Chapter 10: Still

It was Tuesday and I was in the studios with Jae Joong and the Clazziquai Project. We were going doing a remix for a song Jae Joong once sang for the soundtrack of Millionaire’s First Love, 인사 (Insa). The girls were in the studio with me to watch me work since there was no one available to take them sightseeing. The remix was going to be jazzy and groovy, unlike the slow love song it originally was.

Jae Joong: parami momun keu shiganjoch'a
naegen nomu mojaran gol
han bonae miso majiman insa
saranghamnida keudae

Sierra: shigane chich'yodo sarange apado
keu siganjoch'a ch'uokigo
majiman insal haneyo
saranghamnida
saranghamnida

Jae Joong & Sierra: Fly away, fly away, love
Fly away, fly away, love
Fly away, fly away, love
naesaenge danhanbonwi saranga
anyong

We took half the day to record this one song just to get the right feel. I’ve always loved this song. It always sounded sad when Jae Joong sang it alone. It was as if he was saying goodbye to a lost one. Singing it together with him didn’t make it feel less sad. It felt like we were saying goodbye to each other and tears actually came into my eyes as I sang.

“Good job guys,” said DJ Clazzi.

“Thanks,” Jae Joong and I replied.

“Just to let you know, we will shoot the MV next week or this weekend, if possible. We’ll let your managers know and will schedule the arrangements,” he continued.

Jae Joong and I bowed and thanked them once again before leaving the studio with the girls.

“You’re shooting an MV next week?” Kat asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Aww… too bad we’ve already gone home. How nice if we could watch you shoot the MV,” Elaine said.

“Don’t worry. You guys can always come back some other time. With Sierra’s rising popularity, you will be sure she’ll have many more MVs to shoot,” Jae Joong assured them.

In fact, it wasn’t just my popularity rising. Our band’s collaborations thus far has included Skye with the guys from Super Junior and with Lee Hyo Ri, Shoei with Hyde from L’arc en Ciel and with Gummy and now myself with Jae Joong and the Clazziquai Project. We seem to have gotten ourselves a stable career for now.

The next day was one of the most exciting days for S-Cube. We were to perform on SBS’ Inkigayo. Elaine and Kat got to join the crazy fans in the audience and cheer for us as we performed our 4th single, '남자' (Namja) or ‘Man’.

Sierra: I once thought I knew you
I once thought I loved you
You disappointed me time and time again
You never seem to keep your promises

Shoei: I tried to make you understand
It wasn’t easier for me if you ever thought it was
My love for you made me suffer and cry
To make you happy I would’ve given my life

Sierra: Why don’t you just be a man
Should’ve kept your promises and not run away
Skye: Whoever said that I didn’t do that
You turned a blind eye on all I’ve done
Skye & Shoei: If you were sincere you would’ve understood
You wouldn’t hurt like this and we could see this through
Sierra: Why don’t you just be… a man

Skye: Why would you hate me when I loved you so much
I’d give everything just to feel your touch
Your voice keeps echoing through my head
I feel so tortured and still you won’t understand

Sierra: You think you’re the only one who’s hurting
You forgot the things you told me, you’re just full of excuses
I gave you my heart and this is how you repay me
I don’t ever want to see you again

Shoei: Let’s put all this madness behind
Let’s love each other again
Skye: I could never see you cry
Let’s dry your tears and we’d start over
Sierra: It’s too late for all that
We’ve gone beyond turning back
Shoei: Why, must you be so cruel, baby
Skye: Why can’t we just try again

Sierra: Why don’t you just be a man
Should’ve kept your promises and not run away
Skye: Whoever said that I didn’t do that
You turned a blind eye on all I’ve done
Skye & Shoei: If you were sincere you would’ve understood
You wouldn’t hurt like this and we could see this through
Sierra: Why don’t you just be… a man

As the song ended, the crowd cheered and waved their sky-blue balloons streaked with silver, our band’s colour. The icing on the cake that night was when we won the popular song award for the week.

After our encore performance, we went backstage and bumped into Lee Min Woo from Shinhwa.

“Min Woo hyung!” Skye shouted.

“Ya… Skye,” Min Woo said as he gave Skye a quick hug. Not a sissy hug, the kinda hug guys like to do with the chest banging and back patting.

