
Where did you go?
Brian: I’m going mad, I feel like dying
Can I empty my being of these feelings?

All: Soul for sale, come and get it
It wasn’t mine anymore the moment I met you
Now that you’ve thrown it back at me
This meaningless part of me is redundant
I’ll give it all up just to redeem myself again.

At about 1pm, Yun Ho popped into our studio.

“Hyung!” he called out to Brian and Hwan Hee.

“Ya… What brings you here?” Brian asked.

“To baby-sit Sierra for Jae Joong,” he said.

“Baby-sit?” Hwan Hee said incredulously. “Isn’t she a bit too old for that?”

“Jae Joong’s a little busy today, so he asked me to make sure Sierra had her lunch,” Yun Ho explained.

“I don’t need you to make sure I’ve eaten or not. It’s enough that these two bug me to my wit’s end.”

“That hurts, Sierra,” Brian pouted. “Is this how you talk about your two oppa who have been taking such good care of you?”

“Take care?” I retorted playfully. “Yes, you take such good care of me,” I said sarcastically.

“Can the two of you take it outside?” Hwan Hee laughed. “Yun Ho, I think you and I can go for lunch alone and leave the two of them to fight it out.”

“Good idea!” Yun Ho exclaimed and they started to walk out of the room.

“Wait for me!” I laughed as I joined them.

We went to a nearby Pizza Hut for lunch. During our lunch, we were interrupted a few times by people who wanted our autographs. Most of the time they wanted Yun Ho’s, Brian’s or Hwan Hee’s. I was only asked for mine when they realized that I was sitting there. Only on one occasion a fan came up and asked for my autograph first, and it was a guy.

“Nuna,” he said as he held out a notepad. “Can I have your autograph?” The guys were sniggering when they heard the fan call me ‘nuna’.

“Sure,” I smiled sweetly. “What’s your name?”

“Chuk Kim,” he replied and I scribbled his name and signed after it. “I love your MVs, nuna. You look great in every one of them.”

“Kamsahamnida!” I smiled. “Here you go,” I said as I passed the notebook back to him.

“Kamsahamnida, nuna,” he said and bowed before he turned and left.

“Ahaha!! Nuna!!” Brian laughed as soon as the guy left.

“You’re not younger than me, if you recall,” I retorted.

“Better to be oppa than to be nuna!!” Brian said.

“Since when did the two of them become like this?” Yun Ho asked Hwan Hee.

“I don’t know. They just decided they liked to squabble and that’s all I’ve heard from them ever since.”

“He started it,” I said petulantly as I stuffed a piece of the pizza I’d just cut into my mouth.

“How do you put up with this each day?” Yun Ho asked Hwan Hee.

“I’ve put up with Brian for years now… having Sierra as well is just all in a day’s work. I feel like a chaperone,” Hwan Hee smiled.

“Yah! Hwan Hee, after all these years together… and you see me as a child?” Brian sulked.

“Can’t blame him when you’re born like that,” I said and Brian stuck his tongue out at me.

It was about 8pm when we finally finished recording for the day. We sat around and discussed the next schedule. Because of my rehearsals for the concert in New York, I couldn’t join them for full day recording sessions next week.

“So you’ll be coming in for a few hours in the evenings?” the producer asked.

“Yes, I’ll get Shi Kyung hyung to make the arrangements. But we usually have dance rehearsals in the mornings. That means that I should be free in the evenings unless they decide to increase the rehearsal hours.”

“In that case, I’ll just talk to Shi Kyung. He’ll inform you regarding any changes in your schedule when we’ve finalized everything.”

“Right… I’d better get going. It’s a little late,” I said as I picked up my bag.

Brian and Hwan Hee walked to the elevator with me and we descended together. After waving goodbye to the both of them in the lobby, I took out my phone and dialed Jae Joong’s number as I walked slowly towards the entrance.

“Sierra,” he said, as soon as he picked up the phone.

“Are you coming to pick me?” I asked.

“I can’t. Mianh… I’ve asked Yun Ho to wait for you, he should be outside waiting,” he continued. I looked out and sure enough, I saw his Mini parked outside waiting for me.

“Fine…” I sighed. Why did he have to send Yun Ho, of all people.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said. “Pogoshipo…”

“Me too,” I said and planted a loud kiss on my mobile phone, “Saranghae…”

“Saranghae,” he replied and I hung up.

As I walked out of the building, I saw that Yun Ho was in a deep conversation with this girl. It took me sometime before I realized it was Hae Rin.