Wednesday, 2 April 2008

Chapter 132 - 한 (Grudge)


At first, I didn’t pay attention to it, since I’ve often missed my period when I was stressed out; usually when we’re about to put out a new album. When I realized I’d missed it for more than a month, I started panicking. I didn’t know if I should tell Jae Joong, and I couldn’t just run to a convenience store to buy a pregnancy test since I would be instantly recognized and the whole thing would be splashed across the tabloids. I could ask my assistant to get it for me, but I didn’t feel comfortable with letting anyone know.

The 5th week rolled along, and I decided that I had to get it off my chest.

“What?” Shoei yelled when I told him.

“Shh…” I hissed at him. “Skye’s gonna hear you.”

“What do you plan to do?” he asked me.

“I don’t know,” I said as I covered my face with my hands.

“Have you told Jae Joong hyung?”

“You think he’d take it well?”

“He’s been waiting for an excuse to drag you to the altar, you think he wouldn’t?” Shoei laughed.

“It’s not funny. Stop laughing! You know this is the worst time to get married.”

“Why do you say so? You’re 26. By Korean standards, you should’ve been married already.”

“Jae Joong is only 24. Do you honestly think it’s the best time for him?”

“I’ve never seen anyone more serious about love and marriage than Jae Joong hyung. You need to cut him some slack. He’s not the kid that you’ve always seen him as, and you know that.”

“I don’t doubt his maturity. I’m concerned about his career and mine. Do you see anyone from Shinhwa getting married at this age?”

“No,” he said.

“So you see what I mean?”

“It doesn’t have to apply to everyone,” Shoei said. “I believe that it wouldn’t hurt his career as much. This marriage will outlast your careers. Isn’t that the whole point?”

“It’s too soon,” I said quietly.

“Then what do you plan to do?” he asked me. “Get an abortion?”

“I wouldn’t,” I said.

“Then you think that having this baby alone would be best for the both of you. You think that the entire South Korea would believe that the baby came from nowhere? They will surely know that it’s Jae Joong hyung’s, or worst, they’d think that you had an affair with someone else, which was why you didn’t name Jae Joong hyung as the father. This would be suicide for your career and your life, since the antis have been waiting for something like this to get you.”

“Ah… molla, molla, molla,” I groaned as I tugged my hair in frustration.

“Tell him,” Shoei pressed on. “Two heads would be better than one.”

I couldn’t sleep that night. Shoei was right, and it wasn’t that I wouldn’t want Jae Joong to take responsibility for this child. Something just didn’t feel right about this whole issue, and it just made me want to hold back.

“You’re quiet tonight,” Jae Joong said, when he called me earlier.

“Am I?” I said absently.

“You usually have lots to tell me about your day,” he said.

“I do?” I replied.

“And you’re giving me all these short replies tonight,” he laughed softly. “Are you that tired?”

“Ani…” I said. “Just thinking about work.”

“Did something happen on the shoot?”

“Aniyo… I’m just a little stressed out about tomorrow, since I have some big scenes and lots of lines to remember. You know my Korean isn’t perfect, and I often screw up the big words.”

“You’ll be fine. You have an innate ability with languages. That’s why you can speak so many,” he reassured me.

“But not all of them, perfectly,” I pointed out.

“Hey… I’m Korean and even I say the wrong stuff sometimes. Just relax, and it will come naturally. Ara?”

“Hmm…” I sighed.

“I can’t run over and hug you now… so please stop sighing on the phone,” he said softly. “You know I would if I could.”

“Would you?” I said, and giggled.

“I’m gonna ignore that,” he said in a mock serious tone, then the two of us laughed.

“I’m gonna go to bed now,” I said. “Let’s hope I can say the lines perfectly, even in my sleep.”

“Araso…” he said. “Good night. Sweet dreams.”

“Mmm… good night.”

“Saranghae…” he said.

“Saranghae,” I replied, and we hung up.

I gave up trying to sleep, and hooked up my MP3 player to the portable speakers by my bedside. Whenever I needed to feel calm or inspired, I’d listen to Tim. Something about his voice and music always manages to calm and soothe me to sleep. I even like the lone track of English gospel song he puts on each of his CD. Slowly, but surely, Tim’s music worked its magic on me. My eyes started to feel heavy, and I fell asleep halfway through his 4th album.

“Nuna!!!” Skye yelled as he banged on my door the next morning. “Wake up!!!”

