Sometime
I find myself trapped in a thought… and the thought keeps occurring at random
times. As much as I have chosen to release it, and to not be bothered by it, it
comes back, and it niggles. This is how I usually decide I need to do something
about it.
These
days, I’m sick of such thoughts. Does everything have to be dealt with just
because it makes me uncomfortable? Or are some things meant to exist whether we
like it or not? I am constantly in fear of ruining relationships and causing
loss of confidence. I tend to think that dealing with issues and talking about
them helps build my confidence, but I am somehow coming to think that by doing
so, I may inadvertently cause others to lose their confidence in making me
happy.
I
don’t know how to tell them, “It’s not you who is making me unhappy. It’s the
situation we’re in that causes me to feel uneasy. And this uneasiness, I feel,
is avoidable.” But in any case, there is no other way to resolve it other than
the opposite party reacting and ‘fixing’ the situation in a way that will allow
me to be able to accept it. I feel remorseful sometimes, that people have to go
out of their comfort zones to console me, but I have not learned to not be
bothered by the situations that I cannot accept. Hence, I will always need
others to be considerate when it comes to how I feel.
Perhaps,
people don’t understand because they have not felt a pain similar to mine.
Honestly, no one understands how we feel. We can do our best and try to
describe it, but there is a limit to the completeness of the picture we can
paint. No one knows our pain as much as we do, and even if they are been
through a similar pain, the operative word will be ‘similar’. One can try to
relate, but one cannot truly understand.
