Chapter 134: 왜 내가 (Why Me?)

Yun Ho’s flying back from Japan today. We’re both appearing on a talk show to promote ‘Ice Box’. Because ‘Ice Box’ did so well as a MV, they decided that they will make it into a movie soon. Whether or not Yun Ho and I will star in it, it hasn’t been decided yet, but since our song inspired the idea and will be featured as the theme song, we were asked to give the upcoming idea some publicity.

He appeared at our doorstep just after we’d finished our dinner.

“Hyung! Waseo!” Skye said as he opened the door.

“Hello…” Yun Ho grinned at us.

“You missed us, didn’t you?” Skye teased him.

“I miss Seoul,” he replied.

Yun Ho had come to spend 2 nights with us before he flew back because he didn’t want to go back to his empty apartment. He could’ve gone to Hee Chul’s place, but since he and I had the same schedule, we decided that he should just bunk with Skye for the next 2 nights.

“Yo…” he said as he walked past and ruffled my hair.

“Ya…” I grumbled.

“Where do I dump these bags?” he asked no one in particular.

“In my room,” Skye said and did the task for him.

“Can I borrow your laptop, Sierra?” he asked me.

“Sure,” I said. “You need help?”

“No,” he said. “Just unlock it for me.”

We both went to my room and I turned on my laptop for him. When the login screen popped up, I typed in my password then lay back on my bed and watched as he waited for the screen to load.

“So… have you been busy?” he asked me.

“Not too bad,” I said as I yawned.

“Jae Joong asked me send his love,” he said as he continued clicking away.

“That’s all?” I asked.

“Well, he wanted me to give you a kiss for him, but I don’t think you’d want that,” he laughed.

“If I’m desperate enough, I’ll take you on,” I smiled, my eyes closed and my arm lay across my face to shield the light.

“Give me a hint before you pounce,” he said.

I fell asleep soon after, and when I woke up, Yun Ho was lying beside me, on the covers, fully dressed. I propped myself up on one elbow and gazed at him as he slept; his chest rising and falling slowly as he breathed. I’ve never stopped wondering what if it had been him, if we’d never broken up. Now, I wonder what if the baby inside now belonged to him instead of Jae Joong. Should I tell Jae Joong?

Suddenly, his eyes popped open, and for a moment, we stared at each other.

“Mwoya?” he asked me, still able to sense my worries after all these years.

“Nothing…” I sighed and lay back down, looking up at the wall.

“You know it’s gonna make you feel worse if you keep it bottled up inside,” he said.

“It’s not something you should know,” I said.

“Try me,” he said.

I knew he was tempting me to open up. He knew I would open up to him easily, but this time, I wasn’t going to. Too much is at stake.

“Don’t mess with my head,” I said. “You just enjoy picking me apart, don’t you?”

“What?” he said innocently.

“I’ll tell you when the time comes,” I said. “Until then… don’t bug me.”

“Araso… araso…” he said as he threw a leg over me and pretended to sleep.

“Yah!!!” I squealed and tried to push him off, but he wouldn’t budge.

“Nuna,” Skye yelled from the corridor, and Yun Ho quickly pulled his leg off me.

“Ye…” I said as I got up to open the door.

“Do you want some ice cream? I’m going out to get some,” he said.

“Sure,” I replied. “Want some ice cream?” I asked Yun Ho.

“Okay,” he replied.

“Make that 2,” I told Skye.

“Araso,” he said and walked off whilst singing MC Mong’s ‘Ice Cream’.

“Shouldn’t you shower?” I said as I turned to Yun Ho and gestured to the open door.

“I guess,” he said as he stretched lazily and rolled off my bed.

I closed the door as soon as he walked out, and picked up the phone to call Jae Joong.

“I received your kiss,” I said as soon as he answered.

“Wha-what?” he exclaimed.

“Didn’t you ask Yun Ho to give me a kiss from you?” I continued in a serious tone.

“I… I did… but…”

“It was great,” I said, then I burst into giggles, unable to control myself any longer.

“Yah!” he yelled. “You think this is funny?”

“Yah!” I yelled back, trying to suppress my giggles, “Didn’t you say that to Yun Ho?”

“I did… but obviously it was a joke!”

“And here I was hoping for some love…” I laughed.

“Not funny,” he grumbled.

“Araso… araso…” I said. “It was a joke. I don’t intend to get that kiss from him. We’ll just have to wait for you to get back.”

“You’d better be sure of that,” he said.

“Yes…”

“So what have you been doing today?” he asked me.

“Nothing out of the ordinary; filming, recording, dancing…”

“You sound different,” he said.

“Do I?”

“Did something go wrong on the shoot?”

“Nope,” I said.

“You sound like you’re hiding something,” he said.

“What would I be hiding?” I asked him.

“I dunno. Have you been eating on time? Are you having gastric pains again?”

“Not that I know of,” I said.

In actual fact, my appetite had grown twofold. I seemed to be looking for a snack constantly and I’ve been in the gym more often than usual because I knew that all that snacking was going to my hips. But it seemed to have become a chain reaction. I exercise because I overeat, and somehow all that exercise would make me hungry again, and I’d be eating soon after my workout. I wonder how long I can keep this up before my weight starts ballooning.