Skye has met Min Woo at clubs on several occasions. I’ve never met Min Woo in person before, but I’ve seen him at award shows we happened to attend and of course, on TV.

“Hyung,” Skye said, “This is my nuna, Sierra, whom you said you’ve been dying to meet.”

“Did you have to say that out loud in front of her?” Min Woo scolded Skye jokingly before he turned to me. “You must be the lovely Sierra. Love your voice, love your face, but have never had the pleasure of meeting you,” he said and gave me a wink.

I started blushing. “Thanks,” I said. Omigod!!! Lee Min Woo, one of my many idols. I love the way he danced, I love the way he talked. Other than him, my other dancing king would be Jang Woo Hyuk. “I’ve always wanted to meet you and I cannot tell you how great it is to finally meet you, oppa,” I said shyly.

Min Woo giggled. Yes, he giggles. It’s for comic effect and it’s not the first time I’ve seen him do it. “Chongmal? Ya… Skye, I am loving your nuna. Too bad she’s dating U-Know,” he said as he turned to look at Skye.

“You can try to steal her,” Skye joked.

“I might,” Min Woo laughed and he turned to me, “Great to see you, but I’ve gotta run. We’ll continue this some other day,” and he bowed at me before turning to walk away.

Just then Kat and Elaine ran up from behind me.

“Was that Lee Min Woo?” Elaine shrieked.

“Yes, it was,” I replied, still in shock.

Then the three of us turned to each other and squealed in excitement.

“Girls…” Skye said as he rolled his eyes and walked off to the dressing room.

The three of us stuck out our tongues at him as we followed behind him.

Now I have a confession. I have always been madly in love with Lee Min Woo, I love his image, I love his character, but he always seemed a little short on TV. But now that I’ve met him, he is definitely taller than I am. He and Woo Hyuk are such cute characters, both are small built and standing at only 174 and 176cm respectively. I love watching them dance and goof around for variety shows and it don’t hurt that they’re much older and therefore feel more like men to me. But since Woo Hyuk is a little thinner than I’d like, gimme Min Woo any day. Yes, I must sound really greedy when I already have Yun Ho. But dreams are dreams, right?

We’d taken days off for the next few days since we didn’t have any shows or events to attend and I had to bring the girls sightseeing. We decided to go to a resort in Cheju. Our entourage included Skye, Shoei, Yun Ho and the rest of the TVXQ guys, Hee Chul, Han Kyung and Si Won. We spent the first day playing on the beach, followed by a barbeque which lasted late into the night.

Elaine was starting to look really cosy with Jae Joong. She was yakking non-stop as he nodded attentively the whole night. Shoei spent the night talking to Kat in a corner of the group. I could be wrong, but it looks like he’s pretty much over me and I’m glad that the incident of his confession is well behind us. It was about 2am when we finally packed up and went to our rooms. The girls shared a room, the other guys split into 2 groups of twos and a group of three and of course, Yun Ho and I had our own room. But it’s not what you think…

I woke up at 4am from an excruciating pain in my stomach. I knew it was a gastric attack. I rolled off the bed as silently as I could. It wasn’t an easy task since Yun Ho had a leg and arm over me and his legs are by all means, not light. When I’d succeeded in freeing myself, I crawled quickly, in the dark, toward our bags and started rummaging for my pills. Just as I was about to open the toiletry bag, I felt nauseous and ran to the toilet just in time to retch into the toilet bowl. After a few rounds of puking up the dinner I had 3 hours ago, I heard Yun Ho walk into the bathroom and stand behind me.

“Are you okay?” he said as he squatted down and pulled my hair back.

“I’m f…” and I puked again. This time, Yun Ho was there to hold my hair up and pat my back.

I’ve told him about my gastric problems but he’d never witnessed one of my attacks before. He was surprisingly calm about it. When I finally stopped, I was so tired and I could only sit there, on the toilet floor. Yun Ho handed me a glass of water to rinse my mouth. After that, he wiped my face with a damp towel, then picked me up and carried me to bed.

“Where are your pills?” he asked as he covered me with the blankets.

