Wednesday, 4 June 2008

Chapter 137: 닮아가기 (Becoming Similar)

{Girls On Top: Episode 7, Scene 5}

“So… who was that earlier?” Si Won asked Maya.

“Just a guy,” she said as she fiddled with the straw in her cup of drink.

“Just a guy?” he laughed affectionately. “Are you always going to be like this in front of me?”

“Like what?” she asked.

“A lousy liar,” he smiled, and he put an arm around her and pulled her towards him.

Maya didn’t resist, and she lay her head on his shoulder.

“I just met him,” she sighed.


“In Singapore,” she said.

“Oh, right… that vacation where I was supposed to meet you.”

“Duh… if you had, I wouldn’t have met him.”

“Mianhae… my fault,” he murmured into her hair. “So what gives?”

“I don’t know. What do you want me to do? Tell him you’re back and he should go?”

“Why don’t you do that?” he said.

Maya looked up at Si Won and realized he wasn’t smiling. He looked dead serious.

“You can’t ask me to do that,” she gasped. “Si Won…”

“Maya… I…” he sighed.

“What, Si Won?”

“Nothing…” he sighed.

“Tell me,” she urged him. “You know I hate being kept on a line.”

“You know…” Si Won said as he reached out to touch Maya’s hair, “Being away for so long has made me realize something.”


“How much I need you by my side, Maya,” he said.

“Si Won… I can’t…”

“Just… don’t give me your answer now,” he said.

“But… Ho Young,” she said.

“I don’t know Ho Young… I don’t care about Ho Young… I only have Maya on my mind.”

“Si Won,” she called out his name, the confusion obvious in her voice. “You said we weren’t compatible.”

“I was an idiot… You’re my only match,” he said, and he pulled her close to kiss her.

(Music plays: Hae Rin - This Last Night)

Have you heard, have you seen
The way my heart’s been ripped right out of me
Do you know, what I’d do
When I’ve fallen from grace in front of you

How you’ve been,
Have you been waiting up for me
Or have you learned that this heart
This heart’s been torn to pieces, by you

This heart beats for you
This soul lives for you
Won’t you hold me, and keep me alive
Just this one last time

My blood runs for you
Our memories will never fade
So for old times’ sake
Hold me
Just for this last night

{End of scene}

[Shoei’s POV]

Skye and I heard nuna scream, and we immediately rushed to the bathroom.

“Don’t tell me it’s that darned roach again,” Skye said.

“Nuna… are you okay?” I said as I knocked on the bathroom door.

“I’m fine,” came her muffled voice.

“Are you sure?” Skye asked. “Your voice sounds weird.”

“Yea,” she said. “I’ll be out soon.”

Skye and I went back to watching the television. 15 minutes later, nuna rushed out of the bathroom, into her room and slammed the door shut.

“Is it just me, or is she being extremely weird today?” Skye asked me.

“I’ll go talk to her,” I said, and I got up and walked to her room.

I knocked softly on her door, and she opened it almost immediately.

“Are you alright?” I asked her.

“I need to tell you something,” she said.

She looked confused. It was as if she didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. I was worried.

“What happened in the bathroom?” I asked her.

“Sit down,” she said, and she closed the door.

“What’s going on?” I asked her.

“I’m not pregnant,” she announced.

“You’re not?” I blinked.


“How do you know? Did the clinic call?”


“Then how?”

“My period…” she said.

“It came?”

“Yea… apparently it decided to come… better late than never,” she said, and made a face.

“So how are you going to tell Jae Joong hyung?”

“I dunno. I just cannot imagine how he’d feel.”

“Well… my guess would be ‘very disappointed’ since I have a feeling that he had begun to make wedding plans,” I said.

“Stop that,” she said.

“What?” I said innocently.

“It’s not funny,” she said, her eyes downcast.

“I know you dread telling him, but you need to tell him. The sooner the better… now would be good.”

“Now?” she exclaimed. “I’ve barely come to terms with the fact myself. How do you think I would be able to tell him?”

“Well… the truth would be enough. He can’t blame you for this. It’s not like you miscarried the child,” I reasoned.

“It’s just… he was so hopeful,” she said.

“But you weren’t. You were hoping there wasn’t a child.”

“I know…” she sighed.

“Just get it over with,” I said, as I picked up her phone and handed it to her.

She stared at the phone in my hand for the longest time. I could see the clockwork spinning in her head. She was thinking how she would tell him, how she could soften the blow, running all the different scenarios of what he might say.

“Don’t over think,” I said softly. “You’re only going to get yourself sick.”

Everyone believed that Sierra was a strong, upbeat and carefree girl, but the truth was that Sierra always had so much going on in her mind. The times she’d collapsed or gotten sick were all due to stress, due to worrying. She looked indestructible, but many a time, she had been at the brink of falling apart into little pieces; trying to do everything and think of everything at once. Maybe she was greedy, just like the rest of us. We try to grab as much as we could, to make 101% use of our youth and fame before it waned, and in that process, we sacrificed the very things we were so afraid of losing.