“Huh…” I groaned.

“Wake up,” he yelled as he barged through the door and leapt onto my bed.

“Shiro…” I groaned.

“You’re gonna be late,” he said as he kept kicking my butt through the covers.

“What time is it?” I grumbled as I fumbled for my mobile phone on my night stand.

It was almost 9am.

“Andwae…” I wailed as I stretched in my bed.

“Yes…” Skye laughed as he jumped off my bed.

“I’m going to be very late,” I grumbled as I dragged myself off my bed.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you…” he sang as he sashayed out of my room.

Despite taking a very cold shower before I left the house, I could hardly keep my eyes open during hair and makeup.

“You can’t go on set with eyes like that,” the stylist said. “They’re so red and puffy. What did you do yesterday night?”

“I was too stressed about today that I couldn’t sleep,” I said.

“Here,” she said as she passed me a pair of spectacles. “Put these on.”

“Does it go with my image?” I asked her.

“Yea… it’s fine. At least it hides some of the redness.”

“Komapda,” I smiled and put it on.

I didn’t have vision problems, so I’ve never really worn glasses. Not even for cosmetic purposes. I felt pretty uncomfortable from the weight of the glasses pressing on my nose by the time I was due in front of the camera.

“Ready?” the director asked me.

“Ne,” I replied.

“You look hot with glasses,” Darren said cheekily.

“Thank you,” I replied, graciously.

We were about to do a confrontation scene today. During the last episode, Darren’s character, Ho Young, meets my character, Maya, for the first time, as his superior. Episode ended with Ho Young and his team being introduced to Maya, their new Head of Department, by their General Manager.

{Girls on Top: Episode 2, Scene 1}

Ho Young knocks on Maya’s door and walks in without waiting for her invitation.

“Excuse me?” she exclaimed; she was sitting at her desk, leafing through some documents when he barged in and slammed the door shut.

“You’re excused,” he said as he sat down.

“What do you want, Ho Young-shi,” she said

“So you knew about this? From the day I’ve talked about my job to you back in Singapore?”

“Is that important?” she asked him.

“Damn right, it is,” he said. “You knew you were going to be my boss and you didn’t tell me.”

“What good would it do if I told you? Were you going to quit?”

“No… at least I would’ve been expecting to see you on my first day back at work, instead of gawking like a fool.”

“I don’t even know why we are having this conversation. You’re in my office, railing at me, just because of a tiny detail I’d neglected to tell you when we last met,” she said, in an exasperated tone.

“Well…” he started, but she cut him off.

“We’re not even dating,” she said. “Whatever happened in Singapore ended in Singapore; you need to get this straight.”

“Oh… so you’re that kind of girl. Off with the last guy, on with the next one?”

“I never said that,” she retorted. “Don’t you dare put words in my mouth.”

“Then what were you trying to say.”

“You were the one who said, ‘Thank you for the nice time… maybe we’ll meet again someday.’, and you fully intended to forget me.”

“That was because I didn’t know I would have the pleasure again,” he smirked.

“Don’t be sleazy… it doesn’t suit you,” she said as she sat down on her chair with a loud thump.

“So that’s how you want it? To pretend like today is the first day we’ve met?” he asked her.

“Right… this is the way it should be. I don’t do office romances.”

“It didn’t start out an office romance,” he pointed out.

“Same thing. We’re working together now, so let’s just be civilized adults and professionals. Let’s just focus on working together as a team.”

“As you wish,” he said as he got up. “You’re the boss,” he added, and he left the room.

She stares at his back as he walks out. The moment the door closes shout, she screams in frustration.


“Cut,” the director yelled. “Good take!”

We ran through the scene on the little screen in front of the director’s chair, and went back to record another few times before we moved onto the next scene.

During our break, I found a quite spot behind the set and sat there with my lunchbox to eat while I surf the internet on my laptop.

“Are you watching porn?” Darren said as he came to sit next to me.

“Nope,” I said. “Would you like to?”

“I’d do anything with you… as long as you let me,” he joked.

“Pyeont’ae…” I said as I turned back to the screen.

“So what are you doing?” he asked me.

“It’s kinda private,” I said, without thinking.

“Are you writing an email to your J-J?

“Don’t call him J-J,” I said. “Only I’m allowed to call him that.”

“You actually call him J-J?” he said as he guffawed.

“Oh yea… laugh like a fool.”