After I’d told him where they were, he walked to the switches and turned on the lights before he started to search for the pills. When he’d found them, he brought them over with a glass of water and supported my back as I sat up to take the pills. After I’d swallowed the pills, he set down the glass and tucked me in again. He turned off the lights and came to sit beside me in bed, under the covers. He pulled me over so that my head lay on his lap and slowly stroked my head, combing his fingers through my hair.

“Saranghae,” I said. I’d never felt so comforted after being so sick.

“Saranghae,” he said, kissing me gently on the forehead, “Go to sleep now.” And I did.

At about 9am, we were woken up by the doorbell. Yun Ho had slept sitting up the whole night, his back must’ve been aching. Both of us stretched sleepily.

“Coming,” Yun Ho said as he carefully shifted my head so that he could get off the bed to open the door.

“Hey! Why aren’t you guys dressed yet?” Elaine exclaimed as she barged into the room.

“I don’t feel like going out today, I’m so tired,” I said, as I yawned.

“Oooh… what did you do last night?” Kat said, suggestively.

“She had a gastric attack,” Yun Ho replied in our defense as he stretched and moved his neck, trying to ease the tension.

“Oh…” the both of them said, a little embarrassed from their accusations.

“I think I’ll stay in with her today,” Yun Ho said.

“Okay,” the girls chirped as they walked out, “Feel better.”

“Alright…” I replied and started to lie back onto the bed.

Then Skye shouted, “Hyung, are those your boxers?”

I looked at Yun Ho and he looked down. Sure enough, he was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and his boxers.

“Yah!!” he shouted in embarrassment and quickly slammed the door shut. Through the door, we could hear the group laughing.

Yun Ho came to bed looking red and flustered from embarrassment. I giggled when I saw his expression and he turned to glare at me.

“Not funny. Stop it,” he grumbled.

“Sorry…” I said as I tried to muffle the next giggle coming.

He lay down and covered his face with the sheets. I pulled them off his face to annoy him and he retaliated by pinning me down with his arm and leg. He gave a loud, contented sigh and closed his eyes. I tried to wriggle out and he continued to pin me down whilst pretending to be asleep. After awhile, I stopped struggling and looked at his ‘sleeping’ face. When I woke up this morning, I saw Yun Ho in a different light. I’m beginning to see him as not just a guy who had been my dream and a guy whom I loved but also a guy who was able to reassure and take care of me. I’ve always felt Yun Ho was still a child, but yesterday night, he showed me that he was a man. Now that I am assured that he will always protect me, I’m beginning to love him more.

I kissed him lightly on the nose. He opened his eyes and smiled at me. He had such cute little eyes. He kissed me back on the nose and pulled me closer. As I snuggled against him, I told myself, he may not be the perfect man, but he sure is almost too good to be true.

The next day, the rest of the gang were packed and ready to leave except Jae Joong and myself. Coincidentally, they had schedule the shooting for the MV this weekend on Cheju. So Jae Joong and I were going to stay on until Monday. This also meant that I won’t be able to see the girls off.

At the hotel lobby, I hugged the each of them.

“Bye,” I said as tears started welling up in my eyes, “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to spend more time with you guys on this trip.”

“It’s okay. We know how busy you are. Take care, okay?” Kat said.

“Yea, you’ll need your health for your world domination plan,” Elaine smiled.

We laughed and group hugged.

“What about us?” Hee Chul complained and all the guys laughed as they gathered around us to join us for the hug.

“Take care of them for me,” I said to Hee Chul, “Make sure they get to the airport safely.”

“Yes, olk’e (wife of a younger brother),” he grinned and I smacked him on the arm.

I hugged Yun Ho tightly and he gave me a quick kiss before he got into the car.

“Hyung, take care of her for me,” he said to Jae Joong.

“Kokjongma, I will,” said Jae Joong and he rested his hand on my shoulder.

“Komawo,” Yun Ho shouted through the window as the car pulled away.


[Special segment – through Shoei’s eyes]

I’m at the airport with Hee Chul and Skye seeing nuna’s friends Kat and Elaine off. They’re catching their flight back to Malaysia this evening.

“Thanks for everything,” Kat and Elaine both said as they hugged each of us.

As I hugged Kat, I thought, if my acting skills so far had served me well, nuna would think that I am over her.

As I waved to the girls, I can’t help but think what nuna would be doing at this moment? How I wish I could be there with her.