Friday, 25 January 2013

Of Disappointment & Heartaches

I'm writing this on behalf of myself and some stuff my friends are going through... and I'm thinking... we all need to read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

So many of us, in so many occasions, have probably done something for someone we like, love, cherish, respect and care for... only to feel that they don't seem to feel the same about us. In return, we become depressed or upset, and we react in possibly the stupidest ways people can imagine. What does it bring us? Only humiliation, disappointment and heartache because we acted on that impulsive moment of dissatisfaction.

I can't count how many times I have done this in my entire life, with so many relationships... be they with my boyfriend, my friends or my family. When they don't react in the way I expect them to towards something I have done, I start to get depressed. I'd wonder why the person doesn't understand my intentions. I'd wonder why the person wouldn't react the way I wanted him/her to. I'd wonder why he/she is being mean to me. These feelings of depression sometimes escalate into resentment, and if I'm lucky... full-blown anger.

The worst thing a person can do is to try all means to get the expected reaction from the other party. This is where the humiliation I mentioned earlier starts to surface. You don't realise it, but you demean and humiliate yourself as you attempt again and again to get the attention and required reaction from the other party. And when you fail again after your N-th try, you may start thinking, "Oh my god... I've made such a fool of myself. The other person probably thinks I'm a psycho, nutcase, needy bitch, retard, etc." (insert any other description of a fool you prefer). Then you may start doing stuff that's supposed to 'redeem' you for your earlier bout of insanity. And the cycle continues until you regain your sanity and realise it's time to just S-T-O-P! Stop before you reach the point of no return... stop before you destroy everything you have. The silliest thing is that maybe, and you'll be damn lucky if this is true... the other person was not affected at all. They didn't even know what has happened nor do they know about the torment you've put yourself through because of them.

I just told a friend earlier "No point being disappointed in people who don't understand your true feelings and thoughts. Let them be..."

This is not to ask the person to write the other person off, but to understand that different people have different ways of expressing themselves to you. If the world actually understood that everyone has their way of expressing love, care and concern, I believe everyone would be much happier. I've been seeing a lot of writings of this topic as of late, so I'm also putting in my 2 cents worth on this issue.

It's a tough process... to understand that while your partner may not be into cuddling, it doesn't mean your partner doesn't want to be near you... to understand while a person you like always gives you full attention, it doesn't necessarily the person likes you the same way yet... to understand that while a person only checks in on you with short messages throughout the day to see if you're well, it doesn't mean the person doesn't care as much as a person who has long conversations with you all day long... to understand that while a person has sooo much to say to you, it doesn't mean that they want your attention 24/7 because they're needy. If all of us took the time to see the good things these people do for us, we may be able to downplay the things that don't seem to go right for us.

And for those 'unaffected people', it may be good to reflect on how you treat others and understand the impact you have on them. Maybe you need to try not to be too nice if you don't mean for the other person to mistake your niceness for liking? Maybe you need to be a bit more sensitive to the other person's feelings so that you don't say something callous when they need some comforting words from you? Maybe you need to speak less and speak of things that really matter so that your words will carry more weight, or so that the other person will pay more attention to what you want to convey?

I'm beginning to learn how to accept the good that people do for me, and discount and move on for the times they don't really react the way I want them to. Eventually, it's not about winning anymore, and if there is always tomorrow, there is always hope to try another day. Hehe! But... if you've managed to upgrade your mindset, you won't really care anymore if the person doesn't react exactly the way you want them to. Instead, you're just happy if they reacted at all. LOL! Some people may say this is being 'easily contented', but I will just call this 'counting your blessings', and not letting your dissatisfaction take you for a spin. You may realise much later that it was so petty, it wasn't worth the disappointment and heartache to begin with.

Good night people :)

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

What is financial freedom?

I've been hearing this phrase a lot whilst working in the finance industry, and it has got me questioning... what does it really mean?

I know the experts or the people hawking you the ideas of financial planning, direct sales or some MLM thingie mean it to be "never having to worry about how you're gonna earn your next dollar"... or they call it, "having residual income". It's certainly a grand idea, but I'm beginning to see it differently.

The whole idea that's being sold in the marketplace now is how to gain more and more and more and more. Yes... society demands it, the economy demands it... the government demands it :P But should be demand this of ourselves? If there's anything I learned after 7.5 years of chasing the $-sign, it's that it may cause us to lose sight of life when all we chase is the green.

So what does financial freedom mean to me now?

1. Having enough to live in reasonable comfort each day... like having a good space to live in, being able to eat wholesome food and to be able to afford the basic things to take care of myself.

