Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Making Peace with Your Past

I am sure that many of us have past mistakes or past hurts, and I don’t think it would be presumptuous of me to say that most of us try to ‘forget’ about it and move on, when all we actually do is suppress the incident, and try to walk forward. However, like an iron ball and chain, from time to time, we are reminded that we’re not getting too far, because we are ‘suddenly reminded’ of the incidents. At that point, we would replay the whole scene in our heads, relive the hurt, the pain, the humiliation that came with it, and allow ourselves to feel miserable for that moment or sometimes, for a longer time than we should. Well, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Referring back to my previous post on forgiveness; Yes, sometimes there really isn’t anything to forgive, but most of the time, we revisit the past because we have not, so to speak, recovered from it. It still angers us when we think of how this person betrayed us. It still annoys us when we remember a foolish thing we had done. It still saddens us when we remember a loss, be it a person, object or perhaps a dream. But there is one thing we can all start doing to enable ourselves to let go much more easily. So the question I pose now is, “Are you ready to really let go of your past?”

Yes, that person hurt you. Call it bad judgement on your part or perhaps that person was really just lowly scum. Just sit down one last time, and think about how everything happened. Take note of the key points and learn from them. Then, tell yourself that it was a mistake, and mistakes happen, and that you will not make the same mistake again. But still, there is no reason to believe that everyone else will be out to hurt you. Have faith that you just happened to meet one bad person. That one bad person does not represent the entire human race.

Yes, you made a mistake. Call it momentary stupidity or perhaps you weren’t as alert as you should’ve been on that day. But no one is perfect, right? We have our different levels of ‘being our best’ each day, and that happened to be your best that day. Stop dwelling on it! I bet no one actually remembers that you even made that mistake. In any case, people are more interested in fresh humiliation. As soon as someone else makes a mistake, your mistake will be forgotten ;)

Sure, you missed a boat, lost your dream. Call it lack of determination or even bad luck. Do your dreams and goals end here? No they don’t! Find new ways to achieve them. If you can’t get exactly what you want anymore, ask yourself how you would be willing to settle, and start planning how to get there. It’s really how flexible you wanna be in the quest to make yourself feel happy and fulfilled.

Yes, you lost someone you love. It could be through death, or perhaps the person walked out of your life. But know that a person who passed on would want you to continue living happy and healthy, while a person who walked out on you couldn’t care less anymore. In either situation, you have a choice; be happy or be miserable. If you choose to be happy, the person who passed on will definitely be happy for you. As for that person who walked out on you… you’re showing that person you’re better off without him/her.

So what is the gist of it all? We all need to be honest about what happened, review it and let it go for real. Apologise if you need to, forgive if you need to, write it out and recount all the details, then tell yourself it has truly passed and you’re on your way to a new life. Don’t stick it in a shoebox in your closet and peek into it every now and then. Stick it in a shoebox, and throw it out! The sooner we get rid of negative emotional burdens, the lighter we feel, and the faster we are able to head out into a more promising future.

So do yourself a favour today, and choose to make peace with the past, then move on. Once you do, I am sure you will feel like you’ve just hit the ‘reboot’ button on your life and given it a fresh start :)

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