“Just give me a minute,” she said; her voice hoarse. “I’ll call him.”

“You’re sure?” I said.

“I will,” she said as she looked up at me; her expression earnest.

“Araso,” I said softly as I placed the phone on the bed, in front of her. “I’ll be outside if you need me.”

“Thanks,” she smiled weakly. “And you’d better tell Skye before he accuses us of leaving him out again.”

“Sure… What are brothers for?” I said, and I left the room.

[Sierra’s POV]

Think… think… think… I was going crazy. I really didn’t know how I would tell Jae Joong. Do I just blurt it out? How would he take it? Would he accuse me for toying with his feelings? Then again, he should know I wasn’t since I didn’t want a child anyway. Why would I use the possibility of a pregnancy to put pressure on him?

My hand reached out to clasp my phone. I traced the smooth surface with my thumb, and came upon a bump on it. I looked down to see the tiny photo sticker of Jae Joong and me.

“Ottoke?” I said to photo as my finger touched his face. “Would you misunderstand?”

I took a deep breath, flipped my phone open and dialed Jae Joong’s Japanese number.

“Yoboseyo?” he said after 2 rings.

I was silent for a moment.

“Sierra?” he said my name, and the tears started to well up in my eyes.

“Jae… Jae Joong,” I sniffed.

“What is it?” he asked me in his gentle tone.

“I’m not pregnant,” I said.

“The results’ out?” he asked.

“No…” I said. “My period came.”

“Really?” he said.

“You want a blood sample?”

“That’s not funny,” he said.

“I’m not trying to be funny,” I said, now close to tears.


“What do you want to do now?” I said, as a single tear rolled down my cheek.

“What can I do?” he said.

“You wanted this child so much,” I said.

“If you did have one, but now you don’t. I can’t do anything about that.”

“I thought you would be upset.”

“I’m a little disappointed, but I’ll get over it,” he said. “I was hoping for the baby to be an excuse for us to finally get married,” he laughed softly.

“We don’t have to get married just for the baby’s sake. Lots of celebrities remain unmarried even after they’ve had children,” I said.

“This is Korea… they eventually get married, even if it may end in divorce later,” he pointed out.

“So you’re not upset?” I asked again.

“No… were you hoping for me to blow my top or something?” he asked.

“I was just expecting a little drama from you,” I admitted.

“I’m not stupid, Sierra. To be honest, I feel a little relieved that you’re not pregnant. As much as I want us to be together, I don’t think we’re ready to have children yet.”

“Thank god,” I laughed and sniffed loudly.

I hadn’t cried, but the little bit of tears and emotions had caused my nose to block up.

“Are you crying?” he asked me.

“No I’m not,” I said.

“But your voice sounds funny,” he said.

“I just got a bit emotional. My nose is blocked,” I said.

“Pabo…” he said. “Uljima…”

“I’m not crying…” I protested.

“Alright… you’re not,” he laughed. “Now what was that ‘Thank god!’ for?”

“Nothing… I was thinking you’d do anything just to get us tied together,” I said.

“Ya, ya, ya… are you suggesting that I’m some obsessive boyfriend?” he said.

“Well, you are… sometimes,” I joked.

“You just wait till I get home,” he said.

Somehow, after this whole ordeal, hearing that did not make me feel nervous. I actually looked forward to Jae Joong coming back. This whole “maybe-baby” thing cleared up some of the misunderstandings we’ve not voiced out all this while. I feel closer to Jae Joong now, and I feel that our relationship had a long shot.

“Araso…” I laughed. “I’ll be waiting.”

“Sierra… I gotta go,” he said. “I’m in the middle of a photoshoot.”

“Call me later?” I said.

“Definitely,” he replied.

“I miss you,” I said.

“Na tto pogoshipo…” he replied and we hung up.

It occurred to me then that perhaps Jae Joong and I had been together for too long. We’d forgotten what it was like to date, to enjoy being young and in love, since we’d fallen into this routine. I realized that we’d also started forming perceptions, despite knowing every single detail that we needed to know about each other. Could we still be together simply out of habit, or are we still that crazy about each other?


Anonymous said...

omg sierra!! doubting???
more drama ahead???
i cant wait for jj to come back!!

u've found haerin for skye.. find someone for shoei!! ^_^

and can't wait for the yuk hee and darren action!!!

awesome awesome!! i will be back stalking this and dae sang high!

jishin said...

I find your last sentence pretty thought-provoking and very true! I guess when love's been around for too long, it'll eventually lapse into habit with all surprises dead. But then it's up to one to keep it alive and find new reasons to love the opposite party more and more yes? :D Haha I think this is just a phase Sierra is going through - when JaeJoong's back, she'll know they're still very much crazy over each other XDD

Update soon! :D