2013 has been a very long year for me. I went through so many changes - some things ended, and many new things began for me.
I realised how I had been causing myself to suffer so often because I trusted the wrong people, because I was just too gullible. I realised new potentials - I am actually capable and I have the ability to continue developing my skills and achieve new heights. I'm still learning how to deal with people in the workplace; bosses and colleagues alike. But most of all, I learned that I deserved to be loved.
Of course all this time, I believed I deserved someone who loved me as much as I loved him. But to hear it from a person, that I deserved to be treated with love and consideration... that was mind-blowing. I am so glad I met my boyfriend. For the first time, I feel confident that there is a path for us to walk down, towards another new beginning that awaits us when we're ready. In the past, I was never sure if I would ever get there... but in just a short 3 months, I am feeling a certainty that I have never encountered before.
I have been thinking so often today; how happy I've been and how my boyfriend really tries to feed my emotional bank. Instead being hounded by fears from my past, or bothered when things are not going my way, I should remember that I've found a man who wants to be next to me. I've found a man who enjoys holding my hand, or even wrapping his arm around my shoulders when we walk. I've found a man who kisses my forehead, my cheeks and every possible spot on my face with loud smacking noises; who hugs me tight in public and strokes me while I try to fall asleep, who checks on my well-being all the time, and nags me when I don't take care of myself. I've found a friend who would laugh with me, be silly with me, and doesn't mind going through tough times with me. I've found a man who wants to build a life with me, and supports my endeavours, dreams and aspirations in every way he can. I've found a man who wants to be a part of my life, and wants me to be a part of his too.
I need to remember all these things, because these are the things that matter most, and I should not let the evil in me cause me to forget the good things, and start picking on the stuff that aren't really significant to begin with.
Sometimes I think I am just so afraid of things ever deteriorating or plateauing, that I clutch at everything that's good and refuse to let the both of us breathe. But I know if I keep doing that, it's just going hurt us more than do us good. I really need to learn to breathe and relax, and just enjoy the moments we have. When we're not having any 'moments', that's when I should just do my reminiscing... or actually get some work done :P
So I just want to say... excuse my sappiness everyone...
I love you baby, and I am so glad that I have a long future ahead with you, because I can't imagine anyone else in your place now. MUAX!!!
