Chapter 13: I Want You I Need You

“Yun Ho…” I said.

“What’s going on?” he asked me.

“Nothing,” I said.

“I heard you and Jae Joong arguing,” he said. “Why were you guys arguing?”

“We weren’t,” I said.

“I heard you guys. Did something happen in Cheju? Why are you guys acting like that toward each other?”

I looked at him, pleading him with my eyes, “Please don’t ask anymore. I don’t want to talk about it,”

“I wanna know,” he said as he grabbed me by the wrist.

Just then, the pressure built up in me exploded. I’d had enough of this charade. I pulled my arm away and said, “You know what? This isn’t working out.”

He stared at me in shock, “Mwo?” he said.

“It’s not working out, let’s break up,” I said.

Yun Ho continued to stare at me, speechless. As I studied his expression, I felt as hurt as he was at that moment. I didn’t want to say it, I never wanted to do this, but it’s the only way to ensure that I would never have to tell him about Jae Joong. Just then, Jae Joong walked out from behind me. He stopped and looked at the both of us.

“Yun Ho,” Jae Joong started and was cut off.

“Hyung, what is going on?” Yun Ho asked.

“Opsoyo,” Jae Joong said.

“Opso? Then why did she just ask for a breakup?” Yun Ho said, his voice shaking.

“Sierra…” Jae Joong said, “Why are you doing this?”

“I’ve had enough, I’m through with the both of you,” I said as I walked off.

“Go after her,” I heard Jae Joong urge Yun Ho as I walked.

I was out of the club, about a block from the entrance, when Yun Ho grabbed my arm.

“Sierra…” he said, “Stop…”

“Leave me alone,” I said as he turned me around to face him. I refused to look at his face. I kept my head down and stared at the ground.

“Sierra,” Yun Ho pleaded, “Look at me,” he said as he tilted my head up. He looked so sad, so confused. I’m felt so guilty for doing this to him.

“I have nothing to say to you. We’re done here,” I said.

“But I’m not done. I still have a lot to say,” as he pulled me into his arms.

As soon as our bodies came into contact, the guilt, or maybe it was relief, started to overcome me and I cried.

“Shh…” Yun Ho said, as he hugged me, “I’m not gonna ask you to explain what happened. I don’t need to know what happened. Whatever you said back there was just a slip of the tongue. So let’s just forget everything and start over.”

“I wasn’t,” I said, still crying, “I meant it, I’m tired of this, I just want to be alone.”

“Sierra, I can’t live without you now. Even Jae Joong reminded me, before I came after you, that you really do love me. And whatever the reason for you suggesting the breakup, it was because you loved me.”

“I do love you,” I sobbed, “But it’s so hard…”

“Have I been giving you pressure? Mian, I’ll be better to you, I promise. Just don’t leave me. Not now. You promised not to let go. You belong to me,” he pleaded.

I had to decide at that moment. Could I withstand the torture of keeping the secret? Do I love Yun Ho enough to stay with him and yet keep the secret from him? Or should I just take the easiest way out, break up with him and be done with him and Jae Joong forever. It would be a lonely world without the both of them. I sighed. I’m going to keep the damn secret if it killed me. Because of his love for me, I’m going to forget everything that happened between me and Jae Joong, and he will be the only one from now on. I will never let anyone come between us ever again.

I looked up at Yun Ho. With my free hand, I wiped away the single tear which stained his cheek. He looked at me, as though he was trying to find the answer on my face. I tilted his head downward and kissed him. This time, I didn’t think about Jae Joong. I thought about us; Yun Ho and I. I was a fool to even think of leaving him? He cared, and he was willing to forgive even the unknown. I promised myself then that I would never hurt him again.

As we rejoined the group, they all looked at us questioningly.

“Where did you guys go?” Yoo Chun asked.

“Out for some air,” Yun Ho replied.

“Oooh… out for some air,” Chang Min teased, as he nudged Yoo Chun suggestively, and the group laughed.

It’s been 2 weeks since the ‘breakup’ incident. The guilt had begun to dull and my relationship with Yun Ho has been renewed. It felt like it had been back when we’d started; talking to each other for hours, walks in the park, going shopping, hanging out with the gang. Whenever I saw Jae Joong, I’d pretend as if the incident on Cheju never happened and so did he. Jae Joong must be a damn good actor. He never let on what had happened between us to Yun Ho. The only time I felt remotely uncomfortable was when the MV was finally released.

We were watching TV, Yun Ho, Skye, Shoei and I, when the MV came on. The guys watched with their eyes almost glued to the screen. Especially when there was hugging or kissing.

“Ya….” Skye commented as he watched, “Your acting skills are topnotch now, nuna.”

“Huh?” I said, I felt awkward throughout the video and kept looking at everything but the TV.

“You and Jae Joong hyung really look like a couple,” he continued.

“Ya, Skye,” Shoei said, “Shikkeureoptta, you’re embarrassing nuna in front of Yun Ho hyung.”

I gave a grateful smile to Shoei for coming to my rescue.

“Well, Skye is right,” Yun Ho said, “She’s on her way to becoming a star,” and he smiled.

“You’re biased just because I’m your girlfriend,” I said and pinched his cheek.

“I’m not, you’re really good,” he protested.

“Fine, komawo,” I smiled.

It was mid-February and we were at the airport. Yun Ho was going to Japan to film a sequel to a series he had done the previous year. He was going to be gone for 3 months.