2. Being as debt free as possible.... having enough cash in my bank to pay off the monthly credit card bills. It's inevitable that we will need to take up loans and etc as life eventually requires us to make such purchases to build a family or simply own some assets to our name. As long as you are able to pay them off at a steady rate without having to live in poverty, you're fine. And this also means that you should never make a purchase that is way beyond your means or rack up credit card bills you can never pay off.

3. Not having to worry if I can afford any medical bills... short of sounding like an insurance agent, I do believe in having good medical insurance, and working for a company that at least covers your visits to the GP. Everyone should have a good hospitalisation plan. And for those in SG, please upgrade your Medishield plans. You will understand how important it is when something happens.

4. Being able to enjoy life once in awhile... a good meal with loved ones, a nice trip with my other half, being able to buy that dress, shoe or bag I've been eyeing for awhile. Being able to indulge or spend a bit more than usual would be nice. But otherwise, there are so many ways to enjoy life with your loved ones. Sometimes the simplest activities like a walk in the park or watching a DVD together is meaningful enough.

5. Being able to contribute to my parents' living expenses... I guess this is a basic. I'm not quite there yet, but I hope to be there someday.

I know all the above sounds like a contradiction. If I'm earning a miserable salary, how will I be able to afford any of the above in the long run, other than #1? I guess what I'm trying to say is not that we should not have ambitions to upgrade and achieve more in life, but to focus less on just getting more, with no end in sight. I previously put so much emphasis on earning money that I forgot that job satisfaction was important. I kept believing that as long as I was paid an amount I was 'happy' with at the time, it would make up for any lack of love or interest in the job. I thought that as long as I could afford to go on shopping sprees, go on holidays, buy a new gadget and eat expensive stuff all the time, I would be happy. As time has proven, I was wrong. No amount of money could make up for the eventual loss of interest in the job... and in any case, it wasn't as if I was earning an obscene amount of money. LOL!

I'm trying to change my life bit by bit now. First thing is to seek a job that I can see myself doing for the next 2-3 years. True... I've never stayed at any job past 2 years. So I'm setting myself a goal... find a job I enjoy, and I have to stay at least 3 years if possible. Other goals include... doing more reading to enrich myself, writing more as part of self-reflection, eating healthy, exercising constantly, evolving my mental well-being to the next level. Yea... all these sound like very lofty and spiritual sort of goals... but I guess that's where I'm heading.

I just had a job interview today. For the first time, I don't really care what they might offer me. I just want to get the job and see how well I can do it. But of course, not at the price shortchanging myself. As long as the salary commensurates with the job scope, I'm good :) I'm slowly starting to believe that there is nothing I cannot do... it's all about willingness to move forward and take a whack at it :D I just want to learn different things and add to my life experiences.

So now... what does financial freedom mean to me? I think the most simple answer after all the mumbo-jumbo I've written is... to be able to live in contentment and without greed. Feel free to disagree ^_^

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Trying to make that new beginning...

I've been pondering how I was gonna start writing again, and here I am, still a little clueless, but I guess what I can do, at the very least, is share life experiences that may be able to help people in their lives? LOL! If all else fails, I guarantee you at least a good read for the next 5-15 mins; depending on your reading speed.

So... I am no journalist. I have never majored in Journalism, English Lit, English, etc. Though at some point of my life I did regret that I never pursued any of the 3. I could've been awesome, could I? So pardon me if I use way to many ellipses, tildes and emoticons. I'm an untrained writer simply writing from my emotional states. You may find that I ramble and repeat myself way too much, but to be honest, I have gone from writing to please the masses to writing to please myself. I just love regurgitating all the thoughts in my brain onto this box on my Wordpress screen as it makes me feel like I've lost 500g of weight, or maybe burnt some calories whilst furiously exercising my brain and fingers. But of  course, I will spare you a thought and try to make my posts as easy to follow as possible.

This is quickly becoming a post about me and writing. But I guess it's a good start. Just so you know, I don't plan out what I wanna write. I had entertained the idea of blogging about my shitty morning the other day, where my soon-to-be-ex-boss called me and yelled "Don't fucking waste my time" at me over the phone. How professional of him! I should report him to the MAS, right? But I'm way too nice, and people tell me I'm way too soft on people all the time. But that's just me... so you may back me into a corner all you want, and if I don't bite back, someone will eventually bite you for me.

I've been asking myself, "What kind of a writer am I?", and I still really don't have a clue. I do like to go on and on about emotional stuff. LOL! But I do think I'm capable of writing something angry or witty too. Oh well... I guess since this is a reintroduction to myself, let's just keep it short and sweet. For those who enjoyed my writing in any form, be it just bitching about life or writing corny fan-fiction, I welcome you with open arms. Let's look forward to some real writing from me real soon :D