Chapter 24: Whatever They Say

“Sierra is not obligated to answer any questions regarding her separation and the circumstances of her separation with U-Know YunHo of TVXQ as it is her private affair. SM has released a clear statement regarding the matter and we hope that the members of the press will take our word for it.”

Once again, Shi Kyung hyung had come to my rescue. I’d frozen as soon as I heard the question. It wasn’t that I wasn’t prepared to be asked such a question. I just didn’t know the reply to it as I myself did not know the reason Yun Ho had agreed to the break-up.

“But there are sources that claim that throughout Sierra’s stay at the hospital; U-Know YunHo was not seen visiting her. Doesn’t this show that their separation was not the result of a mutual agreement?” another reporter piped in.

“I’m sorry but we decline to provide further comment regarding this issue. If there are no more questions, we would like to end today’s press conference,” Shi Kyung hyung announced.

There were no more questions coming from the reporters. Obviously all the other questions they had in mind were about my break-up with Yun Ho.

“Thank you all for coming today. We hope to receive your support in the media as S-Cube embarks on the release of their 2nd album. Komapsumnida.”

We were sitting in the dressing room after the press conference. Skye on his PSP, Shoei hooked on his MP3 player and I was lying on the sofa staring into space. Hyung walked in and sat down beside me.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Hyung…” I said, still staring at the ceiling. “What really happened?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” he said, feigning ignorance to my question.

“You know what I mean, hyung. Must I put everything out in plain words? What happened when I was unconscious?”

“Just forget it, Sierra. It’s over. There’s no point talking about it.”

“But I can’t, hyung. It would’ve been easier if I’d lost my memory, but I didn’t. I need to know.”

“I can’t tell you, Sierra. Just let it go,” hyung said as he shook his head and he left the room.

“Nuna,” Shoei said. “I don’t think hyung is allowed to tell you anything.”

“I know. I had to try anyhow.”

“The only person who has answers now would be Yun Ho. Just wait till he gets back, nuna.”

I sighed. The problem was does he intend to even look at me when he comes back?

Another week has passed and the management decided to do a digital release for our 2nd single ‘Ghosts’. ‘Ghosts’ was the song we’d collaborated with Jun Jin oppa. A digital release meant that the single would only be available for download on the internet. In conjunction with the digital release, there was going to be a live webcast performance and interview.

We were getting ready to go on air when Jun Jin oppa asked me, “Has Yun Ho called you?”

“No,” I answered. “Why?”

“Nah, just concerned about you guys.”

“Did he call you?”

“Oh…”

“Did he talk about us?”

“No, he didn’t. That’s why I’m asking you.”

“I never knew why he’d left so abruptly. The management wouldn’t tell me anything either.”

Just then, the PD called for us to take our places. Members of our fan clubs were invited to be audiences for the webcast. They cheered loudly as the four of us took the stage and got into our starting positions. The director yelled, “Action!” and the opening of ‘Ghosts’ started playing. Jun Jin oppa started with his rap.

JunJin: This is Double J, baby, puttin’ it in for S-Cube…
Haha…
Sierra, baby… do your thing…

Jun Jin oppa walks backwards and Skye, Shoei and I moved forward to start dancing as we sang.

Sierra: I turned around as I felt your presence
I was disappointed when I saw, there was no one there
I continued to walk and I heard you whisper
The ghosts of our past are haunting me, haunting me

Skye: I was walking in a crowd when I saw you
Standing right in the middle, as people passed by
I called your name and all at once you disappeared
The ghosts of our past are driving me mad, driving me mad

Shoei: Why can’t I exorcise these thoughts away
They’re driving me to insanity,
Why do they torture me
Sierra: I scream in silence as the ghosts ravage my mind
I wish I can end this torture by ending my life

S-Cube:I wish you didn’t walk away
Without a word, without a care
The memories we shared are suffocating me
Only if you came back, you’d be able to save me

I wish you didn’t walk away
Without a word, without a care
The times we spent together keep reminding me
Only if you came back, you’d be able to save me

We shuffled to the side and moved behind Jun Jin oppa to dance in the background as he rapped.

JunJin: Yeah~ yeah~ here we go…
The ghosts of our pasts just won’t go away
How much more do I need to beg
For you to come back, to stay
Only you can save my sanity, baby
Only you can cure me
Without you I’d go mad
As I drown in my screams

We slide forward and Jun Jin oppa moved to the left side of the stage.

Shoei: Why can’t I exorcise you from my head
You’re driving me mad, you’re torturing me
Sierra: I scream in silence as your ghosts ravage my mind
Stop haunting me, I beg you, if you’re not coming back
Skye: Just take my life, and end this right now

S-Cube:I wish you didn’t walk away
Without a word, without a care
The memories we shared are suffocating me
Only if you came back, you’d be able to save me

I wish you didn’t walk away
Without a word, without a care
The times we spent together keep reminding me
Only if you came back, you’d be able to save me

Skye, Shoei and Jun Jin oppa slowly move to surround me during the final chorus. Skye stands on my left with his back facing the audience and his left hand resting on my left shoulder and Shoei stood facing the crowd with his left hand grabbing my right arm. Jun Jin oppa walks towards me and cups my face with his right hand as I turned away to avoid facing him.