“Promise to think of me every day?” I said.

“Yes,” he sighed.

“Yakssok!” I said and held out my pinky. He hooked it with his pinky and we sealed the promise with a kiss.

“Hello… less PDA please, there may be reporters around,” Chang Min reminded us.

We grinned sheepishly.

“I’ll call you every day,” Yun Ho said as we walked to the entrance of the departure hall hand in hand.

“You’d better,” I playfully threatened.

“Hyung,” Yun Ho said, turning to Jae Joong, “make sure she stays out of trouble,” he said as he playfully tugged at my hair.

“Hey!! Since when I’m ever in trouble,” I pouted. Why did he always have to entrust the job of caring for me to Jae Joong?

“Don’t worry, I’ll spank her if she misbehaves,” he replied with a smile.

I glared at him, “You wouldn’t dare…”

“Watch me,” he said as he playfully glared back at me.

“Okay, enough. Give me a hug,” he said, pulling me toward him.

I stood on the tip of my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“And…?” he teased and I kissed him on the lips.

The guys started gagging. After another 5 minutes of PDA for the benefit of the gang, Yun Ho finally went in. I stood there and watched him. As he reached the immigration counters, he turned back to wave at me. I waved back and blew him a kiss. Just then Jae Joong came up from behind and put his arm around me.

“He’ll be back soon. Don’t feel so bad,” he said. I fought the urge to shrug his arm off since the other guys were right beside us.

“I know, I’m fine,’ I said and turned to walk away since Yun Ho was already out of sight.

“So where are we off to next,” Yoo Chun said.

“I wanna go for a game of soccer,” Jun Su said excitedly.

“Can we not play soccer this week? We play it almost every other week with you,” Yoo Chun complained.

“Like you said, it’s just every other week,” Jun Su reminded him gleefully.

“Let’s see what Sierra wants to do,” Chang Min said.

“I think I’ll just go home,” I said.

“Awww… missing hyung already?” Jun Su teased.

“Yes…” I said, sticking my tongue out at him.

“I’ll take her home,” Jae Joong said, “I’ll take her home and meet up with you guys later.”

“I’ll get home myself,” I protested.

“We came in two cars, they can go start their game of soccer and I can send you home before joining them. It’s no bother,” Jae Joong reasoned as he looked at me. I knew that look. He was telling me not to refuse, or else.

“Yea! Let hyung send you home. We’ll see you at the field later, hyung,” said Yoo Chun as he dragged Jun Su away.

“Bye, hyung. Bye, Sierra,” Chang Min waved before running off to join them.

As soon as the guys were about a few meters away, Jae Joong grabbed my arm.

“What was that about?” he hissed.

“What? Oww… you’re hurting me,” I said, trying to shrug him off.

“Why won’t you let me send you home?” he asked as he let go.

“I don’t feel comfortable being alone with you,” I said.

“Whatever you’re feeling, push it to the back of your head. Don’t ever act like that in front of the guys again,” he said.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” I retorted and turned to walk away.

“Where are you going?” he said, grabbing my arm again. What’s with guys and arm grabbing. Don’t they know the pain of getting bruised?

“Taxi stand,” I sighed.

“I’m sending you home,” he said and began to pull me toward the exit to the car park.

This time I didn’t struggle since I didn’t want to create another scene. He practically dragged me to his car and shoved me in. Jae Joong drove a VW sedan. Not as cute as Yun Ho’s mini, but it suited him. It was serious, practical and still looked cool.

We arrived at my apartment block and when I tried to open the door to get out, Jae Joong immediately locked it.

“Hey!” I exclaimed. “Let me out.”

“Mianhae,” he said as he looked straight ahead.

“For what?”

“For treating you like that earlier.”

“I’m fine, but thanks for knowing you’re a jerk,” I said. I wasn’t about to forgive him for being so harsh earlier.

“I’m sorry for everything. I know you’re still burdened by our secret. That’s why you wouldn’t be alone with me,” he said as he reached over to take my hand.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” I said as I pulled it away, “I just don’t want anything to happen again. So I’m keeping my distance.”

“What happened to us won’t happen again, I promise. I just want us to be friends again. I hate arguing each time we meet. That’s why I’ve even stopped coming over for our cooking lessons.”

“How big of you?” I said sarcastically.

“Sierra… please don’t make this harder than it is” he groaned.

I kept quiet for awhile. It really seemed pointless to keep arguing. The sooner we rebuild our friendship, the less chance of Yun Ho finding out what happened. If we kept avoiding each other, Yun Ho would find out someday and I can’t let that happen. I can’t hurt him again.

“Fine…” I sighed as I looked at him.

He smiled at me; his brilliant, beautiful Yongung Jae Joong smile. God… sometimes I can’t help but be dazzled by him.

He unlocked the car and I got down.

“Bye,” he said.

“Bye,” I replied and closed the door.

I watched him drove off before I turned and walked to the elevator. As I hit the 'Up' button, I heard someone call my name.

“Sierra!” he shouted.

Great, don’t tell me he’s back again. I turned around ready to shoot daggers with my eyes.

“Wha…” and I stopped midway and stared in shock. It wasn’t Jae Joong.

“Hey babe! Surprise!” he said.

It was one of my guy friends from Malaysia whom I contacted occasionally. His name was Benson.