“I just can’t believe you’d be so corny.”

“I hate to burst your bubble, but love is corny, little boy.”

“Now you’re being downright condescending.”

“No I’m not… leave me alone,” I said, and I turned my attention back to my laptop.

“Guess what?” Darren said after a full minute of silence.


“They’ve finally found a rival for me,” he said.

“For this drama?”

“Yep…” he said. “And they had to pick someone who was neck to neck with me.”

“What makes you think you’re neck to neck?” I teased.

“Ahem… I’m Darren from Helix,” he started.

“Yea… yada… yada… yada…” I said, without looking at him. “If they’re gonna get you a rival, he’s got to be better than you, since that’s always the case. The guys who comes 2nd is usually richer and nicer.”

“Oh sure… rain on my party will ya,” he grumbled.

“Just stating the obvious fact,” I said.

“You could be a little kinder to me.”

“Do I need to?”



“It’s nice when you’re kind.”

“Pfft…” I scoffed and there was another moment of silence. “You still haven’t told me who he is,” I said, looking away from my laptop momentarily.

“Why don’t you guess?” he said.

“If you’re not gonna tell me, then don’t. I hate guessing games,” I said.

“You’re not even a little curious?” he asked me.

“Everything will be announced in due time. So I don’t see the need to get overly excited. This guy isn’t even due until the 5th episode. We’re still only doing promos of the drama on TV.”

“Don’t remind me… I still can’t believe your band’s new song was made the theme song for the promo.”

“I have nothing to say about this. If you want a Helix song featured in the drama, please speak to the producers,” I said as I shut down my laptop.

Lunch time was over, and I really didn’t want to get into this discussion with Darren any longer. It was so pointless and tiring. I have no idea why he liked to bring it up.

“Ya!” he called out to me as I walked away.

“Mwo?” I replied.

“Our new co-star will be here today to visit the set,” he said.

“Goodie,” I replied sarcastically.

“It’s Kim Jae Wook,” he added, and I stopped in my tracks.

“Kim Jae Wook?” I said as I turned around to face him.

“Told you you’d be excited,” he laughed gleefully.

“Hmmph…” was all I could muster as I turned around and walked away.

I need to get to hair and makeup before Kim Jae Wook shows up.


Abby said...

Wow! I thought you'd be updating every other Wednesday? Not that I'm complaining since I love every update that you post. It's a good thing that I decided to check your site! Lol.

Oh no, you still didn't tell Jaejoong. But it's understandable...that's a nerve-wracking situation you're in! But I do hope things'll get better soon. And I hope Jaejoong's going to give out a more than positive response.*wink wink*

Keep it up, Sierra-san!:D

Jenny said...

Hi Sierra,

Another great chapter. Anyway, I don't know if you got my thank-you email b/c I received it back since it did not go through properly. So, I will just post what I wrote to you:

Thank you for your kind comments that you posted on your blog about my fanfiction post, as well as on my own blog. i was surprised & happy that you in turn gave me recognition because i have one writing professor that is not always satisfied with my writing. so i was feeling overwhelmed, along with other other writing assignments that i have to do, which i am sure you can understand. when i read your entry on me, it made smile. it is my first time being recognized outside of new jersey & outside of the u.s.a. as a writer.

i strongly feel you have good writing skills & that you needed to be recognized. i have a fine arts background, so i understand when you mention in your story about music video/artistic concepts. i corrected some of the changes you listed in your comments section. my entry should be alright now. i was wondering is your name, sierra, your real name or a pen name?

if i ever created a magazine or on-line magazine in the future, i would definitely ask you to join me. i hope to be a travel writer & i have a fascination with Asia, so maybe i will visit malaysia on assignment & we will meet in the near future & we are about the same age, too.

continue to write more great chapters & future stories, you never know what could happen- you might become a famous writer.

thank you again, all the best,
jenny -

lizzy said...


this chapter is SURPRISING!


lanyh said...

omg!! You updated!!
... I've been wondering why i haven't received any pms that u updated in the last 3 months so i decided to look for myself...
But I guess you are too busy to do a pm.
Gonna watch for updates msyself.^^

omo...Sierra is pregnant? o.O
She should tell Jaejoong immediately!! But maybe he'll use the opportunity to marry her? xD

i just don't like Darren and Yuk Hee... =.=

erm.. who's Kim Jae Wook? an actor?

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