JunJin: You heard me, baby…
Come back to me

As the music faded, the audience started cheering. Park Kyung Lim, who was our MC for the webcast, walks onto the stage, applauding. I was actually pretty excited to finally meet her in person.

“That was S-Cube featuring Jun Jin with ‘Ghosts’. I’m Park Kyung Lim. Welcome to this special webcast in conjunction with the digital release of ‘Ghosts’ which S-Cube and Jun Jin had just performed beautifully.”

“Kamsahamnida,” the four of us bowed. The crew immediately brought out one three-seater and one two seater sofa for us.

We walked over to sit down and Kyung Lim onni said, “Skye, nawa,” as she patted the space beside her on the two-seater. The audience laughed as Skye shyly sat down beside her.

“Today, we are here for a live interview with S-Cube and Jun Jin. Those of you watching us on live streaming video, remember to turn up your volumes. You wouldn’t want to miss anything. Now, let’s have an official greeting from S-Cube to kick off the interview.”

The four of us bowed, “Annyong haseyo, S-Cube-imnida.”

“Not you, Jun Jin,” onni said as she smacked his knee with her cue cards.

“Choesong hamnida,” Jun Jin bowed, laughing as he did.

“Tonight we have questions for S-Cube and Jun Jin prepared by myself and as a bonus, before the show, we’d collected question submissions from our audience here and also submissions online. The first question tonight is about the single. What is the meaning or perhaps, the reason, for this song?”

“‘Ghosts’ is first and foremost a love song,” Shoei explained, “Don’t be confused by the hard hip hop beat. I’m sure everyone has had a past relationship, which was hard to forget. ‘Ghosts’ is a song about not being able to forget a past relationship.”

“Of course this is in an extreme sense,” I continued. “It’s about a past relationship which was so unforgettable that it starts eating at you and taking over your life.”

“Ya… who knew behind that hot tempo there was such a painful and tragic message,” onni exclaimed.

“Just in case you were not aware, the lyrics and music were written by Shoei and Skye,” Jun Jin oppa added.

“Ya… chongmal?” onni said as she patted Skye on the knee.

“I was really surprised with the depth of their musical skills when I first heard the song.”

“It wouldn’t be surprising for them, Jun Jin, since they are so talented,” onni said laughing.

“Are you saying I’m not as talented then, nuna?” Jun Jin oppa asked Kyung Lim onni.

The audience laughed and we all laughed with them.

“Of course not,” onni said. “I wouldn’t want to incur the wrath of the Shinhwa fans.”

“We’re very grateful that Jun Jin hyung agreed with this collaboration. The song wouldn’t have the flavor it does if it weren’t for his participation,” Skye said.

“You’re such a nice boy,” onni said as she turned to Skye and patted his knee again. That brought about another round of laughter. Onni then turned to me, “Sierra, I know that many have asked you this question, but I wanted to hear it for myself. How do you feel after the surgery?”

“You mean my reconstructive surgery?” I asked.

“Ne.”

“In the past, before the surgery, I’d never considered having my face ‘improved’. But now that it’s done, I can only be grateful that SM made the decision for me at that moment. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be sitting here today.”

“Are people able to recognize you after the surgery?” onni asked.

“They recognize me. Not much has changed actually, apart from bigger eyes and nicer lips. So people would still know it was me and then they’d comment on the changes done to my face,” I explained.

“Must’ve been hard to accept in the beginning,”

“Ne, but I’ve gotten used to it.”

“Well, you look beautiful now, and there’s no shame about it. You were injured, so don’t you worry about what some people might say,” onni said.

“Kamsahamnida,” I bowed. "I only hope that our fans will not view me any differently. I'm still the same Sierra beneath this new face."

The interview went on for another hour before it finally came to an end.

“Thank you everyone for staying with us tonight. I’m sure everyone has enjoyed the presence of S-Cube with us tonight, not forgetting Jun Jin,” Kyung Lim onni laughed. “Have a good night; this is Park Kyung Lim once again, signing out.”

There was applause as we all stood up and bowed, then the director yelled, “Cut!” After the show, there was a short meet and greet session between us and 10 fans selected from the audience via a lucky draw. We signed the CDs, posters and photo books they’d brought and took lots of photos with them.

“You look so beautiful now, onni,” a girl told me as I hugged her.

“Kamsahamnida,” I said. I sure hope I’ve not become an endorsement for plastic surgery to my fans.

Jae Joong was waiting for me as we exited the studios. He had on worried expression which didn’t change when he looked up at me.

“Waegeurae?” I asked as I approached him and touched him lightly on the arm.

“Let’s go, we’re meeting the guys at a club,” he said.

“Jae Joong-ah…” I pulled at his arm. I wanted him to tell me what was wrong before I went anywhere with him.

He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. “Sierra, tell me, I need to hear it. You won’t leave me. Not ever. Right?”

“Jae Joong…” I gasped, fighting for air since he’d hugged me so tightly. “You’re suffocating me,” I coughed.

“Mian,” he said and he let go of me.

“What’s going on? Why are you saying all this to me?” I asked him as I held his hands in mine.

“Yun Ho’s back,” he said.