“What about your heels, your knees? Have you been warming up properly before rehearsals?”

“Yes, I have. Have you?”

“I’ve always done everything by the book,” he said. “You, on the other hand, have always been overly eager to start, and you tend to forget your warm-up exercises.”

“I’m not a kid anymore. I know what I need to do. You think I’d wanna rip my knee off?”

“Okay… okay… don’t get worked up.”

We stayed silent for awhile, then I decided I had to tell him.

“I’m late, Jae Joong,” I told him.

“For what? You still have a shoot at this hour?”

“Aniyo… my period is late,” I said.

“Oh… that,” he said, and there was that silence again. “How long?”

“2 months,” I said.

“Are you certain it’s not the stress?” he asked.

“This is the latest it has ever been.”

“Have you seen a doctor?”

“No… I don’t want the whole world to know.”

“The company doctor would be discreet,” he said.

“To the public; yes. To the management; no.”

“Keuraeso…” he sighed. “You still need to see a doctor. You can’t wait till the bulge is showing.”

“I’m just so afraid,” I said. “How are we going to have this baby? You need to work, I need to work. We can’t afford to have this baby now.”

“What choice do we have?” he asked me. “We didn’t choose for this to happen, but it has. Don’t tell me that you’ve considered aborting the baby?”

“Of course not!” I exclaimed.

“Neither would I,” he said. “In fact, I’m so happy now!” he said, and he actually laughed.

“You’re crazy. Why would you be happy?”

“I’m gonna be a father,” he said. “I’ve always wanted to be a father. And now I’ve got you good,” he laughed.

“Michoso…” I said. “This is the worse time possible for you to be a father.”

“I know we’re going to face a lot of problems because of this baby, but if it’s in the fates, we’ll just have to take it and run with it.”

“Jae Joong,” I said, and I was now crying. “I don’t want our futures ruined. This baby means that I’ll have to take a long break, and when this gets out, our popularities will be affected.”

“Sierra…” he coaxed. “Uljima. It’s not as bad as it seems.”

“It isn’t?” I sniffed. “Just you wait. It’s going to be the end of me.”

“You’re having a child. You’re not dying.”

“They’re probably going to fire me and ship me back to Malaysia. Then I won’t be able to sing anymore, and I won’t be able to see you anymore.”

“No they’re not,” he said. “You’re having a child. Not publicly worshipping the devil.”

“The only reason we’re marketable is because we’re young and have no attachments. We’re even considered innocent, the way they market us. I don’t want my career to end because of a stupid mistake you and I made.”

“Is your career all you think about?” he asked me.

“It’s all I have now,” I said.

“What about me?” he said.

“You’re a part of my life too. But I thought we had the same goals.”

“I thought so too, but now I think we don’t.”

“What are you saying?”

“I want a career, a family… you only want one of the two.”

“I never said I didn’t want a family.”

“It’s all I keep asking of you. Let’s get married, let’s make a family together, but all you have on your mind is singing, dancing, acting.”

“These are my plans for now. They will change later in my life.”

“Later? 5 years later? 10 years later?”

“Why are we having this conversation now?” I asked him. “We need to figure out what to do about this baby.”

“What else? Just go see the doctor,” he said.

“But I’m afraid,” I said, and started to sob again.

“Sierra…” he said, this time in a gentle tone. “I wish I could fly back and accompany you to the doctor, but I can’t. You need to see a doctor to be sure.”

“Shiro…” I cried.

“Sierra…”

“I need you, Jae Joong. I need you.”

“But I can’t be there. Shall I get Yun Ho to accompany you?” he asked.

“I don’t think we should burden him with the knowledge.”

“He’s my brother. He can handle it,” he said. “Why don’t you get him to answer the phone now?”

“Now?” I asked, as I sniffed and wiped the tears with the back of my palm.

“Get Yun Ho,” he said.

I stood up and opened the door; Yun Ho was just walking out of the bathroom.

“Yun Ho,” I called out, and he turned around. “Nawa…” I said as I beckoned for him to come into my room.

“Waegeurae?” he said, concerned, when he saw my teary eyes.

“Jae Joong wants to speak to you,” I said, and I handed him my phone.

It only took a few seconds, and Yun Ho just nodded at whatever Jae Joong told him.

“Ara…” Yun Ho said. “I know what to do,” he added. “I’ll update you tomnorrow,” he said, and he handed the phone back to me.

“Sierra?” Jae Joong said. “Yun Ho’s going to take you to the doctor tomorrow. Just relax, and wait for the report, araso?”

“Araso,” I sniffed.

“I love you,” he said, in English. “Whatever happens, I’m with you. Don’t forget that.”

“I won’t,” I said.

“How did this happen?” Yun Ho asked me, as soon as we’d hung up.

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be in this state now,” I said.

“No wonder you’ve been acting weird today. This was that secret you wouldn’t tell me earlier?” he asked me, and I nodded. “Pabo…” he said, and he pulled me to him for a hug, prompting me to cry again.

“I’m so afraid…” I cried.

“Shh… it’s going to be fine,” he said. “We’ll take care of you. Everything will be fine.”