Monday, 29 July 2013


I think the hardest thing for a person to deal with is to admit their mistakes. Not small stuff like being late, a typo or even offending someone; because these are quite obvious mistakes. I’m referring to making wrong choices, and feeling like you have to trudge on forward and live with them because you are either too ashamed to admit you made a mistake, or you feel too guilty to the parties involved that you feel the only way is to continue and make the best of things.

For the longest time, this is what I did with most of my decisions that turned out to be mistakes. I always wanted to prove to others, and myself, that I wasn’t wrong and things would work out fine. But after a few really big ones, I’m beginning to learn that when you make a mistake, you cut your losses and move on. Some people may accuse me of being hasty or ruthless, but when you’ve suffered long enough by trying to live with a mistake, you will know that you are much better off moving on.

I’m not running away from my problems. I’m just removing myself from a situation where I know isn’t going to turn out well, instead of allowing myself to continue to be mired by a situation which will eventually consume me.

In reference to my recent situation; there were good moments, and there were moments that I was unsure, and then there were moments that screamed “Bad!”. I guess I was very overwhelmed and confused, but eventually it was the fact that I didn’t feel comfortable that prompted me to want out. I know that I cannot be blameless for what happened. So I’m going to graciously admit that I had definitely rushed into things this time, and I know it was wrong. I’m sorry things had to turn out like this, but I do believe that it’s for the best.

The fact that I had even started to feel some old bouts of depression wafting back into my life, I refuse to allow more of it to come back and take root. Hence, I am going to move ahead of it, and stop it. I definitely am not ecstatic now. In fact I am sad that things have turned out this way. But for me, there is no other way. This is not the first time, and it should be the last; I am doing this because I want to love myself more.

Friday, 19 July 2013

White Tigers In Captivity Are A Product of Inbreeding

I read this article few weeks back: White Tigers: Conserving A Lie.
Reading it inspired me to write a short feature on my workplace blog. Decided to post it here so that I can share the story with more people :)

It's a little late to know the truth, but nevertheless, it is an important truth we all need to know and hopefully do something about.

White tigers are not a specific breed of tigers, but a product of a genetic anomaly called 'leucism', which prevents the pigment from coloring the skin and the fur. This causes a tiger to lose its natural camouflage abilities, which is why white tiger cubs rarely survive till adulthood in the wild. On top of that, the white tigers are also plagued with a host of health problems which includes scoliosis of the spine, cleft palates, and more often than not, their optical nerves are wired to the wrong side of the brain, causing them to be crosseyed or in some cases, their eyes would even be bulging out of their heads. Many are also either stillborn or do not survive infancy.

I obtained the chronology of the white Bengal tiger from Big Cat Rescue’s site.

A white tiger was displayed at Exeter Change.

White tiger cub captured by Maharajah Gulab Singh of Rewa. Upon its death it was gifted to King George V as a sign of India’s loyalty to the crown.

25th May 1951:
A forest laborer reported sighting a white tiger cub.

26th May 1951:
The cub’s mother and two of its three siblings were shot and killed.

27th May 1951:
Maharaja Martand Singh captured Mohan.

30th May 1951:
The cub escapes and a large party goes out to recapture it.

26th February 1952:
A normal colored tigress named Begum is captured.

10th April 1955:
Begum produced a litter of a male and two female cubs. All were orange, as were all the cubs in her subsequent two litters.

December 1957:
Mohan was mated with Radha, his four-year-old daughter from the second litter with Begum.

20th October 1958:
Radha produced an all-white litter of a male and three female cubs. They were christened Raja, Rani, Sukeshi and Mohini. Subsequently:The male and one female (Raja and Rani) were gifted to the National Zoological Gardens in New Delhi.Mohini was transported to Washington D.C.Sukeshi was kept for mating with Mohan and remained with him until he was withdrawn from breeding. She was then housed with her son in hopes they would breed but he showed no interest in mating with her and after six years without success she too was transferred to the National Zoological Gardens in New Delhi where she died on the 2nd February 1975.

May 1964:
Raja and Rani were mated. Rani gave birth to two white cubs, a male and a female. She mauled both and the female died. The male, ‘Tippu’ lost his tail and was hand-raised with great difficulty.

August 1965:
Two white cubs born to Rani. Both die due to neglect.

19th December 1965:
Three white cubs are born to Rani. They were left in her care for just over a month, at which point she lost interest and they were hand-raised. The female dies at the age of 17-months and one male dies on the 17th April 1967 during shipping to the United States.Breeding of Rani continued and she produced a total of 20 white cubs.

19th December 1969:
Mohan died aged 19 years 7 months. All captive white tigers descend from Mohan, which explains why they are so genetically inbred.

As you can see, Mohan is the ancestor and origin of all white tigers in captivity. Many zoos keep, breed and display white tigers for the sake of drawing crowds. Some even market it as a conservation effort, which is far from the truth because the species only exists due to a genetic anomaly. White tigers can never be released into the wild because they will not be able to survive without their camouflage abilities. And what about those cubs that were born the 'wrong colour' i.e. orange with black stripes; they are usually discarded and suffer from the same genetic defects too.

Being curious, because I did remember seeing white tigers at the Singapore Zoo long ago, I checked out their website. The white tiger exhibit is featured on their website. While they did mention Mohan, there is no further mention on the issue of inbreeding of white tigers, and I am not sure how the standpoint from which the zoo is exhibiting these tigers. Perhaps it’s time I visited the zoo again, or has someone been there recently and can provide feedback? 

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Moving Forward

Hello, hello~

I know I have not been writing for some time; a long, long time. It’s not that I have been feeling uninspired, but each time I have an idea, it only lasts for a few paragraphs. I am rarely able to follow through. What’s going on? In fact, I don’t even know how to continue writing this. Haha!

If you know me personally, or have been reading, you would’ve noticed that I ended a relationship awhile back. I never really wrote about the exact situation. Sometimes I feel like I am actually embarrassed about my past, and unable to relive any painful memories because they may have the ability to depress me all over again. Each time I go through a bad relationship, I have been tempted to write about it, to recount the entire process, but I always chickened out. They just seemed too personal and painful to recount in detail.

Today… I just have this urge to mention my past a little, and write about something new that has happened to me. This is as honest as I can get… so bear with me, eh? :D

I never knew what I was searching for. Of course I have expectations, but I realized that they were all superficial and only dealt with the surface level of a human being. People have always asked me what would my ideal man be like, and I have so far only been able to provide characteristics such as tall, athletic, stable, manly… I found a person like that awhile back. When I first met him, he had given me the impression that he was looking for commitment. In a way, he mentioned that he was looking for commitment. I took that as an indication that I could commit fully too, and even when there were signs that he didn’t seem all that ready to commit, I brushed them aside and continued investing myself into the relationship.

When I meet someone, my original ideals tend to become secondary. Sure I still know what I want, but I guess I magnify the little good, and try to ignore anything bad about this person. Why? Because I want so much for things to work out; who doesn’t? Time after time, I do this, and it wasn’t till the last relationship ended that I realized what I had been doing to myself.

There is nothing wrong in wanting to find ‘the one’, but sacrificing your identity and sanity in order to preserve something that probably did not exist is just plain stupidity. That’s what I did for at least 4 months out of the entire 6 months. I took everything that came my way; instructions, expectations, criticisms, and once in awhile, even insults. No, I was not abused, but in a way, I was not treated in the way I needed to be treated. I now marveled how I managed to stick with someone who couldn’t even tell me that he loved me.

While those 3 words could be overrated and misused, they mean a lot to me when a person takes time to say them. Everyone can agree that talk is cheap. But in any case, words will always be appreciated, and words will always provide comfort when you are feeling fearful, unsure and insecure. I had been unsure and insecure for 6 months, and I decided enough was enough. I am glad I had the courage to let go, and I thank the person who helped find my trigger point.

After it all ended, I just felt that the world had become a place where everyone was selfish, egotistical and no one actually honored their promises and commitments anymore. I spent a few months trying to ‘come to terms’ with the ‘state of the world’. But in this time, I realized that I had something really valuable in my life; friends. My friends were all there for me when I needed to talk and needed companionship. I don't have that many close friends, but I am glad those I have kept close to my side and close to my heart, they have always been wonderful to me. I hope that when they need me someday, I can be there for them too...

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

I can count on me

People tend to be able to relate when someone rich and famous says, “It’s lonely at the top.” Yet, when someone who seems sociable claims that they don’t have many friends, no one really believes them. The fact is that most people will be a friend to you… when it’s fun, when it suits them most; but what happens when things aren’t that pleasant. Are they going to stick around for you?

I guess the even more disappointing truth is that all the time you spend, trying to build a ‘support network’ may end up a big flop, because some of these people never intended to be a part of it to begin with. For that reason, I am starting to believe that you can never go wrong when you stick with a few good friends as opposed to having a friend for this activity, a group for that activity, and the list goes one. Have a few good friends you can really have conversations with, and if you need to pursue and activity you really like, do it alone… with strangers.

The whole point here is to never start counting on people to always do something with you. At some point, we are bound to be disappointed. Even I can’t count on me, and if I don’t become a permanent fixture to anyone, I won’t have to disappoint them eventually